Edward Lazellari - Awakenings

Two days ago

Colby Dretch cleaned out the empties from his office wet bar. Only half a bottle of vodka and a bottle of peach schnapps remained. He threw the clinking bag, along with a valise full of his laundry, into the bathroom and hoped the new clients had good bladders. Once he had folded the bed and threw the pillows into the closet, the place looked almost ready for business. It would be a no-frills meeting.

Carla would be bringing the new clients in any minute. Colby put on a fresh shirt and tie. He tied his knot using the reflection in his office window and surveyed the bustling masses on Third Avenue. An image of dressing up a pig popped into his head; he had to chuckle. While it might hide his varicose veins, no shirt and tie could detract from his dark puffy eyes, thinning hair, gaunt cheeks, pasty pallor, and hawkish nose. He looked like Ichabod Crane on that ill-fated night, and he was only fifty-two. But it was all part of the game.

Carla led an odd crew of three men into the room. One man had to crouch to get through the door frame. He looked almost deformed-his jaw was thick as an anvil, his fedora was too small for his head, and cigarette smoke wafting from his lips caused a cloud that partly obscured his face. His stylish suit barely contained him, and dandruff lay on his jacket collar and breast. The other two looked like fashion models. Same height and build, they both wore their hair slicked back in ponytails and could have passed for twins, except for their coloring. One was light-skinned and blond, the other swarthy and dark. Carla rolled her eyes as if to say, Who let these guys out of the sideshow? She tossed him a wink and sashayed out of the room. Colby smiled; she would have made a great gangsters moll.

A cold chill went through the detective. He checked the radiator dial to his right and saw it was already in the on position. Fine time for the heater to go on the fritz, he thought. He rubbed his hands for warmth before offering one to the blond man Carla had pegged as the ringleader.

Hi. Im Colby Dretch. Take a chair, please.

Dorn, the blond man said, waiting a moment before accepting the detectives hand and taking the seat on the other side of the desk. He failed to introduce his silent colleagues.

Colby noticed a trace of an accent, but couldnt place it. Dorn exuded confidence, like someone raised in an exclusive Northeastern boarding school; the kind with crested jackets and ties, where teachers lived in fear of their students. He took his seat behind the desk. The others in the room chose to remain standing. Colby lit a cigarette and offered one to Dorn. Dorn politely declined.

What does someone with your kind of money want with a broken-down detective like me? Colby asked. Did Pinkerton go under?

Dorn studied the autographed celebrity photos around the room; Colby knew they looked impressive, even through the dust. Dorn picked up a framed photo of the detective and his boy. Your son? he asked.

In happier days, Colby thought. He was unimpressed with Dorns forward style. His names Tory. He waited for Dorn to put the photo down before continuing. I should tell you, Im suspended from practicing for the time being. A small disagreement with the district attorneys office.

Your abilities are still intact? Dorn inquired.

Yeah. As long as we keep things on the down low, keep it strictly cash, it shouldnt be a problem. Carla was right. These guys were oddballs. Anyone with common sense would have walked out already.

Dorn pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Colby. It was a long list of names with short descriptions of age and race, some of them various versions of the same name spelled different ways: Cal MacDonnell/McDonnell, Callum MacDonnell/McDonnell et cetera.

Could you locate the people on this list? Dorn asked.

Assuming how accurate the names are probably in two days.

Dorn looked to his swarthy colleague, who offered an ambiguous, yet approving, shrug. The giant just kept blowing smoke.

Are you boasting? Dorn asked.

I can cross-reference multiple government databases.

We tried other agencies with similar resources, Dorn said.

Ive got access to deep systems that are normally off limits to private firms. The fringe benefits of twenty years in the NYPD. Colby also had a network of strategically placed bribed informants. He wondered why he tried to impress clients that, as far as they knew, needed him more than he needed them. Old habits die hard, he thought.

Colby waved the paper with the names in front of Dorn. Is this it? The job?

Large agencies have too many eyes and ears, Mr. Dretch. I value discretion. I also want someone desperate. Are you desperate, Mr. Dretch?

Hardly, Colby lied. He started rubbing his hands again to keep them warm, and regretted that it looked like an act of weakness. He turned up the thermostat in the heater behind his chair.

Dont be offended, Dorn said. I insist that people who work for me make my interests their only priority. Theres a refreshing lack of activity at this firm due to your dubious practices. Dorns smile was shark white. He pulled out a recent copy of the New York Post and scanned an article. Colby Dretch under government indictment for nine counts of embezzlement and blackmail of his rich, deeply troubled, and well-connected clientele infidelities, pedophilia, domestic abuse, et cetera. And, you never reported your moonlighting income to the government. Why, they have you on tax evasion alone. Dorn moved to the second half of the article on a different page. Eight civil suits, resulting in your property and finances being placed in escrow. Suspended operating license, at least until the verdict, after which it will be fully revoked. A bit redundant, Dorn said turning his attention back to Colby. Not really much use in prison. The vultures are circling.

Innocent until proven guilty, Colby said, calmly. He was losing patience with this lot, but he wouldnt let them see him break.

Dorns cohorts made a poor attempt to suppress chuckling. Mr. Dretch, youre not just a thief-youre an accessory after the fact in your clients illicit affairs. Youd be lucky to get out in thirty years.

I think you ought to leave, the detective said in a steady voice.

Dorn reclined in his chair and smiled as warmly as his features would allow. Colby, you misunderstand. Im interested in doing business with you because youre guilty. Putting the screws to anyone naive enough to trust you with their deepest secrets is an admirable trait. Thats a sign of intelligence where I come from.

Colby had never before been complimented for being a complete bastard. His crimes were many-far more than the indictments that had been handed down already. Friendless and penniless, his passport revoked by the courts, the future looked bleak, and now he was taking crap from some rich boy with an agenda.

Colby tossed the list of names on the desk in front of Dorn. Many agencies can find these people for you, he said. You dont need me.

Thats not why Im here, detective. The real job is for a name not on this list-a young man. His name could be anything by now; even one of these, Dorn added, picking up the list.

Not interested, Colby said.

You cannot find him?

I can find anyone. But as you just pointed out, I have many problems.

Name your price.

Its not that easy.

It really is.

Fine. A million dollars as a retainer, ten thousand a day plus expenses, twenty-five thousand for each name on the list that I locate, and another million when I find the boy with no name.

The two men stared each other down; Colby waited for Dorn to leave.

Done, Dorn said.

Colby almost did a double take straight out of the movies. What?