Cheryl Tardif - Children of the Fog

She was ready to die.

She sat at the kitchen table, a half empty bottle of Philips precious red wine in one hand, a loaded gun in the other. Staring at the foreign chunk of metal, she willed it to vanish. But it didnt.

Sadie checked the gun and noted the single bullet.

Ones all you need.

If she did it right.

She placed the gun on the table and glanced at a pewter-framed photograph that hung off-kilter above the mantle of the fireplace. It was illuminated by a vanilla-scented candle, one of many that threw flickering shadows over the rough wood walls of the log cabin.

Sams sweet face stared back at her, smiling.

Alive.

From where she sat, she could see the small chip in his right front tooth, the result of an impatient father raising the training wheels too early. But there was no point in blaming Philipnot when theyd both lost so much.

Not when its all my fault.

Her gaze swept over the mantle. There were three objects on it besides the candle. Two envelopes, one addressed to Leah and one to Philip, and the portfolio case that contained the illustrations and manuscript on disc for Sams book.

She had finished it, just like she had promised.

And promises cant be broken. Right, Sam?

A single tear burned a path down her cheek.

Sam was gone.

What reason do I have for living now?

She gulped back the last pungent mouthful of Cabernet and dropped the empty bottle. It rolled under the chair, unbroken, rocking on the hardwood floor. Then all was silent, except the antique grandfather clock in the far corner. Its ticking reminded her of the clowns shoe. The one with the tack in it.

Tick, tick, tick

The clock belched out an ominous gong.

It was almost midnight.

Almost time.

She drew an infinity symbol in the dust on the table.

Sadie and Sam. For all eternity.

Gong

She swallowed hard as tears flooded her eyes. Im sorry I couldnt save you, baby. I tried to. God, I tried. Forgive me, Sam. Her words ended in a gut-wrenching moan.

Something scraped the window beside her.

She pressed her face to the frosted glass, then jerked back with a gasp. Go away!

They stood motionlesssix children that drifted from the swirling miasma of night air, haunting her nights and every waking moment. Surrounded by the moonlit fog, they began to chant. One fine day, in the middle of the night

Youre not real, she whispered.

Two dead boys got up to fight.

A small, pale hand splayed against the exterior of the window. Below it, droplets of condensation slid like tears down the glass.

She reached out, matching her hand to the childs. Shivering, she pulled away. You dont exist.

The clock continued its morbid countdown.

As the alcohol and drug potpourri kicked in, the room began to spin and her stomach heaved. She inhaled deeply. She couldnt afford to get sick. Sam was waiting for her.

Tears spilled down her cheeks. Im ready.

Gong

Without hesitation, she raised the gun to her temple.

Dont! the children shrieked.

She pressed the gun against her flesh. The tip of the barrel was cold. Like her hands, her feet her heart.

A sob erupted from the back of her throat.

The clock let out a final gong. Then it was deathly silent.

It was midnight.

Her eyes found Sams face again.

Happy Mothers Day, Sadie.

She took a steadying breath, pushed the gun hard against her skin and clamped her eyes shut.

Mommys coming, Sam.

She squeezed the trigger.

Sadie OConnell let out a snicker as she stared at the price tag on the toy in her hand. What did they stuff this with, laundered money? She tossed the bunny back into the bin and turned to the tall, leggy woman beside her. What are you getting Sam for his birthday?

Her best friend gave her a cocky grin. What should I get him? Your kids got everything already.

Dont even go there, my friend.

But Leah was right. Sadie and Philip spoiled Sam silly. Why shouldnt they? They had waited a long time for a baby. Or at least, she had. After two miscarriages, Sams birth had been nothing short of a miracle. A miracle that deserved to be spoiled.

Leah groaned loudly. Christ, its a goddamn zoo in here.

Toyz & Twirlz in West Edmonton Mall was crawling with overzealous customers. The first major sale of the spring season always brought people out in droves. Frazzled parents swarmed the toy store, swatting their wayward brood occasionallythe way youd swat a pesky yellowjacket at a barbecue. One distressed father hunted the aisles for his son, who had apparently taken off on him as soon as his back was turned. In every aisle, parents shouted at their kids, threatening, cajoling, pleading and then predictably giving in.

So who let the animals out? Sadie said, surveying the store.

The screeching wheels of shopping carts and the constant whining of overtired toddlers were giving her a headache. She wished to God shed stayed home.

Excuse me.

A plump woman with frizzy, over-bleached hair gave Sadie an apologetic look. She navigated past them, pushing a stroller occupied by a miniature screaming alien. A few feet away, she stopped, bent down and wiped something that looked like curdled rice pudding from the corner of the childs mouth.

Sadie turned to Leah. Thank God Sams past that stage.

At five years oldsoon to be sixher son was the apple of her eye. In fact, he was the whole darned tree. A lanky imp of a boy with tousled black hair, sapphire-blue eyes and perfect bow lips, Sam was the spitting image of his mother and the exact opposite of his father in temperament. While Sam was sweet natured, gentle and loving, Philip was impatient and distant. So distant that he rarely said I love you anymore.

She stared at her wedding ring. What happened to us?

But she knew what had happened. Philips status as a trial lawyer had grown, more money had poured in and fame had gone to his head. He had changed. The man she had fallen in love with, the dreamer, had gone. In his place was someone she barely knew, a stranger who had decided too late that he didnt want kids.

Or a wife.

How about this? Leah said, nudging her.

Sadie stared at the yellow dump truck. Fill it with a stuffed bat and Sam will think its awesome.

Her sons fascination with bats was almost comical. The television was always tuned in to the Discovery Channel while her son searched endlessly for any show on the furry animals.

What did Phil the Pill get him? Leah asked dryly.

A new Leap Frog module.

I still cant believe the things that kid can do.

Sadie grinned. Me neither.