Rita Braun - Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here

Rita Mae Brown

WISH YOU WERE HERE

A Bantam Book

PUBLISHING HISTORY

Bantam hardcover edition published December1990

Bantam mass market edition / November 1991

Bantam mass market reissue / April 2004

Published by Bantam Dell

A Division of Random House, Inc. New York, NewYork

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters,places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or areused fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events,or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved

Copyright 1990 by American Artists, Inc.

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number:90-1071

No part of this book may be reproduced ortransmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without thewritten permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. Forinformation address: Bantam Books, New York, New York.

Visit our website at www.bantamdell.com

BantamBooks and the rooster colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

eISBN 0-553-89861-2 Published simultaneously inCanada

Contents

Cover Page

TitlePage

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Castof Characters

AuthorsNote

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

Chapter21

Chapter22

Chapter23

Chapter24

Chapter25

Chapter26

Chapter27

Chapter28

Chapter29

Chapter30

Chapter31

Chapter32

Chapter33

Chapter34

Chapter35

Chapter36

Chapter37

Chapter38

Chapter39

Chapter40

Chapter41

Chapter42

Chapter43

Chapter44

Chapter45

Chapter46

Afterword

Booksby Rita Mae Brown

Previewsof The Mrs. Murphy Series

Copyright Page

Dedicated to the memory of Sally Mead

Director of the Charlottesville-Albemarle

Society for the Prevention of Cruelty toAnimals

Acknowledgments

Gordon Reistrup helped me type and proofread, and Carolyn Lee Dowbrought me lots of catnip. I couldnt have written this book without them.

Cast of Characters

Mary Minor Haristeen(Harry), the youngpostmistress of Crozet, whose curiosity almost kills the cat and herself.

Mrs. Murphy, Harrys gray tiger cat, who bearsan uncanny resemblance to authoress Sneaky Pie and who is wonderfullyintelligent!

Tee Tucker, Harrys Welsh corgi, Mrs. Murphysfriend and confidant; a buoyant soul

Pharamond Haristeen(Fair),veterinarian, being divorced by Harry and confused by life

BoomBoom Craycroft, a high-society knockout who carriesa secret torch

Kelly Craycroft, BoomBooms husband

Mrs. George Hogendobber(Miranda), a widowwho thumps her own Bible!

Bob Berryman, misunderstood by his wife, Linda

Ozzie, Berrymans Australian shepherd

Market Shiflett, owner of Shifletts Market, next tothe post office

Pewter, Markets fat gray cat, who, whenneed be, can be pulled away from the food bowl

Susan Tucker, Harrys best friend, who doesnttake life too seriously until her neighbors get murdered

Ned Tucker, a lawyer and Susans husband

Jim Sanburne, mayor of Crozet

Big Marilyn Sanburne(Mim), queen ofCrozet and a awful snob

Little MarilynSanburne, daughterof Mim, and not as dumb as she appears

Josiah Dewitt, a witty antiques dealer sought outby Big Marilyn and her cronies

Maude Bly Modena, a smart transplanted Yankee

Rick Shaw, Albemarle sheriff

Cynthia Cooper, police officer

Hayden McIntire, town doctor

Rob Collier, mail driver

Paddy, Mrs. Murphys ex-husband, a saucytom

Authors Note

Mother is in the stablemucking out stalls, a chore she richly deserves. Ive got the typewriter all tomyself, so I can tell you the truth. I would have kept silent, but that fattoad Pewter pushed her way onto the cover of Starting from Scratch.She took full credit for writing the book. Granted, Pewters ego is in agaseous state, ever-expanding, but that act of feline self-advertisement wasmore than I could bear.

Let me set the recordstraight. I am seven years old and for the duration of my life I have assistedMother in writing her books. I never minded that she failed to mention theextent of my contribution. Humans are like that, and since theyre such frailcreatures (can you call fingernails claws?), I let it go. Humans are one thing.Cats are another, and Pewter, one year my junior, is not the literary lion sheis pretending to be.

You dont have to believeme. Let me prove it to you. I am starting a kitty crime series. Pewter hasnothing to do with it. I will, however, make her a minor character to keeppeace in the house. This is my own work, every word.

I refuse to divulge whetherthis novel is a roman clef. I will say only that I bear a strongresemblance to Mrs. Murphy.

Yours truly,

SNEAKYPIE

1

Mary Minor Haristeen, Harryto her friends, trotted along the railroad track. Following at her heels wereMrs. Murphy, her wise and willful tiger cat, and Tee Tucker, her Welsh corgi.Had you asked the cat and the dog they would have told you that Harry belongedto them, not vice versa, but there was no doubt that Harry belonged to thelittle town of Crozet, Virginia. At thirty-three she was the youngestpostmistress Crozet had ever had, but then no one else really wanted the job.

Crozet nestles in thehaunches of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The town proper consists of RailroadAvenue, which parallels the Chesapeake Ohio Railroad track, and a streetintersecting it called the Whitehall Road. Ten miles to the east reposes therich and powerful small city of Charlottesville, which, like a golden fungus,is spreading east, west, north, and south. Harry liked Charlottesville justfine. It was the developers she didnt much like, and she prayed nightly theydcontinue to think of Crozet and its three thousand inhabitants as a dinkylittle whistle stop on the route west and ignore it.

A gray clapboard buildingwith white trim, next to the rail depot, housed the post office. Next to thatwas a tiny grocery store and a butcher shop run by Market Shiflett. Everyoneappreciated this convenience because you could pick up your milk, mail, andgossip in one central location.

Harry unlocked the door andstepped inside just as the huge railroad clock chimed seven beats for 7:00 A.M. Mrs. Murphy scooted under her feet and Tuckerentered at a more leisurely pace.

An empty mail bin invitedMrs. Murphy. She hopped in. Tucker complained that she couldnt jump in.

Tucker, hush. Mrs. Murphywill be out in a minutewont you? Harry leaned over the bin.

Mrs. Murphy stared rightback up at her and said, Fat chance. Let Tucker bitch. She stole my catnipsockie this morning.

All Harry heard was a meow.

The corgi heard every word.Youre a real shit, Mrs. Murphy. Youve got a million of those socks.

Mrs. Murphy put her paws onthe edge of the bin and peeped over. So what. I didnt say you could playwith any of them.

Stop that, Tucker. Harrythought the dog was growling for no reason at all.