Jamie Schoffman - Not All Out of Love

Authors Note: Names have been changed to protect against litigation. Names have also been changed when requested.

Not All Out of Love

Copyright 2011 by Jamie Schoffman. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address One Day, PO Box 3, New York, NY 10028.

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2012903945

ISBN-10: 0-61-560195-2 (pbk.)

ISBN-13: 978-0615601953 (pbk.)

ISBN: 9781620958056

Excerpt from: Brick written by Ben Folds & Darren Jessee

1997 Hairsucker Songs, USA. Sony/ATV Music Publishing, Limited

All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Excerpt from: Somebody Kill Me written by Adam Sandler

1998 Maverick Recording Company; Sony Music Entertainment

All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Excerpt from: Cant Stop Losing You written by Sting

1978 Magnetic Publishing Limited / EMI Music Publishing Limited

All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Excerpt from: Adams Song written by Mark Hoppus & Thomas DeLonge

1999 Fun With Goats Music and EMI AprilMusic Publishing

All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

To Chris Ann ONeill.

You saved my life in more ways than I could ever possibly describe. You are the love of my life. I love you, always and forever. HB

Prologue

I ve really only learned one thing in my life. One thing, in my heart, as deep as the deepest ocean in the world; no matter how bad it seems, it will always get better, ALWAYS. They call suicide The Forever Decision, and it is. If you choose to take your own life, for you, the journey has ended. I know, because for me, in 2006, I thought the journey had ended. Ali Ple was her name, and she tried to kill me. It took four years and a woman named Chris Ann ONeill, the true love of my life, to show me that I was glad she didnt. This is my story.

Part 1

The Dark

Chapter 1

T o tell this story right, I need to go back to the beginning:

The year was 2006. I was a senior at The Florida State University, in Tallahassee, Florida. I lived in a two bedroom house with my roommate, Jessica Dawn Darcy, located on Arkansas Street, about three city blocks from campus. We fought a lot, we cried a lot, and we hugged a lot. We were a pretty odd duo. While I preferred staying in and being alone, Jessica preferred going out or hanging with friends. Im not saying that Im not a partier; Ive definitely had some legless nights. Not as bad as Tucker Max (if you havent read his book, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, or the sequel, Assholes Finish First, you should, its hilarious) but bad nonetheless. On several occasions, Jessica and I have discussed co-authoring a book on our tumultuous year of living together. I think we had previously decided that we would call it: Two Bedrooms, No Living Room.

I had tons of friends. John Antoine Addams and I actually hated each other when we met. Toine, as he likes to be called, since hes black but has the whitest name in the union, and I met at a Golds Gym in Tallahassee. We had some fight about my wrist straps, used to hold onto a barbell or dumbbell in order to get a better grip on the bar. We became lifelong friends when we both ended up working at a nightclub called Chubbys. Chubbys would be my purgatory, more on that later.

Jason Phillips is another friend that comes to mind. Jason and I met in 2004, when we both worked at Healthstop, a vitamin shop/smoothie store. We connected instantly due to our love of lifting and our love for all things fast. Cars, motorcycles, etc., if it was fast, we wanted to drive it. We spent countless hours feeding at Tropical Smoothie, Moes, or Quiznos. Or, if our schedules matched, wed hit the gym together. We took road trips together, and we went out drinking together. He is a dear friend.

I spent a lot of time at the gym. My love of lifting began in high school, but really took off once I got to college. Every second I was awake was, and still is, consumed with how I can get bigger and stronger. Im constantly trying to improve upon my diet and/or lifting routine to achieve better results. Its a lifelong pursuit, but one that brings me happiness each and every day.

My other hobbies include watching movies or reading. Im a HUGE movie buff, and have a slightly photographic memory which allows me to not only recite movie quotes at random, but also deliver entire scenes from memory. Some of my favorites include: Rocky, Die Hard, Jaws, and too many more to name.

As far as reading goes, my favorite author is Kurt Vonnegut. Do yourself a favor, go out and buy Welcome to The Monkey House, read the story entitled Long Walk to Forever, thank me later. That book alone is the reason Ive always wanted to write. I figured I would wait until I had something to say. Now of course, I do.

Chapter 2

I n my quest to help pay for college, as most student loans dont even come close to paying for all of your necessary bills, I had several jobs in my college career. I mentioned my job at Health-stop, in which I met Jason Phillips. My first job in college was at Subway, which was such a bad job that giving it any more description then that would be a disservice to you, the reader. But, after Subway and Healthstop, I began my career as a bouncer.

Being a bouncer isnt all that much fun. Ive always described it as a great job to look at and think you would enjoy. After all of the people leave for the night and the club closes, bouncers are the ones who clean everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. In my bouncing career, Ive cleaned floors, tables, toilets, mirrors, trash cans, and not to mention all of the substances Ive had to mop up: vomit, urine, feces, soda, beer, water, liquor, champagne, and probably more I cant even think of. Not many people out there actually want to be glorified janitors. At least real janitors get to work normal daytime hours. Bouncers usually work shifts such as 10pm-2am, 9pm-3am, etc. In big cities, like New York, bouncers dont get off until four or five in the morning. Luckily for me, clubs and bars in Tallahassee close at 2am, so I was usually in bed by 3am.

After my career as a smoothie artist ended, one of my friends from the dorm freshmen year, Scott Hertel, a.k.a. Scottie 2 Hottie, put in a good word for me at a nightclub called Chubbys. He set up an interview for me, and I went in wearing a Polo shirt and jeans, trying to look as big as possible. Back then I was 230-240 lbs at 60, not too shabby at all. Now Im almost 300 lbs, and Im damn proud of that.

My boss at Chubbys was James Tanksley. Over the years he would become a great friend. If you asked James about our first meeting, Im sure hed say that he was unimpressed. Maybe the only thing hed remember is that I was white. And since Chubbys was a predominantly black nightclub, my being white was a little bit of an oddity.

James and I began discussing the responsibilities of the job. During operating hours, my primary responsibility was to protect the integrity of the club. That means that not only do I protect property, but MUCH more importantly, I protect life. A bouncer has failed at his job if people dont get home safely. When you say that you are a bouncer, people automatically assume that you beat people for a living. This simply isnt the case.