Colin Kapp - The Unorthodox Engineers

Colonel Ivan Nash to see you, Sir.

Colonel William Belling frowned. Ivan Nash? I thought he was on Cannis IV with the occupation force. Anyway, show him in.

Too late! said Nash from the doorway. Im already in. Cant wait on ceremony, you know, Bill. Ive got an operation to run.

Good to see you, Ivan! What brings you to Terra?

Briefly, said Nash, its the railways up on Cannis.

Belling waved his visitor into a chair and issued him with a drink. I fear Im a little out of touch, he said. I didnt think railways were quite in your line.

No? Nash filled his pipe carefully. How much do you know about Cannis IV anyway?

Not much. Gravity, atmosphere and climate roughly earth-normal. Population rated human equivalent on the Manneschen scale. Oh yesand volcanoes!

Precisely, said Nash dryly. Let us not forget the volcanoes. Cannis IV is a young world with a very thin crust. Plate-tectonic movement is still pretty extreme and the resulting volcanic activity is widespread and generally severe. magma-blowholes about a dozen metres in diameter can force up anywhere at any time. They raise sharp-edged slag cases from ten to a hundred metres in height. Thats why there are no roads on anywhere on Cannis.

Quite a place, commented Belling, refilling the glasses.

Quite a place and quite a people. Nash studied the ceiling reflectively. Tough as nails and as perverse and changeable as the hell-hole that spawned them. Considering theres not a two-hundred metre diameter of flat space anywhere on the whole damned planet its highly remarkable that any form of civilization ever managed to evolve, let alone one that managed to kick itself into space.

I had wondered about that.

Well you might. Theyre an extremely clever race. Theyre craftsmen, hobbyists and gadgeteers of the highest calibre. They built up a highly effective mechanical culture by trial and error and empirical method. But they have no true science as such.

So?

Ivan Nash paused. So Cannis IV took an accidental kinetic impactor during the war. One of the rebel asteroid-ships ended up there after we knocked out its drive. Now the locals dont have sufficient continuity of technology to get back on their own feet. If you knock a cockeyed culture like that to pieces how, in hell do you get it together again?

I dont know, said Belling, quite honestly.

And neither do I. Theyre a heck of a nice people when you get to know them. Thats why our presence on Cannis IV is more of a rehabilitation job. If we let them down we throw them back a thousand years.

As bad as that, eh? Belling muttered morosely.

Worse. With their present production and distributing capacity theyd have difficulty in maintaining more than twenty per cent of their population at a minimum survival level without our help. And help all the way from Terra is a mighty expensive item. We have to stand them on their own feet fast.

So you want reconstruction engineers?

No, I already have engineers. Unfortunately it doesnt work. Advanced technology is not very suited to patching up a string and hairpin culture. The gulf between our technology and their technique is too great. What I need are specialists with a peculiar kind of skill. Thats why I came to you.

The entire engineering reserve is at your disposal, said Belling. You name em, Ive got em. What do you want?

My main concern is with the railways. With no roads or airstrips, the railways alone give cohesion and life to their scattered society. Without it they cant survive.

So you want railway engineers?

No, said Nash sadly, they wouldnt be any use.

How come?

Man! said Nash in a voice of awe and wonder. Did you ever see the railways up on Cannis? Its a shunters nightmare, a plate-layers conception of hell. From an engineers point of view its a complete and utter impossibility.

Somebody must have constructed it originally.

Yes, a myriad crazy, bug-brained innovators, each working on a separate part to an entirely different specification and for conflicting reasons. Its a completely lunatic system which breaks every known law of elementary railway technique.

Then, said Belling wearily, if you dont want engineers what do you want?

I want to borrow the UE squad, said Nash grimly.

Belling winced. Are you serious?

Deadly.

You realize what the UE squad could do to a situation like this?

I realize its a dangerous thing to try, but desperate ills need desperate remedies. Its the last chance we have to save the planet from barbarism.

If I were you, said Belling sadly, Id resign.

Lieutenant Fritz van Noon of the Unorthodox Engineering squad faced his superior warily.

Ive got news for you, said Colonel Belling. As you know I was against the formation of the UE squad right from the start. The whole subject of Unorthodox Engineering has never sat very easily on my conscience. However, I think youve won your point.

You mean that Operation Hyperon is going through?

Just that, but there is a proviso. You have to keep the squad in operational trim until Hyperon is ready by accepting assignments outside this reserve. Colonel Nash has already made a specific request for your services.

Im grateful, said Fritz warily, but theres a distinct odour of an ulterior motive here somewhere.

Belling smiled wolfishly. There is indeed. Tell me, Fritz, do you know anything about railways?

No, sir, should I?

Then youd better get yourself a book or something. Youve just been appointed controller of public railways on Cannis IV. UE goes with you.

Cannis IV? Where the fuck is that?

Belling winced. Its the only habitable planet in the Cannis sector. And its the closest approximation to Hell Ive come across so far.

Im grateful you thought of me, sir, said van Noon sardonically.

And I appreciate your tact, Fritz. You know, its no easy task running a specialist engineering reserve. Always you get the one engineer in a thousand who should never have got out of playschool, let alone graduated. With a reserve strength like ours its inevitable that we should have collected more than our fair quota of screwballs. The problem has always been to place them in positions where they arent actively dangerous. Now I dont have to worry. The UE squad is a natural home for these guys.

Which statement reveals a deplorable lack of insight, said Fritz van Noon. I devised UE to provide an outlet for those engineers whose imagination carried them beyond the ordinary.

I know, said Belling dryly. Ive seen some of your extraordinary engineering. I can only assume that taking you to Cannis to rehabilitate an entire planet is some glorious form of poetic justice. And Fritz

Sir?

Take it easy on Ivan Nash. Hes a friend of mine, and he doesnt suffer fools gladly. Try pulling some of those stunts youve pulled on me and youll probably spend the rest of your career in the deepest and darkest jail he can find.

You can trust me, sir. After all, UE has a reputation to maintain.

Thats precisely what Im afraid of. Now get the hell out of here. I have an army to run

The landing at Hellsport Base did nothing to endear Fritz to the planet. The transfer ferry entered the guiding radio-cage at a tangent, failed to equalize, and bucked and ricochetted from beam to beam until the crew abandoned the automatics and dropped her to the ground under manual control. The ferry touched down with the motors out of synchronization, spun crazily, and dug itself a trench in the sand before it finally swayed to rest. That meant two hours of waiting whilst water jets strove to cool the hull.

Jacko Hine, his second in command, met him at the space-port entrance. Jacko and a small contingent of UE had been sent ahead to make a preliminary survey of the situation. The summary of the reconnaissance was proclaimed by Jackos crestfallen attitude and by the way his hair looked as if hed been grabbing it by handfuls.