Angela Hart - The Girl With Two Lives

Contents

They couldnt cope with her a day longer

The first thing I saw when I opened the front door was a large cage containing a scampering hamster.

Oh! I exclaimed. I wasnt expecting that!

A short, stout girl with a shiny forehead and an untidy cap of black hair was staring at me warily from behind the cage. I could only see the top part of her wide face but it was clear from her expression she wasnt happy, and she certainly wasnt smiling.

Well I never! I grinned, trying to break the ice. I dont know who to say hello to first!

I looked from the girl to the hamster, and then to the female social worker who was standing behind them. The social worker gave me a friendly smile and said hello but the girl continued to stare at me suspiciously. The hamster stopped scampering for a moment and pressed its twitching nose up to the bars of the cage to have a long, hard look at me. Its eyes were very dark and marble-like small versions of the girls, in fact and for a moment I felt rather intimidated at having two sets of watchful eyes trained on me like this.

I took a breath and reminded myself of one of the many truths I had learned about fostering over the years: however you feel as a foster carer, it is always much more difficult for the child than it is for you, especially at the very start of a placement.

Come on in, Danielle. What is your hamsters name?

Danielle didnt reply and didnt move and her social worker, Susan, helpfully offered the name Scooter.

What a great name! I said. I like that. Weve been looking forward to you arriving, Danielle, and its very nice to meet you and Scooter, and you, Susan. Can I help carry the cage?

Danielle shook her head very slightly. She seemed a bit confused, which is often the case when a child arrives at our door.

Its OK. I like having pets around the house. Do come on in!

Encouraged by Susan, Danielle slowly stepped into the house, wrapping her arms even more tightly around the cage as she did so. Now I could see that she was not just stout; Danielle was extremely large for a twelve-year-old girl, and she caught her elbows on the doorframe as she bundled herself and Scooter into the hallway. I led the way through to the kitchen, where Danielle looked shiftily around the room before tentatively placing the cage on one end of the table. When I invited her to sit down she perched herself awkwardly on the chair closest to the cage, crossing her arms in front of her and hunching her shoulders forward, as if to hide as much of her body as she could.

I didnt know very much at all about Danielle at this stage. As well as being passed by Social Services to take in foster children of all ages, my husband, Jonathan, and I are specially trained to look after teenagers with problems that make it difficult for them to live with mainstream foster carers. We had many years of experience and had encountered all sorts of specialist needs over the years, but of course each child brought a unique set of issues. We didnt know what Danielle had difficulties with yet, but this was not unusual. Nor was it out of the ordinary for us to be asked to take in a child with specialist needs who was not yet a teenager: it was, and still is, a case of getting children who are in care into the best possible foster home available at the time, as quickly as possible.

Id received an initial phone call from our support social worker, Nelson, earlier that week, asking if we could potentially take Danielle in for a short period of respite care.

Her foster family is struggling and need a break, he had said. Ill get more details as soon as I can. Would you be willing to have her stay this weekend, Friday through to Sunday night?

Thats fine, I said after quickly checking with Jonathan. Well be happy to have her.

We had been fostering for twenty years at that time. Despite only being asked to take Danielle in for the weekend, Jonathan and I were well aware that respite care could extend beyond the short period Social Services hoped it would cover. We were very used to that and didnt mind the uncertainty, and that is still the case today.

On many occasions weve taken in a child for one weekend and they have subsequently come to us for respite care every weekend for many months or even longer, and some have ended up moving in full-time.

Our previous placement a child of sixteen who had been with us as a stepping stone for a few weeks whilst awaiting a flat of her own had moved out just days earlier. It was highly unusual for us to have no children at all under our roof, and, before Nelson called, Jonathan and I had been toying with the idea of going away for a few days.

There goes our mini-break! Jonathan had grinned after Nelsons call.

I didnt even have to ask if Jonathan was being serious, because he and I very rarely refuse to take in a child. We only ever say no if we feel we genuinely cant help, or if we dont think the child will fit in with those already in placement. Once, a child came for an introductory visit while we already had two other children living with us. The atmosphere was very tense in the house for the whole time she was staying, and we decided it would not be beneficial to the others to agree to have her move in permanently. Our instincts proved to be right: when she left, the other kids breathed a sigh of relief and told us that the girl had been spitting on them and bullying them behind our backs.

In all the years weve been fostering we have never had a holiday away on our own together, but this has not bothered us. The weekend breaks, caravan trips and holidays abroad we often have with the children are always really good fun well, nearly always! And we also have our flower shop to consider. Weve been running the family business throughout all the time weve been fostering, ever since we took it over from my mum in the eighties. The shop is attached to our town house and is in a parade on the fringes of the town, which is very convenient. Our assistant and friend Barbara has been with us for a long time and is very flexible and willing to do overtime whenever we need cover. To this day she is forever telling us shell hold the fort if the two of us ever need to get away for an extra break on our own, but the truth is we rarely have the opportunity and we still find it impossible to say no when we know a child needs a home.

Therell be plenty of chances for weekend breaks in the future, I had said after Nelson called, and Jonathan gave me a knowing smile and said he couldnt agree more.

Even after two decades of non-stop fostering, and with both of us in our fifties, we still felt a familiar, positive wave of anticipation whenever a new placement was discussed. We thrived on the challenge of taking in another child, whatever problems they may have, just as we still do today.

By the time Nelson called again a couple of days later it was mid-morning on a weekday and Danielle was now on the emergency list, as her placement had broken down.

Shes on her way to the office with her social worker, Susan, and all of her belongings, Nelson had explained. She was excluded from school yesterday and her foster carers or should I say former foster carers said they couldnt cope with her a day longer. The fact we were in the process of arranging respite care didnt help. They had had enough, unfortunately. Now Danielle needs an emergency placement.

Social Services generally try to avoid taking a child to an office like this, but sadly it happens from time to time, when there is really no other option. Jonathan and I agreed that Danielle could come to us within the hour. The fact Nelson had said that Danielles former foster carers had had enough was concerning, but certainly did not put us off in any way. The very idea that a child of twelve was without a place to call home was very upsetting, and we both wanted to help as much as we possibly could.