Gayle Tiller - Santa Gets Outsourced: A Short Story

Santa Gets Outsourced: A Short Story byGayle Tiller Copyright 2010 by GayleTiller Smashwords Edition This is a work of fiction. Names,characters, businesses, organizations, places and incidents eitherare the product of the author's imagination or are usedfictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,events, or locales is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of thisshort story may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in anyprinted or electronic form without permission, except in the caseof brief quotations embodied in critical articles andreviews. For information, please e-mailgayletiller@yahoo.com.

Chapter One It was the week before Christmas in theNorth Pole. Santa was sitting in his library with a tall,thirty-something man dressed in a navy blue suit with a red tie.The man was clean-shaven with thick, dark curly hair. "Santa, I have some bad news for you,"said the man. "Ryan, what is it?" Santaasked. "Corporate has decided to outsource ouroperations overseas. "Overseas, where?" "Some small island. "Overseas, where?" "Some small island.

I can't rememberthe name, but the labor is cheap and it never getscold." "You're kidding, right?" Santaasked. Ryan shook his head. "It's cost toomuch money to operate here. Our heating bills are out of controland the elves' salaries are way too high." "Our heating bills are quitereasonable," argued Santa. "Plus, corporate needs to think aboutthe cost of air conditioning that the new place willcost." "The people there are used to theheat," replied Ryan. "And they'll make a lot less money than theelves." "The elves only make a dollar an hour.Are the new people making less?" "Twenty cents an hour and they don'thave the same benefits as the elves." "Benefits like what?" "Santa, last year the elves organized aunion and received a major raise.

That really hurtcorporate." "All they got was an increase in thenumber of cookies and hot chocolate drinks. So what?" "10,000 elves times three cookies a dayplus three cups of hot chocolate really adds up." "Their raises were well worth it. Plus,they were threatening to move to Las Vegas and star in some allexclusive elves' holiday show." "Corporate should have let them go backthen. They would have found people to replace them." "No, the elves have been with us foryears. They're specially trained and we need them." "Well, it doesn't matter now. Corporateis moving operations and they don't want the elves.

They only wantSanta." "I don't really want to relocate," saidSanta. "But Mrs. Claus and I are no longer together. So I'm willingto do whatever it takes to keep Christmas intact." "Are you still hurting from thedivorce?" asked Ryan. "We were together for over forty yearsand then she leaves me for the reindeers' veterinarian." "I'm sorry about whathappened." "Well, it's partially my fault. Iaccidently broke off one of the reindeer's antlers and an animalrights group comes after me.

The publicity was horrible. Mrs. Clauswas so embarrassed. People taunted her. I told her to ignore it.But she couldn't take it and there was nothing I could do to helpher." "Yeah, I tried to get a restrainingorder, but the judge denied it. "But youshould have checked out his background. "But youshould have checked out his background.

His wife was the head ofthe North Pole Reindeer Association." "Yeah, you're right," said Ryan. "Bythe way, I forgot to tell you that corporate doesn't want youanymore." "What do you mean?" "They want someone new." "That goes against tradition. My fatherwas Santa and so was my grandfather. I can count back twenty-fivegenerations. "Anyway, the new Santa is taking overtomorrow." "That's ridiculous," Santa scoffed."There's no time to train him." "He doesn't need to betrained." "Has corporate lost theirminds?" "No, he's already beentrained." "The only person I trained was my sonMichael," said Santa. "And he wasn't interested in the job.

Michaelhooked up with some American girl and they moved to Arizona. Heworks for the post office now and there's no way he's playingSanta." "I'm talking about me," saidRyan. "That's ridiculous," said Santa. "Youdon't even look the part." "Corporate wants a new image. They wantsomeone who is young and fit." "The kids won't buy it. And neitherwill the parents.

Santa has always been a big, jolly, older man.Period. No exceptions." "Times have changed. The anti-obesitygroups have been after corporate for years about your size. A fitSanta sends a good message to the kids." "I may not have a six pack, but I'm indecent shape for a man my age." "Let's get real. You can barely walk upa hill. You have high blood pressure and you've had two heartattacks." "And despite all of this, I still ridethe sleigh on Christmas Eve, slide down chimneys throughout theworld and deliver presents.

That's pretty darn good." "The sleigh is motorized and most ofthe time, the elves are doing all the work." "What are you talkingabout?" "I hired a PI firm last year and hadyou tailed. They filmed the elves on video sliding down thechimneys and delivering the gifts. All you did was watch them, eatcookies and drink hot chocolate." "That only happened one time. I wasn'tfeeling well." "No, according to my sources, it's beenhappening for years." "That's not true." "If it doesn't matter now, becauseyou're no longer Santa." "You are so ungrateful. I took you inwhen your elf mother abandoned you." "My mother had no choice. My father wasCanadian and it's against elf law to mix withnon-elves." "It doesn't matter.

I raised you likemy own son." "You were embarrassed by me. You mademe get my ears rounded." "I thought it would make you fit inbetter." "I was half and half and you shouldhave let me decide." "I paid for your law schooleducation." "You sent me to a crappy online schoolthat no one has heard of." "That's because your grades and scoreswere so bad." "Whatever." "Don't you whatever me," said Santa. "Ihelped you start your law practice." "Some practice," scoffed Ryan. "I onlyhave a handful of clients and I barely make enough to pay mybills." "I told you to move from your loft intoa studio, but you refused." "None of this matters. Tomorrow, I'm ona plane to our new location." "I'll stop you," said Santa. "I'm the new Santa and you need to getover it." Ryan then got up from his chair and stalked out of thehouse. "I'm the new Santa and you need to getover it." Ryan then got up from his chair and stalked out of thehouse.

Chapter Two Jack, the head elf, knocked on Santa'sdoor. Santa opened the door and told Jack to sit down. Jack sat down on Santa's sofa. Hepulled out a paper from his pocket. "Santa, we just got the email fromcorporate," said Jack. "They said today is our last day." Jackhanded the paper to Santa.

Santa put on his glasses and read theemail. "They're booting me out, too. Ryan is the newSanta." "That ridiculous," said Jack. "Theycan't take Christmas away from us. We have to stopthem." "But how?" asked Santa. "The only lawyer I know is Ryan andhe's turned against us," said Santa. "There has to be good ones." "Maybe we can try the phonebook," saidSanta. "There has to be good ones." "Maybe we can try the phonebook," saidSanta.

Santa got from the sofa and walked tohis bookshelf. He pulled out the phonebook and handed it toJack. Jack turned the pages and put hisfinger on the section for attorneys. "Santa, there's only threelisted. I don't think they do the type of law we need." "What do you mean?" "One defends DUIs and the other defendscorporations. And there's the listing for Ryan." "I can't believe there are only threelawyers in the North Pole.

There has to be more." "Well, I know we have a DistrictAttorney. And that's it." "Maybe we could go to him." "You mean her. The DA is reallyanti-elf and she's related to our corporation's CEO." "That's horrible," said Santa. "Isthere anywhere else we could look?" "We could try online," said Jack. "Doyou mind if I looked on your computer?" "Go ahead." Jack walked to Santa's computer andturned it on. An odd noise came on.