Mortellus - Do I Have to Wear Black?: Rituals, Customs & Funerary Etiquette for Modern Pagans

The author and publisher of this work assume no liability for any injury or harm experienced surrounding the reading of this work. Nothing here is intended to replace the guidance of your local laws or the guidance of medical professionals, as the author does not claim to offer medical or legal advice herein. Please be advised that use of materials such as essential oils, herbs, grave dirt, cremated human remains, animal remains, blood, bones, and so on should be approached cautiously, ethically, and at your own risk. Further, laws and regulations surrounding death, burial, and possession of human and animal remains change frequently, and its important to consult current and local guidance on any matters.

Alan Moore once said, To me, all creativity is magic. Ideas start out in the empty void of your headand they end up as a material thing, like a book you can hold in your hand. That is the magical process. Its an alchemical thing. Yes, we do get the gold out of it but thats not the most important thing. Its the work itself. The creative magic that I choose to make here is a love letter, and not just to the topic about which I write, but to the innumerable people who helped me make it all a reality. This, for me, has been a lifetime spent alongside death. Sometimes running from it, and far more often, running to it. Im just so grateful to all of you who were there to listen to and tolerate me when I gave impassioned speeches about death, when I went on benders of personal end of life planning, and especially those of you who were willing to get angry with me about it all. So many of you wrote this book in a million conversations in a million ways and I wish I could fit all your names on the cover.

To Joseph. How could this not be for you? Thank you for your love, but above all else, for your friendship. For math classes and half eaten bagels. For concerts and blanket forts. For our beautiful children. Thank you so goddamn much for loving me, no matter who I needed to beI hope you keep falling in love with all the people I become in my lifetime.

To my children. Rhiannon, my beautiful firstborn, thank you for being there beside me always even when its hard. Im proud of the person you are growing up to be. You seem to always question how you fit into my world, but dont. Never try and wear my shoes. Go chase your own rainbows and live a life of beauty and adventure. Ill be here with a cup of hot tea when you need it. To my Sorin and Luna, my twins, my sun and moon, I love you so much, and you made the writing of this book so very hard. Many of these words were written with you sitting on my lap, crying, reaching, slapping the keyboard, and giggling. Vana, I want you to know that wherever life may take you, when you need family, youll find it here.

To my Murder of Crows, the Coven of Leaves. Thank you for wearing the black with me, even when underneath you might have tiger stripes. Im so unbelievably touched that all of you stick by me time and time again. In the words of Henry Ward Beecher, If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows. Precious few indeed.

To my Gardnerian Family. Im so honored to be doing this big crazy magical thing with you. To Lady Epona and Gwynn. I dont know where, or even who, I would be now if I hadnt met your son. Truly the Gods are mysterious and have regarded me kindly; thank you for everything. To Cynthia and Angela, you two have been the best Craft siblings I could imagine; thank you so much for being my family, but most importantly, for all your sass. Traci and Ashley, your librarian superpowers saved me more than once as I worked on this projectthank you with all my heart for letting me borrow some of your mastery of resources to disguise my many insufficiencies.

To Star. Its still weird, but Im grateful for this demilitarized zone weve hashed out between Christianity and WiccaIm glad weve been able to make space in our lives for one another.

To my contributors. Thank you for being a part of this book and its message; I couldnt have done this without you; death is a story that belongs to all of us. Lea, Im delighted that this project brought us together as friends, and Im grateful for all the work you put into representing the Heathen community. Shawna, thank you for being a forward-thinking badass. You were the best part of mortuary school; thank you for all that you did to help me succeed.

To the Church of Marxist Nihilism. You silly bunch of weirdos, thank you for giving me space to become my best self. Jude Law remains a scorpion fly.

Grandma. I wish I could have born pall for you, or delivered the eulogy that I wrote, and Im so sorry that they wouldnt let me. I write this book in hopes that nobody else ever again has to stand on the sidelines of the death of someone dear to them.

For the countless who have lost their lives as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. This book, a gift that Mortellus gives to Anubis, that they may give offerings to these dead.

Lastly, to the Morrigan. The Goddess in the darkness who reached out to a little girl, wounded and alone. If not for your strength, I would have died there next to that bottle of pills. Yours my body, yours my heart. May I be your sword for the broken. May I be worthy.

This love letter that I write, it is for all of you. I hope that it is enough.

Merry meet, merry partmerry meet again.

Mortellus

Two years ago, as Mystic South Conference (MSC) began to wrap up for the weekend, I stopped by the Asheville Raven and Crone table for some last-minute treats before hitting the road when a voice spoke up behind me: I really loved your book! This was my first visit to MSC since my first book, Blackthorns Botanical Magic, was published and the voice belonged to Mortellus. After an introduction to some of her friends and coveners, we were fast friends. We had so much in commona background in traditional Witchcraft, a soul for death work, and a desire to bring community together through teaching. Engaging with a community is hard work and can take a lot out of any Witch. She was fresh-faced and ready to take on the world.

Take on the world she has. Shes a mortician, an animist, a necromancer, and high priestex of a Gardnerian coven. Whew! Im tired just thinking about all the varied hats she wears on a daily basis. Shes focused her considerable talents toward the field so neglected by mainstream and Pagan books: understanding the funerary rites of the alternative religious communities. As a funeral professional, she understands what is needed as a member of the clergy, but also how to speak the lingo when dealing with members of the funeral industry. I hope that this book finds its way to Pagan clergy, but also Christian clergy, deathcare professionals, chaplains of hospitals, the military, and so many more. Myself, Im just going to buy a case of the book and wander from hospital to hospital while saying, You get a book, and you get a book, and you get a book! Our beloved founders of modern Witchcraft traditions are aging, just as our parents and loved ones are. Its about time we had a book that not only explains the mechanics of death and the funeral industry, but allows us the agency to plan our own life celebrations so we need not worry that the default Christian ceremony is provided and our wishes and the final wishes of our family are honored. Ive been to my fair share of funerals for Witches who were either closeted (there are ceremonies for this!) or solitary practitioners. When the funeral director gives condolences from a Christian standpoint, it can be painful to hear. Mortellus speaks kindly and frankly about things that could be heard around the service and respected funeral customs for individual traditions, and gives the funeral industry a firm, loving hand in guiding them away from language that can be harmful to the grieving. As a member of the clergy, I wish I had had this book fifteen years ago for my own use running memorials and funerals for Wiccans and Pagans from my own community.