about the author
Beth Lisick is a writer and performer from the San Francisco Bay Area, currently residing in Brooklyn. Her books include the New York Times bestselling comic memoir Everybody Into the Pool and the gonzo self-help manifesto Helping Me Help Myself . Lisick has toured the U.S. and Europe as a solo spoken-word performer, front person for the band The Beth Lisick Ordeal, and member of the groundbreaking queer roadshow Sister Spit. Her other projects include comedic performance for the stage and screen with Tara
Jepsen , curating the monthly Porchlight Storytelling Series with Arline Klatte, and teaching creative writing to young adults. She played the female lead in Frazer Bradshaws award-winning feature film Everything Strange and New and recently received a grant from the Creative Work Foundation to write a book about the developmentally disabled artists at Creativity
Explored in San Francisco.
Beth Lisicks kaleidoscopic whirlwind tour through her secret shames is the ultimate joyride for those of us who enjoy cringe-worthy embarrassment, genuine pathos, and an overdosing amount of schadenfreude.Michael Ian Black, comedian and author of Youre Not Doing It Right
This book is fucking great. There is a story in it called PANDA AMBULANCE!!! How is Beth Lisick not as famous as David Sedaris?Kathleen Hanna, musician and activist
These short pieces, which at first seem casually constructed and connected, are immediately funny, ironic, personable, embarrassing and oddly appealing. Yet quickly they accumulate into deep emotional resonance. Just a few pages in and I was totally involved with the struggles of this clearly talented, hilariously confused person to be better in her own weird antic backassward ways. Full of indelible phrases (Panda Ambulance!) and painfully irrefutable observations about art, crappy jobs, friendship, wealth, sex, hygiene, booze, motherhood, and so many other things, this book is basically the inverse of those sappy self-discovery memoirs that inevitably arc into hard earned wisdom and self-discovery. This writer has the courage to stay in difficult places, and therefore be truer to life. I laughed and cringed and cared more and more. Thank you, Beth Lisick, it was and continues to be worth all the struggles.Matthew Zapruder, author of Come On All You Ghosts
Yokohama Threeway by Beth Lisick is a whip-smart, occasionally profound, often profane, always very funny collection of somewhere around three hundred (judged by weight) short, sharp, sweet literary shocks. Speaking as someone who hates everything, I love this book.James Greer, musician & author of The Failure
What to call Beth Lisicks Yokohama Threeway ? Part flash fiction, part poetry, part outsider art. Reality television, minus the cameras. Spoon River Anthology meets Tom Waits. Ill settle for hilarious, heartbreaking, compassionate, pitch perfect, utterly original.Joyce Maynard, author of After Her and Labor Day
No matter how civilized we all like to pretend we are, Lisicks writing reminds us how simultaneously wonderful and terrible it is to be alive. By baring her own Oh, no! experiences, she shows us there is no shame in being human. Okay, a lot of shame. But at least its funny shame.Kim Wong Keltner, author of Tiger Babies Strike Back
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Yokohama Threeway
AND OTHER SMALL SHAMES
Beth Lisick
City Lights Books | San Francisco
Copyright 2013 by Beth Lisick
All Rights Reserved.
Cover illustration by David L. Cooper
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lisick, Beth, 1968
Yokohama threeway : and other small shames / Beth Lisick.
page cm
ISBN 978-0-87286-625-6 (pbk.)
1. Lisick, Beth, 1968Anecdotes. 2. Authors, American20th centuryAnecdotes. I. Title.
PS3562.I77Z479 2013
' .5409dc23
[B]
2013020603
City Lights Books are published at the City Lights Bookstore,
261 Columbus Avenue, San Francisco, CA 94133.
www.citylights.com
Acknowledgments
Thank you Michelle Tea for all the inspiration and support over the years. Youve helped many of us keep going and your faith in this book and editorial advice are huge. Thank you to this books co-editor Elaine Katzenberger for her wisdom, plus Peter, Stacey, Robert, Jolene, and all the City Lights crew.
Sister Spit, RADAR and the organizers and fellow writers at the RADAR residency, Creative Work Fund, the artists and staff at Creativity Explored, Daniel Greenberg and Tim Wojcik of the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency, plus true pals Alan Black, Marc Capelle, Angela Coon, Tara Jepsen, Arline Klatte, Jan Richman, and Amy Sullivan.
My parents, brothers, Lora, and Penelope, always.
My kid Gus and husband Eli, forevs.
False Imprisonment
lets go around to the side of the house. Lets do it back there. Its only piles of dirt and pool equipment and a patch of mustard greens that my brother planted. The greens were too bitter for anyone to eat and now theyre dead anyway. I think that tree in the corner will be strong enough to hold her if we tie the rope tight enough. Did you get the rope from the garage? Good. Shes tiny, it wont take much. Okay, now you hide behind the gate so when she opens it she wont know youre here. Ill try to get her to go over near the tree, and thats your cue to come out. Once she sees you, just keep moving toward her until we have her backed up against the tree, and then well tie her up tight. Wait! We need a scarf to tie around her mouth so no one can hear her scream. Go get one from my moms closet. Hurry! Theres one with colored polka dots. Now, shes going to cross Titus Avenue, coming from her dirty house that always smells like syrup where the sad, fat mom is trying to raise five kids after the dad left her for someone else who weve never seen. He thinks hes so great, that divorced Dad, in his green Audi Fox. With his golf clubs and tennis racket and bald head. You know the mom went and got super into Jesus, and now they all go to that weird huge church on the other end of the valley that people call a superchurch. All of the kids go and sing to Jesus, except for the redhead brother who is mean, mean, mean. Shannon is the best one of the kids, but were going to tie her up anyway. Shes the skinny twin, the one that popped out second, the cute one who doesnt stutter and can do good cartwheels. Why does looking through a knothole in a fence always make my eye burn? Here she comes. Shes coming! Get the rope! Shell stay tied up to this tree until everyone is worried about her, whenever that happens, and she will cry and she will pay. No one warps my Grease soundtrack album and gets away with it.
Guitar Lessons
MY EX-BOYFRIENDS ROOMMATE WAS GOING TO TEACH ME how to play my new guitar for ten bucks a lesson. The first few went okay. I would strap the case on my back and ride my mountain bike over the flat streets of Santa Cruzs west side, work my way through the tangle of vines at the front walk, lean the bike against the blue stucco wall, and ring the bell at a.m. sharp. Ted was sweet. He would get me a glass of water or a cup of tea and we would sit in the living room, strumming chords and sometimes trying to sing. I was slightly relieved when the other roommate wasnt there. His name was Clover and he made his living by traveling to fairs and festivals, demonstrating and selling his special patented meditation workout sticks that were kind of like a combination of hippie devil sticks and a hackey sack. Clover bragged too much about how deeply he understood dolphins, and his hugs were always too long.
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