Nicole Zoltack - A Measure of Gloom

To those who think magic and faith dont have to be mutually exclusive.

My life is unbelievable, and not necessarily in a good way.

For so long, my faith had been my cornerstone, my rock. I thought God answered all of my prayers. Turns out, I was answering most of them myself. I was magic incarnate.

Being magic incarnate was amazing and powerful. I never fully mastered my powers, and my emotions got the better of me. A massive storm I created and couldnt control wouldve destroyed the world.

I dismantled it by killing myself.

God gave me a second chance at life as a human with a strange connection to life and to death. Because a witch-hunting dog was sacrificed to bring me back, I could turn into a monster beast type thing.

The witch who died so I could be born tried to cross back over to the land of the living and marked my boyfriend Vince and my best friend Bri, wanting to trade their souls for hers and her fathers.

I stopped her. My friends, though, remained marked, and a portal to Hell opened near my hometown, releasing several demons.

Gavin, a close friend and a witch, and I did everything we could think of to rid them of their marks and to rid Claymore of the demons. We failed.

I did kill demons but not all of them. A demon possessed Bri, but she managed to save her sister Julie by dying in her stead.

Another demon sent Vince and Gavin through the portal to Hell. I killed the demon, reopened the portal, and jumped through.

Hell was, well, Hell. A demons chilling premonition didnt help. Everything is predestined. You and Gavin will usher in a new age of darkness, the likes of which the world has never seen before.

On earth or trapped in Hell, again I failed. Even though I tapped into the power of Hell, Vince ended up dying. I cant believe hes gone.

But Gavin used his sacrifice. Im magic reincarnate now. And were back on earth. Weve escaped Hell. Or maybe they allowed us to escape. That whole age of darkness thing.

Somehow, Ive got to find a way past my grief and despair. Ive got to embrace my magic. Ive got to keep my emotions under control.

Or else Claymore will never be free from demons and monsters.

Including me.

S moke. Flames. Disorder. Mayhem. Destruction.

Orange and red streaks slash against the dark sky, the plume from the fire blotting out the few stars daring to try and shine down on Claymore. My hometown.

Strange, though. Claymore doesnt feel like home.

So Hell had been?

No. More like I dont belong anywhere.

Sirens wail in the near distance, and I can even hear cries for help although were outside the town limitsGavin Venator and me.

At one time, our band had been fourmy best friend Brianna Stoker, my boyfriend Vince Fuller, Gavin, and myself. Two humans marked for death, a witch who had been the son of a witch hunter I killed, and myself, a human with some strange magical powers, part human, part witch, part shaman.

Now, Bri and Vince are both dead. Gavins no longer a wannabe witchhe embraces his powers. And Im magic reincarnate. I should be able to snap my fingers, and the fire will die.

Or I can let the town burn. Let Claymore be destroyed and rise again from the ashes.

Detached. Thats how I feel, maybe all I can allow myself to feel. My emotions have to be stomped down, crushed, destroyed. I cant allow myself to remember the past, to remember whom Ive lost. All those lives

Banish. Block. Ignore. Wipe away.

Im not human. Emotions make you weak. Emotions make you lose control. Emotions make magic uncontrollable, and uncontrolled magic can destroy the world.

I should know. That almost happened once.

Gavin coughs, sputtering. Whats

Claymore is burning, I say calmly, oddly detached.

We have to put out the fire.

We will. But I make no move to fly there.

Lets go. The sense of urgency in his voice would compel a normal person into immediate action.

Yet I remain motionless. I know I should help. I should want to. But Im almost whats the word apathetic. Uncaring. Unbothered.

Not a good thing, or maybe it is. I cant tell.

Crystal, whats He sighs. I know its been We cant give up. No matter what. Gavin holds out his hand.

Despite the shadows, I can see him clearly, see his dark blue eyes, the stubble on his chin, his angular jawline, his sharp nose the soft lips Ive kissed Weve been through so much. Weve been through more than anyone should ever have to go through.

And weve survived.

But hes damaged, I can tell. Hes been trying to hide it for a long while now, but I can see the cracks in his armor. Hes bruised and battered, both on his skin and inwardly. After all, weve only just left Hell behind after an epic battle with condemned guardians and armored skeletons and hellhounds and demons. Its amazing we lived through it.

We didnt all live through it, though.

He shakes his hand slightly, as if he thinks I cant see it.

The two of us have held hands before. Weve embraced together, cried together. Before Vince asked me out, I was attracted to him, and maybe that attraction never went away completely. That demons think we will usher in an age of darkness, the likes of which the world has never seen before, should make up my mind for me. We should not spend time together. We arent good for the world. It doesnt matter if we might be able to heal each others wounds because magic reincarnate or not, Im scarred, too.

Despite my dating Vince, despite me accidently killing his witch hunter father when I couldnt control my Touch of the Dead, despite everything, Gavin has cared for me as more than a friend. If I take his hand now, when Vince is no longer a physical entity between us, what sign will that show him?

Im magic reincarnate. As magic incarnate, I entertained the notion that I might be able to make things work with Vince. I even promised myself I would have children someday! That will never happen. It would be better for me to not give him false hope.

The smoke rising above Claymore is like a smog, a massive cloud of gloom.

In a voice devoid of emotion and feeling, I utter, I will handle it.

With ease, I take to the air, but before I can get far, Gavin is beside me. His face is one of grim determination, and his hands are covered in water. Hes ready.

We cant be seen, he calls.

People seeing me, or him, should be the last our worries.

The tickle of magic inside of me longs to be unleashed, and moments before we cross into Claymore, I halt and blast the sky. A cloud forms, one I weave and master and make my slave. Gavin lends his water to it, enough to drench the cloud, and the rain falls heavily. I exhale a long magical breath, directing the sheets of droplets toward the most concentrated flames.

Gradually, the smoke changes color as the fire stops growing, sputters, and dies. I wouldve been able to recall the fire, to bring it into myself, and maybe I shouldve.