Elizabeth Wagele - The Enneagram of Death: Helpful insights by the 9 types of people on grief, fear, and dying.

The Enneagram of Death

The Enneagram of Death

Helpful insights by nine types of people

on grief, fear and dying

Elizabeth Wagele

Copyright 2012 by Elizabeth Wagele

All rights reserved

ISBN 13: 978-1530712038

ISBM: 10: 1530712033

First Edition

Cover Design: Laura Waters

Book Design: CJ Fitzsimons

Carol Leavenworths story Going down to visit the crocodile is reprinted by permission of Inside Aging Parent Care blog (edited):
http://www.desperatecaregivers.com/

Dahs poem is reprinted by permission of the author. It was first published on Page 12 In Forbidden Language, Stillpoint Publishing, Spokane WA 2010

She laughed in the concentration camp is based on Elizabeth Wageles November 2010 Psychology Today blog, The Career Within You.

Assisted Death in Chapter 5 is based on E. Wageles review in the Enneagram Educator, 1997, of Un Coeur en Hiver, directed by Claude Sautet.

Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders and to obtain their permission for the use of copyright material. The publisher apologizes for any errors or omissions and would be grateful for any correction that should be incorporated in future editions of this book.

Secrets of the Estate

By Tom Clark

Death may be the side of lifes mansion

Thats always been turned away from us

But that hasnt kept us, now and then,

From sneaking around to the other side

Where tall weeds grow over the broken statues,

And peeking in the windows.

From Paradise Resisted, selected poems 1978-1984

Black Sparrow Press, Santa Barbara 1984

The fundamental fact about all of us is that were alive for a while but will die before long. This fact is the real root cause of all our anger and pain and despair.

And you can either run from this fact or, by way of love, you can embrace it.

From Jonathan Franzen, Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts May 28, 2011, New York Times

Contents

Katy Taylor

Jan Conlon

Knute Fisher

Elizabeth Wagele

Santikaro

James Campbell

Russell Burck

Dr. Elayne Savage

Elli Boray

Elizabeth Wagele

as told to Elizabeth Wagele

Elizabeth Wagele

Darlene Yarnelle

Tom Alexander

Manny Glaser

Hope Hosier

Connie Frecker

Lee Estridge

Jeanne St. John

Pat Helin

Morgan Silas

Carol Leavenworth

Susanne Arcand-Gawreluk

Elizabeth Wagele

Rock Ross

Janet Hartzell

Courtney Behm

Dr. James Campbell

Jayne Johnson

Charlotte Melleno

Jaki Girdner and Joan Degiorgio.

Dave Scherman

David Brooks

Tom L. Clark

Elizabeth Wagele

Elizabeth Wagele

Elizabeth Wagele

Michele Harrison

Dave Hall

Shelley Berman

Georgia Bailey

Mario Sikora

Marilyn Margulius

Samantha Mercer

Tom Purcell

Kathy Heuser

Kathy Heuser

Catherine Williams

John Stabb

Jaki Girdner

Poem by Dah

Elizabeth Wagele

Pat Helin

Valentine Illidge

Harriet Berman Glaser

Vicki Zenoff

Helen Clarkson

Mario Sikora

Jan Conlon

Pat Helin

Judy Meyer

Elizabeth Wagele

Tom Rosin

Elizabeth Wagele

Jaki Girdner

Mary Bast

Tom Purcell

Tom Rosin

Dr. Jim Campbell

Elizabeth Wagele

Tom Rosin

James Campbell

Jill Fanning

Bertha Reilly

Joyce Dowling

Preface

The purpose of this book is to soothe and inspire anyone who is dying or close to someone who is dying, or grieving, or afraid of death.

The key to becoming less frightened of death is to let yourself feel deeply. While its practical at times for some feelings to remain unexpressed, more often than necessary they remain hidden in the unconscious. One tool for enhancing your awareness of these repressed feelings is a system of personality built around nine types of people, the Enneagram. Each chapter of The Enneagram of Death features stories, poems, and essays I have chosen and lightly edited about one of these Enneagram types.

Many of us are afraid of our own demise and the loss of loved ones, though some of us may not realize it because we avoid thinking about the end of life. But neither fear nor avoidance changes deaths reality. A third relationship to death, however, exemplified in many of the contributions in this book, is to engage with it to the extent we overcome the fear. Then a precious new beginning is possible and we can release the energy previously held back by fear.

Why are these stories organized around the Enneagram personality system and not another, for example the respected MBTITM (Myers Briggs Typology Inventory)? Because these nine personalities are archetypes and they are immediately accessible to our emotions. Were all familiar with characters such as the powerful Asserter, the skeptical Questioner, and the ever-harmonizing Helper.

Youll distinguish how people with characteristics similar to and different from yours cope with their fear of death, the prospect of their own death, the shock of a loved ones death, end-of-life care giving situations, near death experiences, and more. Youll see how some other cultures deal with death. Youll especially resonate with your own type. The Enneagram of Death is an individualized way of looking at death and dying. Stories of types different from yours will offer you new perspectives.

Experiencing these stories offers an opportunity to uncover some of your previously unacknowledged cache of feelings; you can use the passion stored there to power the process of liberation. When you lose fear, life, vitality, and joy rush in to fill the gap.

The stories in this book may awaken your own unknown. I hope these stories and the Enneagram system will provide you with tools, models, soothing, and inspiration for what you are dealing with.

From defenses to authenticity

Its possible you unknowingly delay, camouflage, or deny your deepest feelings when consumed by fear of death or shocked by grief. These defenses are often necessary, yet sometimes they signify trouble. Some signs you may be resisting your true feelings are:

spacing out (taking drugs, excessive drinking, eating, TV, etc., so as to not feel anything),

restlessness of the mind (distracting oneself by excessive worrying, fretting, pessimism, or inner torment), and

excessive doing (keeping busy to avoid pain).

Some of these stories may open your heart and inspire you directly, while others may give you the door to your emotional center by showing how your defenses operate. You learn from those who didnt conquer their fear as well as from those who did.

When you become aware of your defense mechanisms (see the , below), you can change direction by centering yourself and making room for your true feelings to flower. Authentic feelings take time to emerge out of the murkiness, symbolized by the lotus rising out of the mud.

More about the Nine Personalities

The Enneagram personality system can increase your ability to observe yourself. It can also teach you to identify defenses you use along with strengths and strategies to keep your balance. Please read the sections