Del Derek - He Who Dares

CONTENTS

Jack the Lad, international playboy and award-winning entrepreneur (Trotters Independent Traders, employee of the year 19802003), Derek Del Boy Trotter knew from a young age that he was destined for greatness.

Quite a bit has been written about him since, not all of it positive, hardly any of it accurate. Now, with the aid of a dictionary and an intensive three and a half days research, the man himself has decided to set the record straight in He Who Dares, a no-holds-barred account of his struggle from rags-to-riches back-to-rags back-to-riches(ish).

Follow the highs and the lows, the birds and the deals, and the dreams and the schemes on the long and winding road to becoming a millionaire (and the very short and straight one back to being potless).

Youve heard of the Wolf of Wall Street, now meet the Pug of Peckham.

Born and raised on the mean streets of south London, Derek Trotter, aka Del Boy, is many things: a grade A graduate of the school of hard knocks; a man of taste, style and principle; a connoisseur of fine art, antiques, cocktails and curry; fluent in three languages; the owner of a 50 metre swimming certificate (not his though) and Peckhams favourite son (leaving Rio Ferdinand and the bald geezer from Masterchef a distant second and third).

From humble beginnings, Del spent his life struggling, along with his younger brother and business partner, Rodney (DIC), to beat the odds and achieve his dreams. Finally, in 1996, Dels luck changed when an antique watch in his garage that for fifteen years he had mistaken for a Victorian egg-timer turned out to be worth millions.

Despite losing it all five short years later in a stock market crash, his entrepreneurial acumen and joie de vivre spirit have remained strong. He lives with his significant other, Raquel, in Peckham, and is the proud father of Damien. When he isnt dreaming up ground-breaking, industry revolutionising ideas, Del can often be found propping up the bar at his local, The Nags Head public house, Peckham. This is his first bookand about bleedin time too!

*Diplomacy In Computerisation

For Mum

The following is a recreation of events and conversations as I remember them. In order to protect the privacy of certain individuals some of the names and other pieces of identifying information were changed but then it got confusing so I thought, Sod it and put it all back the way it was.

It was with great pride, surprise and terror that I was asked to write this, the foreword to the autobiography of my older brother Derek Del Boy Trotter. I thought long and hard about what I should and shouldnt say, and how I should and shouldnt say it. I phoned Del Boy and asked for his advice, and he told me to stop being a tart and just write the bloody thing. Finally, after consulting with my wife, Cassandra, and a qualified solicitor, I decided to go with a cautiously honest approach. So here goes.

I have known Del my entire life and I can say without any doubt whatsoever that he is, and always has been, a very unique person. As anyone who has ever met Del will confirm, it is impossible to do so without being deeply and indelibly affected in one way or another.

My earliest memories of Del are of him standing in front of a mirror (up until I was four I thought he was twins), and growing up he wasnt just a brother but also a father figure and hero to me on occasions.

In business Del has always tried his utmost, and with mixed results I dont want to say too much about this particular area, only that I think its important to remember that none of us are perfect. Its probably also worth keeping in mind that, while Del does have many talents, the English language (or any other) isnt one of them up until very recently he thought a semicolon was what Elvis died of.

Del and I havent always seen eye to eye, and we are different in many ways (height, build, hair colour, hobbies, interests, artistic taste, business and fashion sense, temperament, and general worldview), but in another sense we are very similar. We share the same surname. We both like curry. I cant think of anything else right now, but Im sure theres loads.

Needless to say, him having been such a strong guiding force in my life, I learned a lot of invaluable lessons from Del over the years, albeit mostly from his mistakes.

Finally, whatever anyone thinks about him, it cant be said that he isnt loyal or that he doesnt defend those he cares about to the hilt. His heart has always been in the right place, and while the jury may still be out on his brain, I love him and am most of the time proud to call him my brother.

Rodney Trotter
April 2015

Rodney Trotter has not viewed any of the material contained herein and so does not and cannot verify or endorse said material nor be held responsible for its publication nor accountable for any legal actions that may or may not arise as a result.

When the bird at Ebury Publishing got in touch and asked me if Id ever considered writing my life story, I had to be honest and say yes, I have, many, many times. Its just, what with my having always been a man of action rather than words, Id never found the time to sit down and make a really good go of it. But now that Im semi-retired and enjoying my days of hard-earned rest sitting around staring at the carpet, I thought: Yeah, why not? After all Ive lived a rich and eventful life, why not share that with the world for a decent cut of the profits. Lucy (I think that was her name, it was a while back now) was well pleased and couldnt thank me enough (but then I had laid on a bit of the old apres moi, la deluge, which in my experience is enough to soften up the toughest of birds), but I told her shed have to discuss the matter with my financial advisor, and brother, Rodney, before I churned any words out. So I gave her his number and said bonjour for now (never make yourself look too keen). Rodney rang me five minutes later so they must have had a pretty in-depth chat and if Lucy had sounded excited, he sounded like he was having kittens! At first hed thought it was his mate Mickey Pearce winding him up (Lucy does have an unnaturally deep voice for a bird).

Rodney then tried his best to put me off the idea (hes always doing that) but it was too late, Id already found a Bic down the side of the armchair and was hunting about for a piece of paper. I didnt fully realise it at the time, but Id been struck by the author bug. And from that day to this Ive done pretty much nothing else but write: poems (well, limericks), short stories, longer stories, shopping lists, betting slips, I dont care, I just have this deep, burning need to express myself. And the really great thing, now that Im not as lively on my feet as I used to be, is that I can do it all sitting on my arse.

When I told people I was writing a book some of em laughed. Fair enough I suppose, most people think Rodneys the main booklover in the family (even though most of the material he ever read came in plain brown envelopes), but the truth is that I actually own a lot of books, double figures at least, and Ive read and enjoyed a few of em. Classics too. A few years back I started reading that