Judith Bennett - Sex Signs

Sex Signs

Judith Bennett

Copyright 1980 by Judith Bennett

To Z

Without whose love, understanding,
encouragement and support this book
could not have been written.

And my patient children, Anina and Nicky,
who fill my life with joy, and from whom
I have learned a great deal.

And my good friend Gerald Born,
whose sage advice I cherish.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION TO REVISED EDITION

THE ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT for this book was a parting gift from Judith Bennett to her friends and the many women she counseled in therapy. Judith died suddenly and tragically when the plane that was taking her on a prepublication publicity trip exploded over O'Hare Airport in 1980. A group of close friends and colleagues gathered to finish the editing of Judith's notes, and assembled the portions of the manuscript in need of completion.

Sex Signs was originally published in the United States in 1980. Since that time, it has been published in Great Britain, Australia, and New Zealand, and has been translated for publication in France, Spain, Holland, Italy, Japan, and many countries in Latin America. Its record sales in the United States over the past two decades have prompted this revised edition.

Sex Signs is a book that celebrates women's personal and sexual freedom. The world of intimate relationships has expanded dramatically since 1980, however, to include health and safety issues unimaginable at the time this book was first published. While supporting the spirit of freedom and choice in women's sexuality, this revised edition addresses the issues of intimacy women face today.

The power of Judith Bennett's Sex Signs lives on in its clarity, insight, and intelligence. We hope this revision will offer its readers an enhanced awareness of their power and freedom of choice as we enter the century to come.

INTRODUCTION

I AM A THERAPIST who has spent a decade helping women in a variety of ways: as founder and president of the Life Crisis Counseling Clinic and of the Flexible Careers Counseling Center, both in Chicago, and both concerned with helping people in the areas of relationships, sexuality, and health; as a sexologist currently studying for a Ph.D. in human sexuality; and as a teacher who has taught people around the world about love and intimacy, self-esteem, assertiveness, awareness, sexuality, and how to use anger and power constructively. I am also a professional astrologer who has studied various astrological approaches, Jungian dream analysis, numerology, palmistry, handwriting analysis, and Tarot cards, all for the purpose of helping my clients and satisfying my own curiosity. I am senior editor of Forum, the International Journal of Human Relations. In this capacity, I receive over fifty thousand letters a year from readers who wish to share their personal lives. I was born in Hungary on April 13, 1944, and was educated abroad and in the United States. I'm a graduate of the University of Chicago, and the mother of two children, a girl and a boy.

Shortly after establishing the Life Crisis Counseling Clinic, I received a phone call from a psychiatrist. He wanted to refer a suicidal patient to me for a psycho-astrological consultation. I accepted the client, but with serious misgivings. After all, it was a grave responsibility, and I would only get one crack. I'll have to do better than my best, I told myself.

Usually I hold a dialogue with my clients, and each session takes an hour to an hour and a half. Each psycho-astrology client receives a tape of our session and is free to call back at any time. So far, I have never received a single call to tell me I had given the wrong advice, but I have had many telling me the session helped.

This woman came to the session pale, withdrawn, and depressed. Her session took just forty minutes because she was very quiet. To say she said little would be an understatement. I plunged ahead, speaking as clearly and positively as I could, trying to convince her of the conclusion I'd reached by studying her chart: that her crisis period would come to an end within four months. I remember telling her that I felt it was a test of her strength and love of life. I remember describing my belief that crises are actually our greatest learning times, springboards to evolution and happiness if we cope well.

I repeated that I felt her crisis specifically tested her courage. She had somehow, with the help of her subconscious, set herself the task of living without a family or a man to lean on. Mentally, she believed she was independent, but her emotions were resisting. Fear of the future and self-pity were all she seemed to feel.

I remember cautioning her not to expect that the world would help her out, but I stressed that in just four months, if she persisted, there would probably be a great opportunity for a new job and a romance. I told her, too, that nothing was likely to happen if she hid in her room; though the coming opportunities were indicated in her chart, she had the free will to accept or deny them.

Very gently I tried to get her to accept the fact that we are really in charge of our own lives. If we accept the existence and importance of our subconscious, if we listen to our dreams and inner voices, we'll find a hidden purpose in just about everything that happens to us. There are no coincidences, in my opinion, and her fears and depressions had come to teach her something important; they would pass.

I could not tell if she really listened or if the taped reading would help her. Usually my clients leave me feeling high. The point of my readings has always been to shed new light and bring fresh awareness into a person's lifepast, present, and future. Greater self-knowledge eventually produces greater harmony and better relationships.

I do not "predict the future." I predict probable patterns of human behavior. I predict the probable effects of current planetary cycles on a person's life, at the same time stressing free choice and individual responsibility. I engage my clients in a dialogue, reviewing the best possible choices open to them.

In my consultations, as in this book, my aim is to help the client sort out what is best for her. In the above instance staying home might have denied this woman her opportunity. It would have been unproductive behavior, and I pointed this out. I finished the consultation, as I always do, with a practical, tailor-made "how to cope" segment, which is always well received. When this particular client left, however, I was very concerned. For all I knew, she might kill herself the same day. Yet my intuition told me to remain optimistic; I would hear from her again.

About six months later, I began to receive requests for psycho-astrological consultations from a group of women who seemed to know one another. I finally figured out that the initial contact had come from my depressed lady. Apparently she was alive.

Almost a year later, she called me back. I have never forgotten the conversation, which went something like this: "Hi, do you remember me? I came to see you about a year ago. I was awfully depressed." I told her I not only remembered her but had thought of her often, hoping that the job and romance had come through and had given her the boost to start living again. She then continued:

Everything you said on the tape has come true. When the time came, I forced myself to go out and be in places where I could meet people. I was very skeptical that what you told me would really happen, but when I got a new job offer out of the blue, I decided I might as well go all the way and try the romance department.

Believe it or not, I met a man I am living with now. It's a good relationship, my job is fine, and I am a new person. I want to thank you, and I want you to know that I carry the tape of that session with me in my purse. I've also told many people about you.