Lochlan Bloom - Dust: Sandstorms

His body was so close I could touch it. His skin cold, already covered in a fine layer of grey. He was no use to me. No use to anybody now. His flesh was still firm beneath a thin robe that did little to cover his dignity. At one time I had dreamt of us being locked in a room together, to be alone with Daniel, but that was long before. I felt nothing, a blizzard of nothing.

We had been held in separate rooms since they captured me. The only people I had contact with were the guards and they never opened their mouths. Five days of silence, trying to soften me up, let my imagination take hold. What they didnt realise was that my imagination had long since been blunted. I had only one goal left.

Escape was not a worry. I would get away or I would die. Either option I could face. The waiting was thing, that was what could kill my nerves. But an opportunity would present itself, a blunder, I could feel it, some minor oversight that would allow me to slip away. I had observed them, estimated their skills and I knew I was their superior. It was simply a matter of time. My only concern was that each second that ticked away would make it that much harder for me to find Abel once I was free.

Outside I could hear the storm blowing through the buildings, engulfing the shabby collection of bricks and wood that made up this settlement. Whatever had once been here was buried now, never to return. The coruscating wind swept away anyone foolish enough to brave the elements. I should have felt relief, to be safe inside.

Had Daniel said anything about Abel? The fact that they had placed his body in my cell could only be an ill omen. What had he told them? Evidently they felt there was no more useful information to be extracted from poor Daniel.

The door was locked tight and for the first time I felt a surge of panic. I did my best to stifle any outward reflex, slowly lowering myself down to squat next to Daniels body. They were surely watching me. What were they expecting me to do? Or did they no longer care about either of us?

They clearly knew enough to see that Daniel was expendable but why put his body in my cell? Was it simply to scare me. I had counted on more patience from their side. Perhaps they didnt know about Abel. I reached out and put the palm of my hand against Daniels cheek.

When I had first awoken in the dim light of the cell and found his body there I had at first taken it for that of an animal, a dead offering, covered in dust, a sickly-grey funeral shroud. Unbidden my hand moved down across his neck and felt his hard chest beneath the filthy gauze-like robes they had wrapped him in.

There was no sign of bleeding from the exposed side of his body but his arms and torso showed deep, violet bruising. Someone evidently knew what they were doing. I traced the contour of his stomach muscles, resting finally on his groin.

Slowly I felt in between his legs, my hand cupping the swell of flesh a thin line of blood eased out of the fabric and stained my fingers. I recoiled in horror. I tried not to imagine what disfiguration lay beneath my flaccid fingers, tried to remember happy times when we had been together.

He had an unbelievable strength in his arms. I dont think he ever realised. There were times I could hardly breath. He knew how to throw me around. His hands clutching at me with a tender desperation, calling on me to satisfy him. Sweet asphyxiation. Empty from the bottom of my lungs. Not the usual way to go these days. No dust clogging my airways. No sediment to occupy my alveoli. I tried to imagine, what it would have been like if once I had died in his arms.

I would have to let all that go I knew. Once I passed the threshold of this cell, in whatever way that ultimately happened, then Daniel would no longer exist. Already he was a carcass, amongst the dust and grime of this make shift cell. Soon I knew he would have to become nothing, not the strength in his arms, not part of a shared moment, not even a memory.

It was not something that was so hard to do. I had done it a thousand times before. Since I had left the relative safety of the city it felt I was walking in a constant valley of death.

I heard the guards cow-like footsteps plod outside the door. There was a commotion outside. They sounded unnerved. For the first time it occurred to me that the presence of Daniels body in my cell might not have been pre-meditated. For the first time I considered that there might be some larger chaos stalking the building.

The guards came into the room.

Whats that? they said, pointing at Daniels inert body.

I looked at them darkly. They wanted me, I could tell, no doubt they discussed what they would do to me as they smoked cigarettes out of earshot somewhere else in this decrepit gaol. The taller one was handsomely built. I could imagine myself straddling his rock-like thighs. Still, they were both lucky to have survived out here, with so little intelligence between them. I could only presume that a lack of critical faculties must have served their masters purposes.

They left. I heard talking. My mind stuttered to keep up as I felt a shimmering need to get out of there. I had left everything behind to find Abel and here I was wasting time sitting in a cell with a dead lover. I stood. My head splitting. I needed something to straighten me out. I was in the corridor. They must have left the door unlocked.

It seemed too easy. There was no less sound here than in my cell but suddenly the place took on an eerie starkness. Like a moonlit mansion once all the guests have gone. The corridor was even filthier than the cell, dust filled gaps between the brick work and I could sense that the air- cleansing was struggling to keep the atmosphere free.

What if they have all left? I asked myself.

The corridor led to a backroom with a boarded window. Ashen light filtered in the gaps. Had I been in this room before? Four chipped seats sat around a table, with some bottles and papers atop. Next to the window was a door that had likewise been reinforced with boards. It clearly led outside. Out into the maelstrom.

Hunting around the room I found a scrap of material and wound it around my head creating a head covering of sorts, a filter. I would need it out there I knew. If they had left I was in real trouble. Without a vehicle there was no escape. I was miles from anywhere and without any way to signal this place would quickly be subsumed in the dust. Another lost place, another ex-place.

I tried the handle and it moved effortlessly. A vicious skirl of wind and sand whipped in through the gap. Was I losing my mind? The chance of surviving on foot out here, without a vehicle was next to impossible. A picture of Daniels groin, blood seeping out, flashed in my mind. I stepped back, choking slightly, the thin covering across my nose and mouth proving inadequate. The noise of the storm filled my head, a ringing, screeching clamour.

Turning back into the room I saw the guards behind me at the far side of the room. They watched me steadily making no move in my direction. Observing.

What did you do to Daniel? I screamed at them above the roaring sound of the wind outside.

They started at the sound of my voice as if caught unaware but made no move towards me. They watched me as if awestruck but I didnt have time.

Where are the vehicles, I felt a fury rising to bursting point inside me. The helpless creature I had been these last days gone.

The blizzard sucked at every sense. Filling the void between my fingertips and the rest of the world with a million disordered atoms. I stumbled away from the building, pulled by some dangerous instinct. Was I really free? If I lost sight, strayed too far into the maelstrom I knew I was lost forever but something like a voice guided me.