Carol Leifer - How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying

The only thing more impressive than Carols success is how she has retained and polished all the lessons shes learned along the way. And the fact that she has decided to throw them your way for just a few bucks is such a ridiculously good opportunity for you, I can hardly believe it!

JERRY SEINFELD

Carol is relentless, and an entrepreneur to the core. Read this book and learn! I have no doubt she will corner you if you dont!

MARK CUBAN

Ive been in the comedy business for 30 years and thought Id seen and heard it all until I read Carols book! Its witty, classy, and filled with real-life advice gleaned from her years of getting laughs and enjoying success.

CAROLINE HIRSCH
FOUNDER OF THE LEGENDARY NEW YORK COMEDY CLUB CAROLINES

I was sad when I finished this book. I dont know if its because I didnt want it to end, or because Im just sad in general.

LARRY DAVID

Funny and sage. A great read. I even loved the parts that werent about me.

PAUL REISER

Carols gift is that she sees ordinary, everyday things in a very funny way. Shes made other comics say, Why didnt I think of that?

JAY LENO

To survive in life, you need a major trust fund and/or a sugar daddy. Carol has neither, but shes still managed to come out way ahead. Heres how she did it, and how you can, too.

JOAN RIVERS

Carol Leifer is a wonderful woman of first-rate character. This alone should be reason enough to buy her book. Please do the right thing. I would.

DAVE LETTERMAN

A remarkable memoir thats packed with anecdotes, advice, and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness.

STEVE MARTIN

Copyright 2014 by Carol Leifer

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

eISBN: 978-1-59474-682-6

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number:
2013911680

Designed by Gregg Kulick
All photographs courtesy Carol Leifer
Production management by John J. McGurk

Quirk Books
215 Church Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
quirkbooks.com

v3.1

To my parents,
Anna and Seymour Leifer,
for imparting the gift of loving
what you do

When I was growing up, my only connection to show business was my Uncle Berni, who was a writer for the game show Lets Make a Deal. Berni and my Aunt Julie had a big house right by the ocean in Santa Monica (which seemed very exotic to a Long Islander). He was handsomely paid and always had great stories about the biz. (He started out as an actor on Broadway!) My Grandma Becky even used to keep his Written by credit proudly framed on a table in her living room. To me, coming from a family of academics, this all seemed so mysterious and exciting. Which raised one question in my mind: How exactly do I get into this racket?

During my sophomore year of college, Berni told me he had a big-time television producer friend in Manhattan who was looking for a gopher and that I should call the guy when I was home for the summer. Maybe he would hire me over the break. So I called and set up an appointment to meet this producer in New York City.

But on the day of the meeting, extenuating circumstances reared their ugly head. First, I was forty-five minutes late because the Long Island Railroad was delayed. Second, I hadnt written down what floor this producers office was on or his companys name (which was not the same as his name). So I had to ask a few people in the building before I could find his office. Third, I arrived sopping wet because it was raining and I didnt bring an umbrella.

When the producer called me in, we had what I thought was a nice enough meeting, during which I talked mostly about my college journey and my comedy aspirations. I left convinced Id given a bang-up interview!

Well, I must say I was surprised a few days later when I heard that I hadnt gotten the job. What gives? I thought to myself. Im the niece of this guys good friend, Berni Gould from California! Besides the fact that Im a delight and a pleasure. But when I look back on it now, I cringe. How clueless was I, to think Id be hired after showing up unforgivably late, vastly unprepared, and soaking wet to boot (not to mention dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt)? On top of all that, I dont think I asked the producer even a single questionabout himself or the jobduring the entire interview. My reference point had been college, where on a daily basis it was all about me, me, me! And I never realized that looking for a job meant that I seriously had to reorient my entire perspective and behavior.

This book youre holding is the book I wish Id had when I started out in my career. Its a collection of lessons Ive learned since then, and although the industry Ive persevered in happens to be the business of show, I believe those lessons are universal. Whether youve just embarked on the career youve always wanted or are already snarled in the struggle for success, I hope youll find some useful counsel here.

But this book isnt only for people looking for career advice. If youre curious about the entertainment business, if youre a fan of comedy, or if youre the type of person who enjoys a good yarn about a plucky Long Island gal who went after her dreams, then this is the book for you. Youll find funny stories, some poignant moments, and hey, theres pictures.

And if my guidance can help just one reader avoid the career traps that I was unaware oflike, if its cloudy on the day of your job interview, be safe and bring an umbrellawell then lets hope that person has a huge Twitter following and can spread the word about where she got such great advice.

Performing in Wheatley High Schools Varsity Revue, 1974.

HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF DURING THE FRENZIED SCRAMBLE FOR GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT

Stand-up comedy is a cash business, Carol. And you cant beat cash!

Seymour Leifer, O.D.

Find a job you love, and youll never work a day in your life. So goes the saying, and no truer words were ever spoken, except maybe Never eat at an empty restaurant. I feel lucky that, even as a child, I knew I wanted to be in comedy. But there did come a day when I had to decide if I should stay on the comedy path or follow the road more traveled.