Marvo and The Staff of the Impulsive Buy - Brutally Honest Fast Food Reviews: The Best and Worst of Burger King, McDonalds, Taco Bell, and Other Drive-Thru Mainstays

Congratulations!

You have purchased an ebook filled with fast food reviews. If you are a dietician, you probably bought this book by mistake. No backsies! However, if youre a connoisseur of fast food, consider this to be your fast food yearbook, allowing you to look back at many of the salty, fatty, and/or sugary menu items you may have passed through your digestive system, but in a non-artery clogging and non-blood pressure raising wayunless youre eating fast food while reading this.

There are dozens of reviews in this book, mostly from fast food behemoths, like McDonalds, Subway, and Taco Bell, but there are also reviews from medium-sized fast food chains, like Jack in the Box and Dunkin Donuts, and from smaller chains, like Carls Jr. and Whataburger. Most of the products reviewed can still be found on fast food menu boards, or in the McDonalds McRibs case it comes back every so often for a limited time, but some are buried in the discontinued fast food graveyard, never to be consumed again.

These fast food reviews were originally posted on our blog, The Impulsive Buy (theimpulsivebuy.com), which is one of the internets premier websites for junk and fast food reviews. Actually, were not 100 percent sure the last part of the previous sentence is true, but our cumulative blood pressure and cholesterol levels make us feel like we are.

So who are we?

Well, were just a bunch of regular folks with semi-decent grammar who have the ability to eat fast food, get sleepy from eating fast food, and wake up from our fast food-induced comas to write about what we just ate. Our writing style is a bit different than other review blogs because we want our reviews to not only educate, but to also entertain. Of course, what we define as entertaining might be different than your definition, so let us put it this way: If The Impulsive Buy was a movie, the Motion Picture Association of America would give us a PG-13 or R rating for a little profanity, some sexual situations, and occasional drug use references.

The Impulsive Buy has been named a Yahoo! Site of the Day and has been mentioned in Marie Claire and Buffalo Spree magazines. It was also named one of the Top 100 Undiscovered Websites of 2008 by PC Magazine and one of their Favorite Blogs of 2008.

We hope you find this ebook useful and entertaining. If you are a dietician who accidentally purchased this book, weve included nutrition facts for almost every item, so it might not be a total loss for you.

Enjoy!

Marvo

Editor-in-chief

The Impulsive Buy

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Peer pressure is a bitch. When I was fourteen, I had my most memorable bout with peer pressure when my friends and I took turns jumping off a bridge. You heard me right. You know that old-as-dirt, parental warning: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?

Well, that bridge is real, dear reader. And it was quite clear to me at the time that the answer was: YES.

There was a creek that ran through the town where I grew up, and at certain points throughout there were little footbridges. One particular bridge was about seven feet off the ground, and one day, my pals decided they would try to jump off and land on the level surface just on the edge of the creek. I was hesitant to do it since the ground was pretty muddy, and I was more than a little scared to sully my brand new jeans and awesome TLC CrazySexyCool t-shirt. You can probably see where this is going. I took a flying leap off the edge.

Long story short, the lovely ladies of TLC were soon covered in a slick of grime, dead leaves and any number of biological specimens dredged up from the creek bed. I shouldve heeded T-Bozs warning to stick to the rivers and the lakes I was used to instead of careening like a howler monkey into certain doom. Now, I would have to go home covered in dreck and confess my bad deeds, so I was up shit creek. Literally. But like I said... peer pressure is a bitch. It can make you do things you really dont need to do... and most importantly, probably shouldnt do.

It is now evident that McDonalds has also fallen victim to the sway of their fast food peers by introducing Chicken McBites. What KFC, Chick-Fil-A, Popeyes, Sonic, and even Arbys have already accomplished years ago, McDonalds now feels it must also do in order to prove it isnt (waaaaait for it) chicken . We all know that McDonalds is no stranger to fried poultry, and that they are certainly capable of producing their own version of popcorn chicken. It just feels a bit like overkill when you already have McNuggets and Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips. Why would customers want smaller pieces of chicken with less meat in them? It doesnt make any sense. But Im getting ahead of myself.

The presentation of the Chicken McBites is on point. Chicken McBites arrive hot and fresh in a very cute and well-designed paperboard container with a built-in sauce cup holder that folds back from the lid. The sauce cup holder is very clever and handy, but make sure you dont ask for honey with your McBites like I did. The holder is not constructed to hold the shallow honey container and appears designed to grip larger dips like Sweet n Sour and BBQ Sauce. Order honey, and youll be unwittingly setting up a very cute and well-designed honey catapult.

Given that popcorn chicken is high in fat and calories and sodium, all the bad things that go against nature and your better judgment, McDonalds has decided to offer Chicken McBites in three different sizes, so you can make the best worst choice possible. They sell a 4-ounce Snack size, a 6-ounce Regular size, and a 12-ounce Shareable size. The fact that the largest size is called Shareable Size is interesting. This must be McDonalds way of saying Dont eat the whole thing by yourself, Fatass. Each size is sold individually, ranging from $1.99 to $4.99.

I ordered the Regular size and quickly discovered that the McBites themselves also varied in size. There were big ones and small ones. There were microscopic McBites (which could barely be called McBites in the first place because something that McSmall hardly required McChewing) and gargantuan McBites (that were clearly two McBites stuck together).

Like most popcorn chicken, the McBites were chewy and crispy on the outside with very generous breading. The breading was seasoned with spices that added the tiniest amount of heat. What the spices were, I do not know. The McDonalds website says that McBites consist of chicken breast meat with a savory home-style breading, so I guess those spices can be found at home, yall!

But lets talk about the meat-to-breading ratio. There were scanty amounts of breast meat here, folks. I understand it is popcorn chicken and that popcorn chicken is mostly flour, but this was really just fried, spicy flour with a slight, somewhat chicken-flavored filling. This is what McDonalds the #2 Fast Food chain in the world came up with when faced with the possibility that theyd be excluded from the popcorn chicken game? Coming in second to Subway makes them want to go out and make fried, barely-meaty chicken chunks? They just had to do something, even if that something wasnt their best effort. Did McDonalds even