Sheri Rose Shepherd - Beyond the White Picket Fence: What to do When Your Life is Dismantled

Sheri Rose Shepherd is a leading voice for women today, an authority on all matters of the heart.

K AREN K INGSBURY , New York Times bestselling novelist

Copyright 2021 by Sheri Rose Shepherd

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All scriptures are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION. Copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois, 60188. All rights reserved.

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D ear Sister in Christ,

I know how hard it is when youre right in the middle of a devastating dismantling season of life to even believe you can come up for air, let alone find the strength to build. In part, this book is meant to get you healed so that you can become even stronger in your faith, your emotions, and your reactions. My purpose in writing this book is to show you your God-given right to rise up from the ashes and become a beautiful representation of His glorious grace and prove our wounds can work for us as Gods power and promise are displayed in devastation.

Ill never forget the night my dad came into my room after another exasperating fight with my mom. I saw the fear on his face and the tears in his eyes as he knelt by my bed to tell me he was moving out. I love my dad so much, and he loved his family. But he didnt know how to save us at the time. I hugged him tightly as I felt my heart shattering. I knew that everything in my life was about to shift, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was only eleven years old. When I was young, I didnt know anybody with divorced parents, so I processed my pain by myself, and I felt so alone.

Little did I know that God would one day use my childhood devastation to help heal broken hearts and restore faith foundations. I did not know the Lord then. Actually, I was Jewish. I didnt give my life to Jesus until my twenty-fourth birthday, a night when I had planned on taking my own life. I called on the name of Jesus, and He truly saved me from myself and from my sin.

Sadly, I lost my Jewish family for my faith in Jesus and once again walked my journey alone. It was ten years before things changed. It was hard to live out my faith with their disapproval, but today my entire Jewish family knows the Lord!

To be honest, I was sure that my faithfulness to God, my decision to marry a Christian man, and my commitment to full-time ministry ensured me a life where the enemy couldnt destroy my family foundation. But five years ago, my life was dismantled in every way. I lost everything I loved all at once. And I am not going to lieit was devastating, and I definitely wondered where God was and why this was happening to me when I had been faithful in serving Him for twenty-five years. The book of Job describes my life all the way down to the boils on Jobs skin. My boils have come in the form of cancerous tumors all over my lymphatic system. Job 19:1314 says, My relatives stay far away, and my friends have turned against me. My family is gone, and my close friends have forgotten me.

While I dont want to share the devils details or dishonor those involved, I do want to share with you how God can use our devastation to do new things. Mistakes can be our tutors, and our pain can give us the passion we need to pursue our God-given purposes. When we go through trials, God gives us empathy and compassion for the people He brings across our path. In our trials, we come to understand things that never would have been revealed to us without that refining work.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, I made hard and heartbreaking choices to reverse the curse of the enemys work in my life. I started with the first foundation that was destroyed, which was my marriage. After our divorce, my ex-husband and I decided to forgive ourselves and each other for the wrong and hurtful things we did to each other during our twenty-five-year marriage. My ex-husband is now remarried to someone else, and I have chosen to remain single (unless God sends me a surprise). Right now, I am content right where I am. As weird as this sounds, I actually like the woman Steve married. (It helps that she had nothing to do with our marriage ending.)

Since then, Steve and I have made peace so that we dont add any more heartache to our adult childrens lives than our divorce already has. Our hope is that Gods mercy and grace can be seen through our intentional action. Yes, God hates divorcenot because He is mad at us, but because He knows the pain that happens when our hearts and vows are broken and the family foundation He built for us is dismantled.

Right now, you may be thinking, Sheri Rose, you have no idea what I have been through. Youre rightI dont, and I never want to underestimate anyones pain. But I do know what it feels like to be so heartbroken and horrified by what happened to your life that you think youre never going to come up again for air. I am living proof that there is life after the death of everything you love. There is life beyond the devastation of the white picket fence. It may not be the life you envisioned, but God is the master of remodeling the ruins if we make room for Him in our hearts and in our homes. Because I am fighting cancer, I have a continual reminder of how precious each day is. I praise the Lord that He helped me to process my pain. In exchange, I choose to take His new beginning, not looking back, so I can live out the call of God on my life, one day at time.

I know it seems impossible to believe that just one persons right reaction to the ruins could help to rebuild, repair, or redeem anything out of the wreckage in this world. King David was one person with enough faith to kill a giant that everyone else was afraid to face. Queen Esther, an orphan, was one person who saved a nation. Nehemiah was one person who inspired Gods people to help rebuild the broken city walls that the enemy had destroyed. That broken wall was like a white picket fence that represented the protection of that city. God didnt even give them new materials to build from. Instead, He showed them how He could take the broken pieces and rebuild. Eventually, that wall became stronger than the original, but not without a fight.

With that said, would you consider taking a step of faith by putting purpose to your pain by using the broken pieces of your pastor presentto lay a new faith foundation for our future generations to stand on long after youre gone?