Jaroslav Hasek - The Good Soldier Svejk

THE GOOD SOLDIER:

SCHWEIK

JAROSLAV HASEK

Translated by PAUL SELVER

Illustrated by JOSEPH LADA

Copyright 1930 by Doubleday & Co., Inc.

Republished 1962 by arrangement

AUTHOR'S PREFACE

A great epoch calls for great men. There are modest unrecognized heroes, without Napoleon's glory or his record of achievements. An analysis of their characters would overshadow even the glory of Alexander the Great. To-day, in the streets of Prague, you can come across a man who himself does not realise what his significance is in the history of the great new epoch. Modestly he goes his way, troubling nobody, nor is he himself troubled by journalists applying to him for an interview. If you were to ask him his name, he would answer in a simple and modest tone of voice: "I am Schweik."

And this quiet, unassuming, shabbily dressed man is actually the good old soldier Schweik; that heroic, dauntless man who was the talk of all citizens in the Kingdom of Bohemia when they were under Austrian rule, and whose glory will not pass away even now that we have a republic.

I am very fond of the good soldier Schweik, and in presenting an account of his adventures during the World War, I am convinced that you will all sympathize with this modest, unrecognised hero. He did not set fire to the temple of the goddess at Ephesus, like that fool of a Herostrate, merely in order to get his name into the newspapers and the school reading books.

And that, in itself, is enough.

CONTENTS BOOK I

CHAPTER I

Schweik, the Good Soldier, Intervenes in the Great War Page 3

CHAPTER II

Schweik at the Police Headquarters Page 13

chapter m Schweik before the Medical Authorities Page 22

CHAPTER IV

Schweik Is Ejected from the Lunatic Asylum Page 29

CHAPTER V Schweik at the Commissariat of Police Page 34

CHAPTER VI

Schweik Home Again after Having Broken the Vicious Circle Page 42

CHAPTER VII Schweik Joins the Army Page 53

CHAPTER VIII Schweik as a Malingerer Page 60

CHAPTER IX Schweik at the Detention Barracks Page 77

CHAPTER X Schweik Becomes the Chaplain's Orderly Page 94

CHAPTER XI

Schweik Accompanies the Chaplain to the Celebration of Mass

Page 116

CHAPTER XII Religious Debate Page 126

CHAPTER XIII

Schweik Administers Extreme Unction Page 132

CHAPTER XIV Schweik Becomes Batman to Lieutenant Lukash Page 147

CHAPTER XV The Catastrophe Page 183

BOOK II

CHAPTER I

Schweik's Misadventures on the Train Page 197

CHAPTER II Schweik's Anabasis Page 213

CHAPTER III Schweik's Adventures at Kiraly-Hida Page 257

CHAPTER IV Fresh Tribulations Page 388

CHAPTER V From Bruck-on-the-Leitha to Sokal Page 304

BOOK III

CHAPTER I Across Hungary Page 341

CHAPTER r II At Budapest Page 368

CHAPTER III From Hatvan to the Frontiers of Galicia Page 386

CHAPTER iv Quick March Page 416

BOOK I

Schweik, the Good Soldier, Intervenes in the Great War.

"So they've killed Ferdinand," said the charwoman to Mr. Schweik who, having left the army many years before, when a military medical board had declared him to be chronically feebleminded, earned a livelihood by the sale of dogsrepulsive mongrel monstrosities for whom he forged pedigrees. Apart from this occupation, he was afflicted with rheumatism, and was just rubbing his knees with embrocation.

"Which Ferdinand, Mrs. Muller?" asked Schweik, continuing to massage his knees. "I know two Ferdinands. One of them does jobs for Prusa the chemist, and one day he drank a bottle of hair

oil by mistake ; and then there's Ferdinand Kokoska who goes round collecting manure. They wouldn't be any great loss, either of 'em."

"No, it's the Archduke Ferdinand, the one from Konopiste, you know, Mr. Schweik, the fat, pious one."

"Good Lord !" exclaimed Schweik, "that's a fine thing. And where did this happen?"

"They shot him at Sarajevo with a revolver, you know. He was riding there with his Archduchess in a motor car."

"Just fancy that now, Mrs. Muller, in a motor car. Ah, a gentleman like him can afford it and he never thinks how a ride in a motor car like that can end up badly. And at Sarajevo in the bargain, that's in Bosnia, Mrs. Muller. I expect the Turks did it. I reckon we never ought to have taken Bosnia and Herzegovina away from them. And there you are, Mrs. Muller. Now the Archduke's in a better land. Did he suffer long?"

"The Archduke was done for on the spot. You know, people didn't ought to mess about with revolvers. They're dangerous things, that they are. Not long ago there was another gentleman down our way larking about with a revolver and he shot a whole family as well as the house porter, who went to see who was shooting on the third floor."

"There's some revolvers, Mrs. Muller, that won't go off, even if you tried till you was dotty. There's lots like that. But they're sure to have bought something better than that for the Archduke, and I wouldn't mind betting, Mrs. Muller, that the man who did it put on his best clothes for the job. You know, it wants a bit of doing to shoot an archduke ; it's not like when a poacher shoots a gamekeeper. You have to find out how to get at him ; you can't reach an important man like that if you're dressed just anyhow. You have to wear a top hat or else the police'd run you in before you knew where you were."

"I hear there was a whole lot of 'em, Mr. Schweik."

"Why, of course, there was, Mrs. Muller," said Schweik, now concluding the massage of his knees. "If you wanted to kill an archduke or the Emperor, for instance, you'd naturally talk it over with somebody. Two heads are better than one. One gives one bit of advice, another gives another, and so the good work

prospers, as the hymn says. The chief thing is to keep on the watch till the gentleman you're after rides past.... But there's plenty more of them waiting their turn for it. You mark my words, Mrs. Muller, they'll get the Czar and Czarina yet, and maybe, though let's hope not, the Emperor himself, now that they've started with his uncle. The old chap's got a lot of enemies. More than Ferdinand had. A little while ago a gentleman in the saloon bar was saying that there'd come a time when all the emperors would get done in one after another, and that not all their bigwigs and suchlike would save them. Then he couldn't pay for his drinks and the landlord had to have him run in. And he gave him a smack in the jaw and two to the policeman. After that they had to strap him down in the police ambulance, just to bring him to his senses. Yes, Mrs. Muller, there's queer goings-on nowadays ; that there is. That's another loss to Austria. When I was in the army there was a private who shot a captain. He loaded his rifle and went into the orderly room. They told him to clear out, but he kept on saying that he must speak to the captain. Well the captain came along and gave him a dose of C.B. Then he took his rifle and scored a fair bull's eye. The bullet went right through the captain and when it came out the other side, it did some damage in the orderly room, in the bargain. It smashed a bottle of ink and the ink got spilled all over some regimental records."

"And what happened to the private?" asked Mrs. Muller after a while, when Schweik was getting dressed.