Columbus Short - Short Stories: The Autobiography of Columbus Short

Deep in thought

February 12, 2012 was the date, and Ill never forget it. 2/12/12. I wasnt an expert on numerology, but this was something that I just couldnt ignore. Somebody was trying to tell me something. It was episode 212 of Scandal that we were shooting that day. Ironically, 12 symbolizes Gods power and authority in the Bible, so I read this as God trying to take control of the shit pile my home life had become.

But let me back up a little.

My then-best friend wanted to come see me at work that day, and my then-wife her name isnt relevant so well call her that girl did too. They both had visitor passes set up for them, and just before we wrapped for lunch, the Assistant Director told me my wife was on set. Cool, Ill be done in about 30 minutes and Ill go to her. Id already told my boy Ronnie to let me know when my wife arrived, but for whatever reason, he doesnt tell me until 45 minutes later that shed just pulled up on the lot. I thought that was weird, but maybe he didnt see her earlier. Whatever, its not that serious.

I go to meet up with that girl and I see my best friend coming out of the parking garage, tucking his pants in and getting himself together. I hadnt really had enough time to formulate an actual thought about it, because no sooner than I saw him, I see the ADs approaching me. They hover around me and lead me away, as someone is telling them to put me in the office. I dont know who called them, I dont even know why they called them. I dont know why Im being escorted away. I literally just dont even have a thought in my head at this point, because Im more focused on why everyone is staring at me as the ADs are guiding me off the set. It felt like I was in high school again and I was being sent to the principals office. Close enough. As I enter the big office and the ADs close the door behind me, there sitting are Shonda Rhimes, one of the Scandal producers Merri Howard and one of the executive producers, Betsy Beers. Theyre looking at me so seriously, and I can hear my heart start beating in my ears.

Whats going on guys?

Shonda shook her head and looked me in the eyes.

Columbus, your life is a hot ass mess, she says in a tone of partial sympathy and full authority.

She wasnt lying. Id always been ashamed of my life, and though I wasnt necessarily hiding it, I never opened up to anyone on set, let alone the worldbecause if they knew the half, I felt like everyone would judge me. Now I was facing the jury.

At this point, I still dont actually know what Im about to be hit with. Im thinking that Shonda had somehow become privy to the issues my wife and I were going through at home, so I start to tell her that its okay and that my wife and I would get through it. I was a little off, though.

Your wife is fucking your best friend, Columbus! Wake up!

Thats exactly how she hit me with it straight, no chaser. You know how in cartoons when they get hit over the head and all of those stars appear as their eyes roll around? Thats exactly how I felt. The acme anvil had indeed crushed me into a pancake. Only it wasnt funny! The floor fell out from under me, I couldnt hear anything anymore, I couldnt think. All I remember is getting up as they were talking. Their voices were coming through like the adults on Charlie Brown, where you dont make out what theyre saying, just a bunch of wah wah wah sounds with no descript annunciation of anything. I cant hear them, but I can see my feet moving. I just started walking.

I walked out of the office, got on the elevator and continued off the lot across the street to a liquor store. And I just didnt stop. I kept going down Sunset toward the 101 in my $3500 John Paul Smith suit and my Gucci tie, and I had no plans to look back.

Darby Stanchfield and I

As I approached the freeway, a white van pulled up alongside me. When the sliding door opened, I saw Kerry Washington, Darby Stanchfield and Katie Lowes all looking at me with tears in their eyes, telling me to get in the car. To see those faces and hear them tell me that and knowing all that was going on, it was so much. And you know, you can tell someone to get in the car, but if theyre not ready to get in the car if theyre not ready to break these curses out here, theres nothing you can do at that point.

That day was truly one of the worst days of my life. That feeling, that pit inside my stomachits a feeling I cant ever forget. And here I am dealing with this and I wasnt even on drugs at the moment. I was the moral leader for my team and I dropped the ball still, because I couldnt let this toxic relationship go. I was more comfortable in toxicity than I could ever be with peace.

Peace made me uncomfortable. I liken it to a stray dog I met in Puerto Rico while filming. One of my co-stars ended up taking in the dog we found running around base camp, starved and homeless in the middle of the jungle.

That co-star took the dog home that night and got it a warm new doggy bed and placed it by the fireplace with a nice treat. But oddly, I was told, the dog grabbed the treat and ran outside on the patio and laid down in the pouring rain enjoying it with no care of the torrential downpour coming down on him. He was so used to being in the jungle with no bed, no fire, no cover. He felt at home in the storm! That dog was me!