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Henry Beard - X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema: All the Latin You Need to Know for Surviving the 21st Century

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Henry Beard X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema: All the Latin You Need to Know for Surviving the 21st Century
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SUMMARY: This book is the perfect gift for the discriminating linguist. Unleash your inner gladiator with hundreds of modern putdowns and comebacks -- all with the superiority and anonymity of the ancient tongue. For example, it features classical kiss-offs such as You want a part of me? Bring it on!: Visne partem mei capere? Comminus aganus!. Spice up your snowboarding speak -- Super rad! Im Stoked!: Maxime radicitus! Flagro! Thanks to this little book, you too can tap the awesome power of Latin to dismay the ignorant multitudes. And, best of all, youll be able to insult and abuse one and all in perfect safety, using a language that everyone respects but practically no one understands. And have a nice day!: Et futue te ipsum! Illustrations.

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GOTHAM BOOKS
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
Penguin Books Australia Ltd, 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia
Penguin Books Canada Ltd, 10 Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4V 3B2
Penguin Books (NZ) Ltd, Cnr Rosedale and Airborne Roads, Albany, Auckland 1310, New Zealand
Published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. First electronic edition, December 2004
Copyright Henry Beard, 2004
All rights reserved Illustrations copyright James Sherman, 2004
Gotham Books and the skyscraper logo are trademarks of
Penguin Group (USA) Inc. MSR ISBN 0-7865-5369-3
AEB ISBN 0-7865-5370-7 Set in Dante MT and Trajan
Designed by Sabrina Bowers
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

Your support of the authors rights is appreciated. Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copyright infringement and could subject the infringer to criminal and civil liability. www.penguin.com
Although I did the original Latin composition for the first draft of this book - photo 1 Although I did the original Latin composition for the first draft of this book, my translations have been extensively corrected, meticulously polished, and felicitously rephrased by J. Mark Sugars, Ph.D., without whose assistance I would have been in merda profundissima (very deep doo-doo). Thus, to the extent that the classical constructions herein are historically appropriate, grammatically accurate, and culturally apt, it is he who deserves the imposing, but tasteful, triumphal arch on the sunny side of the Forum, just below the Palatine Hill. (The Hamptons will do nicely.) That said, I have to confess that even the most dedicated Latin purist inevitably succumbs to the temptation to make a cheap joke at the expense of the noble tongue of Romes golden age, and I am no exception. (The Hamptons will do nicely.) That said, I have to confess that even the most dedicated Latin purist inevitably succumbs to the temptation to make a cheap joke at the expense of the noble tongue of Romes golden age, and I am no exception.

Therefore, in the interests of scholarly integrity, I am compelled to concede that there is no Latin verb geronimo, geronimare meaning to express an intention to act boldly or rashly, say, just prior to jumping off a bridge, and if a Roman diner wished to remark, I will recommend this restaurant, zago, zagas, zagat is not the way he would have phrased it. The rest of the Augustan yadda-yadda ( iaddo, iaddere, iaddedi, iadditum ) is as kosher as we could make it. Oh, all right. Yadda-yadda is actually blatero, blaterare . Sheesh.
Its often said that Latin is a dead language Lingua Latina saepe dicitur - photo 2 Its often said that Latin is a dead language Lingua Latina saepe dicitur mortua esse LEEN-gwah lah-TEE-nah SIGH-pay DEE-kih-tuhr MOHR-too-ah EHS-seh Baloney! Nugas! NOO-gahss! Its just been taking a long nap Modum iam pridem meridiatur MOH-duhm yahm PREE-dehm meh-ree-dih-AH-tuhr And its been talking a lot in its sleep Iam diu autem multa verba facit dormiens Yahm DIH-ooh OW-tehm MOOL-tah WEHR-bah FAH-kiht DOHR-mih-ehns In fact, you cant get it to shut up Re vera, non potes eam in silentium redigere Ray WAY-rah nohn POH-tess EH-ahm ihn sih-LAYN-tih-uhm reh-DIHG-eh-reh Look aroundLatin is all over the place, like a cheap toga CircumspiceLingua Latina se pandit ubique tanquam toga qwevilis KEER-kuhm-spih-kehLEEN-gwah lah-TEE-nah say PAHN-diht ooh-BEE-kweh TAHN-kwaum TOH-gah WIH-liss Lawyers use it to screw you Iurisperiti ea utuntur ut te defraudent Yoo-riss-peh-REE-tee EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr uht tay deh-FROW-dehnt Doctors use it to scare you shitless Medici hac lingua utuntur ut alvum evacues ex metu MEH-dih-kee hock LEEN-gwah uh-TOON-tuhr uht AHL-wuhm ay-WAH-koo-ays eks MEH-tooh Politicians use it to hide their tracks while they rob you blind Magistratus ea utuntur ad operienda vestigia cum te despoliant Mah-gihs-TRAH-toohs EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr ahd oh-pehr-ih-AYN-dah wehs-TEE-gih-ah kuhm tay deh-SPOH-lih-ahnt Priests use it to weasel their way out when they get caught playing hide-the-sausage with the altar boys Sacerdotes in stupro cum acolytis deprehensi ea utuntur ut se criminibus absolvant Sah-kehr-DOH-tays ihn STOOP-roh kuhm ah-koh-LEE-teese day-preh-HAYN-see EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr uht say krih-MIHN-ih-buhss ahb-SOHL-wahnt Even garden supply stores use it to get you to buy overpriced, short-lived houseplants Etiam venditores rerum hortensium ea utuntur ad persuadendum tibi ut emas maximo pretio plantas vitae brevis EH-tih-ahm wehn-dih-TOHR-ace RAY-ruhm hohr-TAYN-sih-uhm EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr ahd pehr-swah-DAYN-duhm TIH-bee uht EH-mahs MAHK-sih-moh PREH-tih-oh PLAHN-tahs WEE-tye BREH-wihss The fact is, for too long these dirtbags have had a monopoly on this mighty tongue Diutius quidem haec propudia monopolio huius magnifici sermonis fruuntur Dih-OO-tih-uhs KWIH-dehm hike proh-POOH-dih-ah moh-noh-POH-lih-oh HOO-eeh-uhss mahg-NIH-fih-kee sehr-MOH-nihss frooh-OON-tuhr But now, thanks to this little book, you too can tap the awsome power of Latin to dismay the ignorant multitudes Nunc vero, huius libelli gratia, tu quoque potentia reverenda linguae Latinae uti potes ad indoctum vulgus consternandum Nuhnk WAY-roh, HOO-eeh-uhss lih-BEHL-lee GRAH-tih-ah, too KWOH-kweh poh-TAYN-tih-ah reh-weh-RAYN-dah LEEN-gwigh LAH-tih-nigh OO-tee POH-tehss ahd ihn-DOHK-tuhm WUHL-guhs kohn-stehr-NAHN-duhm And best of all, youll be able to insult and abuse one and all in perfect safety, using a language that everyone respects but practically no one understands Atque haec est optima ratio omnium: maledicere cunctis hominibus et contumeliam imponere satis impune poteris verbis augustis quae cum omnes magno aestimant, tum nemo ferme intellegit AHT-kweh hike ehst OHP-tih-mah RAH-tih-oh OHM-nih-uhm: mah-leh-DEEK-eh-reh KOONK-tees hoh-MIHN-ih-buhss eht kohn-tuh-MAY-lih-ahm ihm-POH-neh-reh SAH-tihss ihm-POO-neh poh-TEH-rihss WAYR-beese ow-GOOS-teese kwy kuhm OHM-nays MAHG-noh EYE-stih-mahnt tuhm NEH-mo FAYR-meh ihn-TEHL-leh-giht And as you pepper your speech with catapult-powered put-downs, remember the immortal words of Maximus as he signaled the attack in Pannonia Itaque cum spargis orationem tuam praepotentibus opprobriis, memento verborum immortalium quae Maximus fecit signum dans in Pannonia: Ih-TAH-kweh kuhm SPAHR-ghiss oh-rah-tih-OH-nehm TOO-ahm prigh-poh-TAYN-tih-buhss ohp-PROH-brih-eehs, meh-MEHN-toh wayr-BOH-ruhm ihm-mohr-TAH-lih-uhm kwigh MAHK-sih-muhss FAY-kiht SIHG-nuhm dahns ihn Pahn-NOH-nih-ah: Unleash hell! Solve lora infernis! SOHL-weh LOH-rah ihn-FEHR-nihss! And have a nice day! Et futue te ipsum! Eht FUH-too-eh tay IHP-suhm Latin Terms in Modern English LEGAL LATIN MEDICAL LATIN POLITICAL LATIN ECCLESIASTICAL LATIN BOTANICA - photo 3 MEDICAL LATIN POLITICAL LATIN ECCLESIASTICAL LATIN BOTANICAL LATIN Basic - photo 4 POLITICAL LATIN ECCLESIASTICAL LATIN BOTANICAL LATIN Basic Latin Pronunciation Guide - photo 5

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