Maxine Schnall - What Doesnt Kill You Makes You Stronger: Turning Bad Breaks Into Blessings

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This book is a must-read or a must-give if you or someone you know is dealing with loss.

This is a really valuable book for anyone whose life feels as though it is coming apart. Rooted firmly in Maxine Schnalls own experience and enriched by the examples of the other people she has worked with, What Doesnt Kill You tells you not only how to survive loss but also how to find meaning in it.

William Bridges, author of Transitions and Managing Transitions

Ninety percent of the greatest things that ever happened to me were the result of smashing defeats. This book has hundreds of true stories about survival. It is a must read.

Phyllis Diller

A must-read for anyone in crisis. Rather than offer platitudes, Schnall gives us real life examples of people who have used tragedy to turn their lives around. Her inclusiveness and attitude of sharing experiences rather than pretending to have a universal solution for anyone who is grieving makes this book work from the very beginning.

Cheryl Dellasega, author of Surviving Ophelia

I wish I had the opportunity to read What Doesnt Kill You Makes You Stronger three years ago following my motorcycle accident... it would have been great-tasting medicine.

Pat Croce, author of I Feel Great, and You Will Too! and 110%: 110 Strategies for Feeling Great Every Day

Maxine Schnall has written a much-needed bookespecially for these difficult times. By sharing her profound wisdom with usas well as her personal story and those of othersshe shows us that we truly can find surprising gifts in any misfortune. I highly recommend it to anyone who is in crisis or has experienced a loss of any kind.

Beverly Engel, author of The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships

Writing a book can be a very lonely venture, but I was blessed from the very beginning with the support and contribution of many people who made the creation of this book a heartwarming experience. The wonderfully enthusiastic support and sensitivity of my editor, Marnie Cochran of Perseus Publishing, provided a loving home for this book. My agent, Mary Tahan of Clausen, Mays, and Tahan Literary Agency, never wavered in her belief in me and in my work and offered priceless input and guidance. Im indebted to all the people who shared their personal stories with me, some anonymously, others using their real names, so that others could learn from their courage and find the strength within themselves to be transformed by adversity. Rabbi Moshe Dahan introduced me to the teachings of Kabbalah, which were a source of inspiration for some of the ideas expressed throughout these pages. My incredibly loving and devoted husband, Lawrence Mitnick, has kept me going through the worst of times and has made the good times even happier because he rejoices in them with me. To these people I owe a world of gratitude, not only for nourishing and sustaining me as I wrote this book but also for giving me the impetus to keep on reaching for the stars.

This book was shaped by a tragedy that struck my younger daughter seventeen years ago when she was twenty-two. It has taken me all this time to be able to write about that terrible event and the lessons it taught me, as many people have urged me to do. Ive always believed that the best books are written simply and truthfully from the heart, and I needed to give my heart ample time to heal before I could share a few powerful spiritual principles that helped me get through the tragedy and transformed my life in the process. Ive seen these principles lift many others out of helplessness, depression, and despair brought on by misfortune and transform them into stronger, more loving, creative, and fulfilled people. Thats why I know these principles can give anyone dealing with adversity of any kind a way to find meaning and something good in events that seem utterly meaningless and destructive.

My message is that we can all find hidden benefits in any misfortuneif we train ourselves to see adversity in a new light and respond to it creatively. We shouldnt look for closure or hope to go back to normal as quickly as possible. Burying the body of a loved one doesnt bring closure, nor does executing a murderer. Quickly replacing a job weve lost or a relationship that has ended isnt the answer either. The plain truth is that when tragedy or crisis strikes, no outside event will fix what has happened, and we cant go back to anything. Chasing after those false promises throws us off the track. We have to meet outer change with a fundamental change inside, a shift in outlook that draws upon the creativity inborn in all of us and helps us move forward to a new beginning. With this shift in outlook, we can transform fear, anger, and sadness into a new kind of inner strength that will be a lasting source of peace of mind. Then, and only then, will we find that every bad break can also be a blessinga new sense of purpose after the death of a loved one, the discovery of undeveloped talents after the loss of a job, a refreshed appetite for living after a serious illness, becoming a more authentic person after the breakup of a relationship.

I had already finished writing the first chapter of this book and was working on the second when the worst terrorist attacks in this nations history destroyed the World Trade Center and part of the Pentagon, killing close to three thousand people. Like every other American and most other people throughout the world, I watched the images of the imploding buildings in New York City in horror, shock, and disbelief. I wept when I saw people in flames jumping out of windows to their deaths and people on Ground Zero screaming in pain and terror as they tried to flee.

But then different images of heroism, strength, caring, generosity, and unity among Americans of all kinds began to appear everywhere we looked. We saw brave police officers, firefighters, and rescue workers putting in twenty-hour shifts, risking their lives, many dying, to try to pull people they didnt even know from the rubble. We saw people standing in line for five hours to give blood to the American Red Crossmore than 250,000 pints in that first week. We saw doctors volunteering their time around the clock to tend to the wounded while workers from nearby offices brought chairs to use as stretchers and venetian blinds for splints. We heard about fund-raising drives all across the country that brought in astonishing amounts of money, some of it coming from the piggy banks of little children. And we applauded the heroism of three passengers on the hijacked United Airlines Flight 93 who joined together to fight the terrorists, causing the plane to crash in a field near Pittsburgh instead of into the White House or the Capitol, thereby saving hundreds of lives at the expense of their own. If ever we needed proof that the worst brings out the best in people, inspiring us to new heights of courage and compassion, and that there is always a saving power within us to help us endure and grow stronger from tragedy, this series of events was it.