Rita Braun - The Tail Of The Tip-Off

The Tail of theTip-Off

Rita Mae Brown

Dedicated to

Mrs. C. McGhee Baxter

because it will makeher holler,

"Why did you dothat?"

Cast of Characters

Mary Minor Haristeen (Harry) The young postmistress of Crozet.

Mrs. Murphy Harry's inquisitive and intelligent gray tigercat.

Tee Tucker Harry's faithful Welsh corgi.

Pewter Harry's shamelessly fat gray cat.

Susan Tucker Harry's best friend.

Fair Haristeen An equine veterinarian, and Harry's ex-husband.

BoomBoom Craycroft A tall, beautiful blonde who has alwaysirritated Harry.

Miranda Hogendobber A virtuous and kindly widow who works withHarry at the post office.

Tracy Raz Miranda's former high-school sweetheart who reunitedwith her at their fiftieth reunion. Also a referee at UVA women's basketballgames.

Reverend Herbert C. Jones The beloved pastor of St. Luke'sLutheran Church.

Cazenovia and Elocution Reverend Jones's two cats, whom hedotes on.

Big Marilyn (Big Mim) Sanburne The undisputed queen of Crozetsociety.

Little Mim Sanburne Big Mim's daughter who is still strugglingfor her own identity.

Tally Urquhart Older than dirt, she says what she thinks whenshe thinks it, even to her niece, Big Mim.

Coach Debbie Ryan The motivated leader of the UVA women'sbasketball team.

Andrew Argenbright Coach Ryan's assistant coach with thewomen's team.

Rick Shaw The overworked and understaffed Sheriff who prefersto play it by the book.

Cynthia Cooper The sheriff's deputy and Harry's good friend.

Tazio Chappars A young, brilliant architect, and a recentaddition to the community. She's on the Parish Guild with Harry and BoomBoom atSt. Luke's.

Brinkley A half-starved yellow lab who loves Tazio.

Matthew Crickenberger A powerful but generous businessman andcontractor who also sits on the Parish Guild.

Fred Forrest The cantankerous and combative county buildingcode inspector with a reputation for scrupulous, if sour, integrity.

Mychelle Burns Fred's assistant. She models her behavior,unfortunately, on Fred's.

H. H. Donaldson A fiercely competitive local contractor.Hot-tempered but good-hearted, yet he has a wandering eye.

Anne Donaldson H.H.'s long-suffering wife. Though wary, anintelligent woman and a good mother.

1

A gray sleety drizzle rattled against the handblownwindowpanes in the rectory at St. Luke's Lutheran Church. As if incounterpoint, a fire crackled in the large but simple fireplace, the manteladorned by a strip of dentil carving. The hands of that carver had turned todust in 1797.

The members of the Parish Guild were seated in a semicirclearound the fireplace, at a graceful coffee table in the middle. As anyoneknows, serving on a board or a committee is a dubious honor. Most peoplerecognize their duty in time to avoid it. However, the work must be done andsome good folks bow their heads to the yoke.

Mary Minor Haristeen had succumbed to the thrill of beingelected, of being considered responsible, by the congregation. This thrillthinned as the tangle of tasks presented themselves in meeting after meeting.She liked the physical problems better than the people problems. Fixing afallen drainspout was within her compass of expertise. Fixing a broken heart,offering succor to the ill, well, she was learning.

The good pastor of St. Luke's, the Reverend Herbert C. Jones,excelled at both the people problems and teaching. He gladly gave of himself toany board member, any parishioner. As he'd baptized Mrs. Haristeen, nicknamedHarry, he felt a special affection for the good-looking woman in her latethirties. It was an affection bounteously returned, for Harry loved the Rev, asshe called him, with all her heart.

Although the guild was bickering at this exact moment, it'd befair to say that every member loved the Reverend Jones. It would be also fairto say that most of them liked-if not loved-Harry. The one exception beingBoomBoom Craycroft who sort of liked her and sort of didn't. The feeling wasmutual.

Like large white confetti, papers rested on the coffee tablealong with mugs. The aroma of coffee and hot chocolate somewhat dissipated thetension.

"We just can't go off half-cocked here and authorize anexpenditure of twelve thousand dollars." Tazio Chappars crossed her armsover her chest. She was an architect and a young, attractive woman of color,with an Italian mother and an African-American father.

"Well, we have to do something," Herb said in hisresonant, hypnotic voice.

"Why?" Tazio, combative, shifted in her seat.

"Because the place looks like hell," Harry blurtedout. "Sorry, Rev."

"Quite all right. It does." Herb laughed.

Hayden McIntyre, the town's general practitioner, was a fleshyman with an air of command if not a touch of arrogance. He slipped his pencilout from behind his ear and began scribbling on the budget papers which hadbeen handed out at the beginning of the meeting. "Let's try this. I am notarguing replacing the carpet in the rectory. We've put this off for four yearsnow. I remember hearing arguments pro and con when I first came on board. Thisis one of the loveliest, most graceful churches in the Piedmont and it shouldreflect that." An appreciative murmur accompanied this statement."I've broken this down into three areas of immediate need. First thesacristy: must be done." He held up his hand as Tazio opened her mouth."It must. I know what you're going to say."

"No you don't." Her hazel eyes brightened."Well, okay, maybe you do. Pick up the carpet and sand the floors."

"Tazio, we've been over that. We can't do that becausethe floorboards are so thin they can't take it." Matthew Crickenberger,head of Charlottesville's largest construction firm, clapped his hands togethersoftly for emphasis. "Those floorboards are chestnut. They've been doingtheir job since 1797 and frankly they're tired and we can't really replacethem. If you think the bill for new carpeting is high, wait until you see thebill for chestnut flooring even if we could find it. Mountain Lumber up thereoff Route 29 might be able to scare some up and give us a preacher's price, butwe're still talking about thousands and thousands of dollars. Chestnut is asrare as hen's teeth and we'd need a great deal of it." He glanced down athis notes. "Six thousand square feet if we were to replace everything nowunder carpet and this doesn't factor in the other areas currently in use butnot quite ready for recarpeting."

Tazio exhaled, flopping back in her chair. She wantedeverything just so but she didn't have to foot the bill. Still, it rankled tohave a vision amputated because of a small pocketbook. Such was an architect'sfate.

"Hayden, you had a plan?" Herb pushed the meetingalong. No one wanted to be late to the basketball game and this discussion waseating up time.

"Yes," he smiled, "what people see first is thesacristy. If we can't come to an arrangement among us, can we at least agree togo ahead with that? The cost would be about four thousand."

"If we are going to have the place ripped up, then let'sjust get it over with. We know we have to do this." BoomBoom, gorgeous asalways, shimmered in her teal suede dress.

"I agree. We'll find the money someplace."

"We'd better find the money first or we'll have to answerto the congregation in the church, in the supermarket, and"-Matthew winkedat Harry-"in the post office."

Harry, the postmistress, sheepishly smiled. "And you knowmy partner in crime, Miranda, is a member of the Church of the Holy Light, soshe won't bail me out."

The little gathering laughed. Miranda Hogendobber, who was agood thirty years older than Harry, quoted Scriptures with more ease than theReverend Jones and while she tolerated other faiths she felt the charismaticchurch to which she belonged truly had the best path to Jesus.