J.A. Konrath - Dirty Martini

Synopsis

The latest entertaining, tangy, and hilarious Jack Daniels mystery from Anthony, Macavity, and Gumshoe Award finalist J.A. Konrath.

In Whiskey Sour, Chicago police Lieutenant Jacqueline Jack Daniels hunted down a killer dubbed The Gingerbread Man. In Bloody Mary, she busted a psychopath with a penchant for dismemberment. In Rusty Nail, it was a serial killer with a doozy of a family tree. And now, in Dirty Martini, Jack faces her toughest adversary yet: a sicko whos poisoning the citys food supply. Can she catch him and decide whether to accept boyfriend Lathams surprise proposal without destroying both her reputation and her sanity?

DIRTY MARTINI

J.A. Konrath

The fourth book in the Jack Daniels series

Copyright 2007 Joe Konrath

This book is for Jim Coursey, who has been there for me since the beginning. Best friends forever, man!

DIRTY MARTINI

2 oz vodka

1 tbsp dry vermouth

2 tbsp olive juice

2 olives

Fill a mixer with all ingredients, including garnish.

Cover and shake hard 34 times.

Strain contents into a cocktail glass.

NO SECURITY CAMERAS this time, but he still has to be careful. The smaller the store, the more likely hell be remembered.

Hes dressed for the part. The mustache is fake. So is the shoulder-length hair. His facial jewelry is all clip-on, including the nose ring and the lip ring, and his combat boots have lifts in them, adding almost three inches to his height. Hes wearing a Guns N Roses T-shirt that he picked up at a thrift shop for a quarter, under a red flannel shirt that cost little more. The long sleeves hide the tube.

When they interview witnesses later, theyll remember his costume, but not his features.

He picked a good time of daythe store is busy. The woman behind the counter is speaking German with one of the patrons, three people in line behind her. To the left, an old lady is pushing a small cart, scrutinizing some imported canned goods. In the rear of the store, a fat man is picking up a .5-liter bottle of Weihenstephaner beer.

At the deli section, he finds the cooler with the fresh fruit. Pretending as if hes trying to decide, he eventually picks up a red apple.

He cradles the fruit in his left hand, avoiding the use of his fingertips. Palmed in his right hand, attached to the tube that runs up his sleeve, is the jet injector. Its four inches long, shaped like a miniature hot glue gun. He touches the orifice to the surface of the apple. Pulls the trigger.

Theres a brief hissing sound, lasting a fraction of a second. He puts the apple back and selects another, repeating the process.

Pssssssstttttt.

After doing four pieces of fruit, some potatoes, and a plastic container of yogurt, the jet injector needs to be armed againsomething that will attract attention. He leaves the deli without buying anything, stepping out onto Irving Park Road and into the pedestrian traffic.

Ethnic stores are easy. Hes already done a supermarket in Chinatown, contaminating some star fruit and dried fish, and a Polish butcher shop on the West Side, injecting almost the entire stock of kielbasa. In Wrigleyville he visited a large chain grocery store and made quick work of some apples, pears, and packages of ground beef, mindful to keep his head lowered so the security cameras didnt get any good facial shots. Just south of Chicagos Magnificent Mile he paid for admission to the Art Institute and spent thirty minutes in the cafeteria, using his jet injector on practically everythingcartons of milk, juice boxes, fruit, candy barsand when the clerk turned her head he sprayed a cloud burst into the nozzles of the soda pop machine.

He has two stops left: an all-you-can-eat buffet on Halsted, and another grocery store on the North Side. Then hes done.

For today.

Tomorrow he has another eight stores picked out, news permitting. The incubation period is anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Theres a chance people will get sick sometime tonight. Paralysis is terrifying, and once it begins, the infected will rush to the hospital. Diagnosis isnt easy, but the agent will eventually be discovered. Then the alphabets will be notifiedthe CDC, WHO, FBI, CPD.

If the panic spreads ahead of schedule, hell have to move up with the Plan and do the second round in a different way.

It will be interesting to see how things turn out.

He heads down Lincoln, stopping in a fast-food chain. In the bathroom he detaches the injector from the tube, placing it in his pocket. He washes his hands with soap and holds them under the air drier, which is labeled For Your Sanitary Protection . This prompts a smile. When hes finished, he removes a moistened alcohol towelette and goes over his hands again.

At the counter, he orders a burger and fries, and eats while surreptitiously watching the kids frolic in the indoor playland.

Childrens parks are a cesspool of germs. All that openmouthed coughing and sneezing, all those sticky fingers wiping noses and then touching the slides, the ladders, the bin of a thousand plastic balls, each other. Its practically a hot zone.

When he finishes eating, he returns to the bathroom, attaches the jet injector to the tube running up his sleeve, and lightly shakes the cylinder strapped to his waist under his shirt.

Theres plenty left.

He arms the injector using the key to torque back the spring, and walks out of the washroom over to the cubby where a dozen pairs of brightly colored kids shoes lie in wait. Getting down on one knee, he pretends hes tying a lace.

Instead, he injects the rubber soles of five different shoes.

A small child pokes him from behind.

Thats my shoe.

He smiles at the boy. I know. It fell on the floor. Here you go.

The child takes the shoe, switches it to his other hand, and wipes his nose with his palm.

Thanks, says the boy.

The man stands up, winks, and heads north on Lincoln to catch the bus to the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Three Days Later

IS THAT A REAL GUN ?

The little girl probably wasnt much older than five, but Im not good with childrens ages. She pointed at my shoulder holster, visible as I leaned into my shopping cart to hand a bag of apples to the cashier.

Yes, it is. Im a cop.

Youre a girl.

I am. So are you.

The child frowned. I know that.

I looked around for her mother, but didnt see anyone nearby who fit the profile.

Wheres Mommy? I asked her.

She gave me a very serious face. Over by the coffee.

Lets go find her.

I told the teenaged cashier Id be a moment. He shrugged. The little girl held out her hand. I took it, surprised by how small it felt. When was the last time Id held a childs hand?

Did you ever shoot anyone? she asked.

From the mouths of babes.

Only criminals.

Did they die?

No. Ive been lucky.

Her eyebrows crunched up, and she pursed her tiny lips.

Criminals are bad people.

Yes, they are.

Shouldnt they die?

Every life is important, I said. Even the lives of bad people.

A woman, thirties, rushed out into the main aisle and searched left, then right, locking onto the girl.

Melinda! What did I tell you about wandering off!

She was on us in three steps. Melinda released my hand and pointed at me.

Im okay, Mommy. Shes got a gun.

The mother looked at me and turned a shade of white appropriate for snowmen. I dug into my pocket for my badge case.

Lieutenant Jack Daniels. I showed her the gold star and my ID. Youve got a cute daughter.

Her face went from fraught to relieved. Thanks. Sometimes I think she needs a leash. Do you have kids?

No.

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. I watched her puzzle out what to say next.