Beverly Jones - Made It Thru the Rain: To Light the Journey Ahead

A big thank you to those who supported, inspired me and helped me through my dark days of depression. To name each and everyone would take a book in itself, a fact in itself of which, I am truly grateful.

There are those who held my hand every step of the way, there are those who, in the middle of the night took my calls and shone a light, there are those who listened and those who would advise. I had many who planned days out for me to ensure that I had a purpose, knowing that if they didnt I would resort to a duvet day.

There are those that knew and understood as they had travelled the same road and those who held me when I cried.

Each one of my close family and friends circle will know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

There are my doctors and my counsellors who have my heartfelt sincere gratitude always for their support, guidance and belief in me.

I would like to express thanks to those who supported my business idea and assisted me with the name, the design and its message, the journey continues! Thank you to my publisher O Books who through the publication of my story are helping me to assist and inspire others.

Thank you to the lovely Sue Stone for her generous spirit and her continuing belief and support.

And to Mike, thank you for always being there.

I wish you all a happy and positive life!

The study of the mind: interactions, behaviours, functions.

Developing and learning our understanding of self. Psyche
Books cover all aspects of psychology and matters relating to
the head.

At the time of starting my business I added Life Coaching to its name. Ive realised as time has gone on that the Awaken umbrella is constantly open to evolution, so in order to help new people though different avenues I dropped its tag and opened up its heart.

If you want to find out more about my story, my journey or the workshops Awaken can offer you in the way of inspiration, motivation and coaching (including Vision Boarding, Positive Thinking and Empowerment Events or joining your event as a speaker) please visit and get in touch at:

www.awakenlifecoaching.co.uk or at

www.beverleyjones.co.uk

Lighting your journey ahead

Love Life, Live Life Sue Stone

The Power of your Subconscious Mind Dr Joseph Murphy

Heal your Life Louise Hay

The Power is Within You Louise Hay

The Secret Rhonda Byrne

The Magic of Believing Claude M Bristol

The Cosmic Ordering Service Barbel Mohr

Positively Happy Noel Edmonds

Awakening Elizabeth Villani

Get out from under the duvet!

I CANT!

Yes I could yesterday and

Yes maybe tomorrow I will

But today I CANT

Please dont ask me why

I have no answers

Just leave me be.

How did I get here? Life, thats how. My journey has brought me to the duvet and its snug, warm hold that today surrounds me. My duvet days are just the best.

Its while Im here that I feel safe. Safe away from the world, away from the noise that constantly, continually fills and echoes inside my head. Its like Im living with a volcano sat inside me, just waiting to erupt.

I try to battle my thoughts. I dont want to think because it causes chaos: irrational thoughts that appear real, dark thoughts that appear to envelop my senses. I cant see, I cant hear, I cant taste and I cant feel. The only sense that is prevalent is smell. And why? Because I smell fear.

Im so afraid Im shouting, but theres no one around to hear. When Im in company no one can hear my cries because silent cries cant be heard. Its a nightmare and Im living it.

Ive cried so much today my eyes hurt; surely there cant be any more tears? The only way to stop them is to sleep. Today I know its bad because I woke myself up crying.

Doing daily chores has become impossible - everyone gets in my way and on my nerves. Just go away world, I cant be bothered with you.

It was following another duvet day that I took myself to the doctors. Ill always be grateful for the medical help I received from that day on.

I didnt talk at the doctors. I cried and I cried and just for good measure I cried some more. This brought on a panic attack and out came my inhaler.

The doctors view: You have two weeks left before you are hospitalized. You need to take time off work to rest and recuperate. This has to happen as of today. If you dont Well, the choice is yours.

I saw that I had no choice. I finally realised that giving in was not giving up, and that in order to get my health and my personal well-being back on track I had to take his advice and take time off work.

Walking out of the doctors felt like walking out on a life I had known for so long. Looking back over the previous two years I realised all the physical ailments Id succumbed to were my bodys way of telling me to WAKE UP!

Id suffered an unidentified problem with my foot and ended up in a cast. Id endured colds, headaches, sore throats and repeated kidney infections. During the first five months of 2009, Id taken three courses of antibiotics, all for various infections. My immune system was shot, physically I was worn out and mentally Id been crushed.

Burnout at its best. The doctor was right: I had no choice. I was on the point of collapse.

Id always been a strong, positive person, always there in a crisis. I was a person who strove to do well and to always be there for others in all areas of my life. I wasnt important to me. I spent my life caring, sharing and helping; nothing was too much trouble. I seemed to have more hours in the day than anyone else so nothing was a problem.

Only it was and I hadnt told anybody. What had happened? I just got tired.

Tired, weary, teary and sad, thats what Id become. Its a job now to say which emotion hurt the most, although looking back I believe it was the anger, which was a result of these emotions, that drove me to get help.

I got angry with me. How stupid! How pathetic! How ridiculous! What was happening to me?

I got angry with others: Cant you see Im ill? Why cant you help? AARGH, LEAVE ME ALONE - no dont go, I cant stand my own company!

It was the anger that drove me to cry the most. I screamed when no one was listening. I shouted when no one could hear. I held my arms so tightly they would bleed. To shut out the constant noise in my head I would hold it so hard that blood would appear where my nails had dug in - thats anger and frustration at its worst. At the time, in my mind, this was the only way to deal with the internal screaming. My thought process shouted: By making myself bleed I will hurt myself more than anyone or anything ever can.

What crazy thoughts

Listen to the story that your heart and mind are telling you

If you are willing to listen

I will tell

You may not like what I say

But listen and you may learn

The pain will be easier for us both

If you try to understand

I just cant snap out of it

As Id been forced to listen to myself, I now had what seemed like a huge, daunting task: I had to tell others.

How?

Telling others is so difficult. For me it felt as if I was admitting failure. I felt useless and pathetic. How could someone so strong, so able and so resilient, suddenly be this crying, de-energized, angry, negative person?