Bryant Reil [Reil - Elf Mastery

Goblins are happiest when they're miserable.

Grizzlesnout's suit was drenched and thehorses' hooves flung flecks of mud onto his white shirt. The stagecoach rattledover the pothole-riddled road and the driver's seat chafed his sorebuttocks. The sun, now free from the veil of rain clouds, warmed thehumid air as horseflies came in search of flesh. Horseflies and humidity madehim miserable. He smiled. It was a good day.

Goblins are happiest when they'remiserable, but they have a threshold. Grizzlesnout's threshold was hiscurrent passenger, a young elf woman headed for Equinox. She had spent theentire trip talking to other passengers, which was annoying but at least shewasn't talking to him. Fate was not on his side, however. To hissurprise, as well as chagrin, the last of the others had gotten off earlierthat morning in Elk's Crossway. It was unusual he didn't have more riders toEquinox. The elf girl had fallen asleep during the rain, which bought a briefrespite, but now he could hear her moving inside the coach. He worried shemight decide to join him in the driver's seat. Perhaps, if he were still andsilent, she wouldn't pay him any mind.

His heart thumped as he heard the clackof the window latch. He kept his head down and eyes forward. Maybe she justwanted to enjoy the view. The thought of enduring her spirited chatter made himmiserable.

Goblins are happiest when they'remiserable, but too much misery can make even a goblin sick, as sure as eatingtoo much chocolate cake. Grizzlesnout wasn't usually religious but now pleadedto any deity that might listen that she not decide to involve him in her banallife.

Sure enough she couldnt let him be. Shecrawled out of the coach and sat next to him. She was short, for an elf, yetstill sat a few inches higher than himself. Her brown hair was cut short, whichwas unusual for her kind. It was now matted and stuck out like spines on ahedgehog. He tried to think of a believable reason to send her back inside, butthough his mind was usually sharp and quick, everyone has an off day. Hesighed.

Hi! Im Kyla. She yawned and stretchedher arms. I'm the only one left. I can't believe everyone else got offalready! At least I get a chance to talk to you now, huh?

How fortunate. It was hard to soundsincere through gritted teeth but Grizzlesnout tried his best. He was, afterall, a professional.

So what's your name? I don't rememberif you told me when I got on.

He hadn't. The old goblin hatedintroducing himself to elves. They found his name humorous. He tried to ignoreher but she wouldnt stop looking at him. He suspected she would stare at himuntil he either told her or died. He prayed for the latter, and that it wouldcome quickly.

Grizzlesnout, he finally confessed.Sure enough, she laughed. He had thought of changing his name for this reason,but no respectable goblin name would fare better in the small minds of elves.

Goblins have funny names! Dont worry.My brothers name is Bitternut. We just call him Bit, though. I got lucky withmy name. Are we almost there?

He tensed. The girl wouldn't shut up,and there didn't seem to be much he could do about it. About an hour. Whydont you get your bags together so youll be ready when we arrive?

She grinned. Im already ready. Yourejust trying to get rid of me!

So she wasnt clueless. Merelyinconsiderate. This warmed him up to her a little. But not much.

Did you go to Equinox? she asked.

Once a week for the last fifty years.He sighed. This was not how he had imagined his life when he was her age.

Oh! Yeah. I mean as a student.

Dont need to go to college to do thisjob.

Oh! Do you think I could do this job?

Do you know much about driving horses?

She looked the two horses over andpulled a carrot out of her lunch bag. Grizzlesnout hoped eating would keep her quiet.Unfortunately, she continued with her mouth full. This is the first time Iveseen a horse. Do you ever ride on them, or do you always sit behind?I've seen bears. They're big enough to ride but I doubt they'd let you. Iimagine you'd only get one try. Do you ever use bears to pull the coach?

He didnt catch that last question, ashe was fantasizing about having a heart attack, but gathered the gist was no,she didn't know a thing about driving horses. You need to know about horses todrive horses. Maybe, in your case, you would need a degree.

You can get a degree in horses?

He sighed. I dont know, but there isone more important thing you need to do my job.

Oh? She crunched on another carrot.

He slumped in his seat and stared ahead.Patience.

***

By the time the gates of Equinox came to view, Grizzlesnoutknew more about Kyla than he knew about his own wife. He knew her father was ashoemaker, as she had shoved a home-made sandal in his face to show off thestitching. He knew she collected rocks, and had brought a bag of ratherunremarkable ones, each of which was accompanied by a tedious story. He knewher favorite foods, favorite holiday, and family history. He might as well havegrown up in her village of Aspengrove, as she had described all her neighborsin distressing detail. The one thing she never told him was why in Heaven andEarth she felt the need to share it.

He sighed in relief as he reined thehorses to a stop in front of the Equinox Gate. It was borne by large goldenstatues of King Oberon and Queen Titania. Their outstretched arms, joined atthe hands, served to support the gates which were now open over the walkway.The walkway was made up of flagstones carved with the names and crests of pastDirectors and important officials who had attended the school. The oddity wasthat Equinox did not have a wall so the gate seemed unnecessary. Grizzlesnoutsupposed there was some metaphorical meaning or other such nonsense.

As soon as the coach stopped Kylacheered, slid through the window of the stagecoach and opened the door from theinside. He watched as she struggled with her belongings. It was part of his jobto help her, but she had gone and packed her bags full of rocks and he wasinclined to let her deal with her own foolishness. Also, watching her grunt andstrain was amusing.

She finally got her luggage out of thecoach and started dragging them along the grass. Grizzlesnout coughed andextended his hand. She looked at him a moment, confused, before the lightturned on in her eyes.

Oh! Right! She let go of her bags andfished through her pockets as she walked up to the carriage. She plopped abundle of leaves and mushrooms into his hand. Grizzlesnout sighed. Sage,peppermint, and a mix of other herbs the elves found useful. Only the mushroomshad any value. Elves were adept at finding morels, which usually fetched a goodprice. He stuffed them into his purse. Few exchanges dealt in elf currency sohe usually sold it at the market. It was well out of his way, and a miserable ordealwhich he rather enjoyed. He tipped his hat and managed a weak smile beforereining his horses back into action. He pulled away from the gates sittingtaller, and a smile broke across his face as a horsefly found purchase on hischeek.

***

Kyla had been to Equinox once before, when she came with herfather to explore the campus. The buildings jutted from the ground like greatsquare hills on the landscape. She preferred the elegant way the homes back inAspengrove blended into the trees, but knew enough about the world tounderstand this blocky architecture was common. She had to admit the carvedfacades had a certain appeal, and a few of the structures had vines crawling upthe walls. It wasn't natural, but it was different, which was a good part of theexcitement.