Tori Hope Petersen - Fostered: One Womans Powerful Story of Finding Faith and Family through Foster Care

Copyright 2022 by Tori Hope Peterson

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

9781087750989

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 306.874

Subject Heading: FOSTER CHILRDEN / FOSTER HOME CARE / CHRISTIAN LIFE

Unless otherwise noted all Scripture is taken from the New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture references marked esv are taken from the English Standard Version. ESV Text Edition: 2016. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Cover design and illustration by Brbara Tamilin / Illustration (USA) Inc. Author photo by Lizzie Meyer.

To my babies, Leyonder, Sar, Ezzeri, and the ones who are not yet in my home. God placed you in my heart before I even knew you. Youve been my motivation to build a life of zealous love. Every day you inspire me to love deeper yet softer.

To Scott. You became my dad when an entire town advised you to wash your hands of me. By not listening to them, youve granted me a lifetime of being heard.

To my mama. My hero who granted me life, engraved in me wild determination, and raised me to embody grit and generosity.

To Tonya. My mother figure, minister, best friend, and mentor. Your gentleness and hospitality are forever embedded in me.

To Jacob, my husband. Im not sure if this should be a thank-you as much as it should be an apology for all the secondhand trauma youve experienced as I continue to discover who God has made me to be. Thank you for holding space for me and loving me. I love you all of you with all of me.

To God, who has gifted me this messy and stunning life to draw me closer to You. I am Your daughter.

T his story has forced me to wade into deep waters. I do not hang out where it is shallow, but sometimes Ive needed to swim back to shore to catch my breath from the winds and waves that have come as a result of being born into this life. Thankfully, throughout this story, a Lifeguard found me, and with Him Ive come to appreciate the depths of the ocean and the storm. Its where I sleep.

But Id never throw you into the deep waters without support, so you should know, as you read, that youll hit big waves, dark nights, and hail that feels as if itll never let up. There are moments in the journey youll want to shield yourself with an umbrella. And for some, you might need to do just that. Having been through some terrible times, and not enjoying when my brain unexpectedly reawakens my memory, I always appreciate when a book or a movie offers a trigger warning .

So here is yours: if youve been through family abuse or trauma, if youve been through your own foster care saga and youre not quite ready to relive certain parts, or if youre in an especially tender season for some other reason, now is the moment I give you the permission to choose if right now is the best time to sail your ship into these deep waters. Its not that everything in this book is stormyits not. There is hope, and in this story you will find the Lifeguard who saved me will be by your side too as you wade. You too can become a storm sleeper. But I owe you the truth that the joy, love, and victory found in these pages comes against a backdrop of pain, sorrow, and darkness.

You may find you arent ready to explore the path ahead, but if you are, lets start here.

First, the cover of this book says memoir, and it is one, but not in the ways you might expect. It doesnt go through every nook and cranny of my storyits not a play by play. Rather, its a collection of selected vignettes that give you the impression of the whole.

Second, the stories and opinions you read are mine and mine alone. I do not represent the story, nor the opinion, of every youth who has experienced foster care. I am one story among many.

Third, my prayer over this book has been Genesis 50:20. In my own story, I have seen that all that was intended to harm me, God intended for good to accomplish what is now being donethe saving of many lives. And my prayer is that as you witness this in my journey, youll see the same thing in your own story.

Fourth, my intention for this book is Mark 16:15my greatest hope being that I am an obedient witness of Love, and this is one way that I might fulfill the command of going into all the world and preach not just my story, but the gospel to all creation. It is the gospel that saved me, again and again and again. It is the gospel that keeps me.

Ultimately, Ive written this book, not so you can see what God did through me, but so that you will believe what God can do through you, no matter the odds.

M y first memory happened before I was born. Or maybe I cant claim it to be my own memory but a first-person interpretation of the story Mom told me. When it comes to memories, we cant be sure, even of our own perspective. What I am sure about is what we remember and how we remember it influences our perceptions about ourselves, others, and all our other memories.

Symbols flashed positive for pregnancy and HIV. Despite AIDs poisoning her body and her lack of religiosity, my mom prayed over my life. Realizing the impossibility of erasing the times she fell asleep in places she should have been keenly aware, she felt regret snuggled next to me in the pit of her stomach.

Her friends stood shocked when she told them about her pregnancy, especially those who knew heartbreak because of the inability to conceive. Conception through rape seemed absurd. Mom spent her night at the wrong place at the right time of the month to discover me in her womb weeks later. A friend heard her cry and sent a card that read, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the L ord , plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future Jer. 29:11 niv ). She rubbed her belly, feeling me swim in her amniotic fluid, aware HIV infected her blood. She took another pill hoping the medicine would prevent me from catching the virus, and she prayed, God, You may not have a future and hope for me, but I pray a victorious future for this baby.

I was born healthy and HIV negative. Expecting Mom to die before labor, the doctor tested her again. Symbols flashed negative for HIV. The doctor determined the first test a false positive. Declaring miracles in the medical industry would put medicine out of business. Mom saw it as a sign of victory and hopeVictoria Hope. I qualify the mishap as a miracle that God has made of my life.

Hours of counseling and parenting classes Mom willingly attended played a large part in me turning out okay. Many heroes played a role in my being where I am now, but Mom was my first hero. More than anyone else wanted me to make it, she did.

Jailed in Harris County for solicitation of prostitution, Mom heard my heartbeat and saw my hands laying under my head on the ultrasound. She said ever since she saw me, she loved me more than anything shed ever loved before, and she never ceased to let me know.

Transported from the jail, my mom labored in the back of a police car. Handcuffed to the hospital bed, Mom delivered me. Falcon, a man who started out as a trick, took me for three days until Mom was released. She never stopped telling me and everyone else that I was the most beautiful girl there ever was.

From a young age, Mom made clear that men took care of us and told me that one of the smartest things I could do for myself was marry a rich man. I could have never anticipated how antsy this would make me when I began to date, hoping my boyfriends and their parents wouldnt assume I was interested in a relationship for the money, since every boy I could have dated would most definitely inherit more than me.