William Kienzle - Bishop as Pawn

Bishop Ramon Diego was dead. And the priests were having a party.

On the surface, this may seem cavalier, even inhuman. But actually, the bishops battered body had not yet been discovered.

Besides, it was not exactly a party. The occasion was the quarterly meeting of Detroit city priests.

Although the gathering was a regularly scheduled event, not all the priests of the entire archdiocese of Detroit were invited.

Four times each year, the priests assigned to parishes within the actual boundaries of the city of Detroit got together to: pinpoint problem areas in their ministry; share solutions or at least attempted solutions; enjoy each others company; gripe, and gripe some more.

This also was an excellent opportunity to surreptitiously case any newcomers to the presbyterate of Detroit although almost no priests were any longer volunteering to serve in the inner city.

Some thought a natural differentiation existed between suburban ministries and priestly experience in the dying and dangerous city of Detroit proper. Others felt that priesthood was priesthood, that suburbanites had souls, and that Detroit was neither dying nor dangerous.

Even though this party was of, by, and for inner-city priests, by no means was every one of them in attendance. In all, there are about 150 priests assigned to Detroit city parishes. These dinner meetings were movable feasts. It just so happened that tonights party was hosted by the Cathedral parish. Tonight only about forty priests had gathered for the light dinner and refreshments at Blessed Sacrament.

Now, as the hour neared 10:00, only ten of the original forty-some priests remained.

Besides these few, there was the service crew-the caterer and two seminarians-who had prepared and served the buffet meal. Now they began removing the leftovers and cleaning up the kitchen.

This aint bad, Pete, the caterer, said. I expected a real crowd.

A real crowd? Mark, one of the seminarians, echoed.

Wait a minute Charlie, the other seminarian, said to Pete. You dont think the guys who showed up tonight are all the priests weve got in Detroit?

Well yeah. We got a lot of food left over, Pete replied. And, what the hell: How could you run a church in a big city like this with what? less than fifty ministers?

Priests, Mark, who was ever on the lookout for a possible convert, corrected. You a Catholic?

Naw, Greek Orthodox but I dont work at it.

Perfect, thought Mark. All Pete had to do was make a lateral arabesque to become Greek Catholic, or Uniate, and he would be in union with Rome, so to speak.

Our priests drink too, Pete said.

What?

Booze. This is just about the way wed set up for an Orthodox party. Our companys handled a few. Surprised me at first; I guess I just took it for granted that priests didnt drink. Pete smiled. Course for a while there, I didnt think they went to the bathroom either. But he indicated the sideboard well stocked with bottles of liquor and mixes-your guys drink too.

Mark leaped to the defense. You didnt see any of our guys get drunk did you?

Well the guy who came in late looked like he had a snootful.

Okay, but he sobered up pretty quick, didnt he? Soon as he got some food in him.

I guess. Pete dumped the bones of some picked-over chicken in the garbage bucket. Your guys dont dress up much.

Mark would have preferred a less adversarial conversation. But he was grateful for any opportunity to pursue a religious theme. You mean theyre not all in uniform-clericals. Well, remember, Pete: Theyre all priests and they all know each other. No need for a uniform. He sidestepped the fact that in any case clericals were no longer worn anywhere near as often as had been the custom some years back.

Well, then Pete hesitated. I guess I can ask

Anything, Pete. Things were looking good, Mark thought, for a possible eventual conversion.

Was the bishop here?

Charlie guffawed. One of the reasons these guys get together is to roast the bishops. So the bishops arent invited. And even if they were, they wouldnt come.

Bishops Pete wondered. You got more than one?

Mark leaped at Petes interest. Theres only one main bishop. Hes called the ordinary.

The others are extraordinary. Charlie laughed again.

Dont pay any attention to him. The others are called auxiliary-helping-bishops. Detroits a big, important territory; so its an archdiocese. So the ordinary is an archbishop. Except our archbishop is a Cardinal. Mark obviously relished the title. Cardinals elect the Pope!

Would you all mind stacking these boxes? Pete veered from the topic; the sooner they could pack it in here, the quicker he could get home.

Then, see Mark continued while obediently stacking boxes, the archdiocese is divided into five regions, and an auxiliary bishop is responsible for each region-with maybe an exception for our newest auxiliary, Bishop Diego. Hes supposed to look out for the Hispanics.

I sure thank you fellas. Pete, balancing an improbable pile of boxes and gear, exited without further formality.

Charlie smiled at Mark sympathetically. I thought for a minute you had him there. Maybe next time.

If wed had all the guys here-maybe then Pete wouldve been impressed. Or, if more of the guys had been wearing their clericals Look: Theres about ten guys left and only one of em is wearing a collar.

Charlie snorted. He probably wears a Roman collar in the shower.

Huh?

Names Koesler, Father Robert Koesler. Hes pastor of Old St. Joes downtown. I did some work for him last summer. Took census in his parish-almost everybody there lives in a highrise, or an apartment or a condo. A nice guy, but definitely old school.

Oh, yeah Mark brightened. I remember him. Isnt he the uh ?

Detective priest? Charlie grinned. I guess some people think so. But he doesnt. He told me all hes done is just supply some information to the police from time to time. No big deal, according to him.

Oh Marks attention turned to another related consideration. Now that I think of it, how come this isnt open to all the priests? When Cardinal Boyle has a general meeting everybody shows up.

I dont know Charlie grew reflective. There is a difference. Even when theres a general meeting, the suburban guys hang out together and the same for the city guys. Must have something to do with their territory. I guess its the difference between first, second, and third world countries.

The two young men, now almost done, were packing away the untouched food, which would be distributed to the needy tomorrow. Charlie chuckled. Reminds me of something my aunt told me a while back. Charlies aunt was a nun who had a penchant for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people.

You know how in the old days if the nuns did something wrong, they had to confess it to all the other nuns in their convent? They called it the Chapter of Faults.

Anyway, a priest used to say Mass at the convent once a week. The nuns took turns making him a pretty damn good breakfast after Mass. Well, one morning when it was my aunts turn, the priest left some bacon and eggs, which my aunt promptly scarfed down. But then she felt guilty. So at the next Chapter of Faults, she confessed, I ate Fathers remains.

They both laughed.

By the way, Mark said, whos the new guy?

What new guy?

The one who came in with the Ste. Annes crew?

Oh okay I cant think of his name right now, but hes about to become a Detroit priest. Didnt you see the announcement in the Detroit Catholic?

I mustve missed it.

Hes a Maryknoller an older guy.

Actually, the priest in question was a Maryknoll missionary, or, more technically, a member of the Catholic Foreign Mission Society of America.