T.S. Eliot - Old Possums Book of Practical Cats

This custom made eBook of T.S. Eliots Old Possums Guide of Practical Cats was created from a scan of the 1982 Harcourt-Brace-Jovanovich edition. The illustrations are a mix of those found in the HBJ edition by Edward Gorey and from artist Errol Le Cain. Enjoy! Jerry The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter, It isn't just one of your holiday games, You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter When I tell you, a cat must have three different names. First of all, there's the name that the family use daily, Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James, Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey All of them sensible everyday names There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter, Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames: Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Dcmeter But all of them sensible everyday names. But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular, A name that's peculiar, and more dignified, Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular, Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum, Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Concopat, Such as Bombalunna, or else Jellylorum Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over, And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can discover But the cat himself knows, and will never confess.

When you notice a cat in profound meditation, The reason, I tell you, is always the same: His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name His ineffable effable Effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is of the tabby kind, with tiger stripes and leopard spots. All day she sits upon the stair or on the steps or on the mat: She sits and sits and sits and sitsand that's what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day's hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun. And when all the family's in bed and asleep, She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep. She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice Their behaviour's not good and their manners not nice, So when she has got them lined up on the matting, She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting. I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her equal would be hard to find, she likes the warm and sunny spots.

All day she sits beside the hearth or on the bed or on my hat: She sits and sits and sits and sitsand that's what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day's hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun. As she finds that the mice will not ever keep quiet, She is sure it is due to irregular diet And believing that nothing is done without trying, She sets right to work with her baking and frying. She makes them a mouse-cake of bread and dried peas, And a beautiful fry of lean bacon and cheese. I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots. She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that's smooth and flat: She sits and sits and sits and sitsand that's what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day's hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun. She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment.

So she's formed, from that lot of disorderly louts, A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts, With a purpose in life and a good deed to do And she's even created a Beetles' Tattoo. So for Old Gumbie Cats let us now give three cheers On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.

Growltiger was a Bravo Cat, who lived upon a barge: In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large, From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims, Rejoicing in his title of "The Terror of the Thames". His manners and appearance did not calculate to please; His coat was torn and seedy, he was baggy at the knees, One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why, And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye. The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame, At Hammersmith and Putney people shuddered at his name. They would fortify the hen-house, lock up the silly goose, When the rumour ran along the shore GROWLTIGERS ON THE LOOSE! Woe to the weak canary, that fluttered from its cage; Woe to the pampered Pekinese, that faced Growltiger's rage; Woe to the bristly Bandicoot, that lurks on foreign ships, And woe to any Cat with whom Growltiger came to grips! But most to Cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed; To Cats of foreign name and race no quarter was allowed.

The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear. Now on a peaceful summer night, all nature seemed at play, The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molesey lay. All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side. His bucko mate, Grumbuskin, long since had disappeared, For to the Bell at Hampton he had gone to wet his beard, And his bosun, Tumblebrutus, he too had stol'n away In the yard behind the Lion he was prowling for his prey. In the forepeak of the vessel Growltiger sate alone, Concentrating his attention on the Lady Griddlebone, And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks. Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone, And the Lady seemed enraptured by his manly baritone, Disposed to relaxation, and awaiting no surprise But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes.

And closer still and closer the sampans circled round, And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound. The lovers sang their last duet, in danger of their lives For the foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives.

Next page