Elizabeth Esther - Girl at the End of the World: My Escape from Fundamentalism in Search of Faith with a Future

What a story! Girl at the End of the World is witty, insightful, courageous, and compelling, the sort of book you plan to read in a week but finish in a day. Elizabeth Esther is a master storyteller who describes her journey out of fundamentalism with a powerful mix of tenderness and guts. With this debut, Esther sets herself apart as a remarkable writer and remarkable woman. This book is a gift, and I cannot commend it enough.

R ACHEL H ELD E VANS , blogger and author of A Year of Biblical Womanhood

Sometimes hilarious, sometimes tragic, Girl at the End of the World provides an unflinching look at life growing up inside a fundamentalist cult. Elizabeth Esthers honest and vulnerable account of her childhood, and the effects of her parents religious zeal, is both fascinating and poignant. I couldnt put this book down. It will provide hope to anyone recovering from an upbringing where religiosity was emphasized over a relationship with God.

K RISTEN H OWERTON , author of RageAgainsttheMinivan.com

Girl at the End of the World is an unforgettable memoir. I white-knuckled its pages as I traveled through Elizabeth Esthers heartbreaking childhood. I cheered for her when she finally found freedom and grace. Its eye-opening, powerfully written, and offers a vital perspective in the conversation about fundamentalism and religious abuse.

J ASON B OYETT , author of O Me of Little Faith

Elizabeth Esthers story is a powerful account, and shes told it beautifully. As I read, I thought of my own memories of growing up in an evangelical church and wondered how theyve made me the person I am today. This book is a reminder that God is good and that He can redeem any story for His beloved childrenor as Elizabeth says, that God is big enough to meet us anywhere. Im so glad she has bravely told her tale.

T SH O XENREIDER , author of Notes from a Blue Bike: The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World

There is life on every page. Girl at the End of the World is evidence that sometimes our scars make the most beautiful art.

J OSH J AMES R IEBOCK , author of Heroes and Monsters

A delightful book: funny and wise and rich with insight about God and faith. Even while Elizabeth tells the darker threads of her story, her innocence, wit, and spiritual exuberance shine brightly.

M ATTHEW P AUL T URNER , author of Churched and Our Great Big American God

A memoir about childhood should not read like a seat-of-the-pants thriller, but Elizabeth Esthers does. And thats scary. I found myself wishing I could reach through the pages and hug that cowering, desperate girl, and tell her that God truly loves her. Im so glad she knows His devotion now, and so grateful that she is sharing her story so that we, as Gods ambassadors, can make sure abuse in the name of child training never happens again.

S HEILA W RAY G REGOIRE , author and blogger at ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com

Elizabeth shares with candor, wit, and near flawless writing about the religion she was so deeply hurt by. Her story is heartbreaking, yet redemptive, and we would all do well to pay attention to how religion without the love, grace, and truth of Jesus Christ is an empty and destructive force.

S ARAH M AE , author of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

G IRL AT THE E ND OF THE W ORLD
P UBLISHED BY C ONVERGENT B OOKS

All Scripture quotations and paraphrases, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the King James Version. Scripture quotations marked ( NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org).

Italics in Scripture quotations reflect the authors added emphasis.

Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.

Trade Paperback ISBN 978-0-307-73187-6
eBook ISBN 978-0-307-73188-3

Copyright 2014 by Elizabeth Esther

Cover design by Kelly L. Howard; cover photography by Charles Gullung

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Convergent Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, New York, a Penguin Random House Company.

C ONVERGENT B OOKS and its open book colophon are trademarks of Random House LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Esther, Elizabeth.
Girl at the end of the world : my escape from fundamentalism and search for faith with a future / Elizabeth Esther.First Edition.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-307-73187-6ISBN 978-0-307-73188-3 (electronic) 1. Esther, Elizabeth. 2. Christian biography. 3. Religious fundamentalismBiography. 4. Cults. 5. Psychological abuseReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BR1725.E84A3 2014
277.3083092dc23
[B]

2013043785

v3.1

For Sean Paddock, Lydia Schatz, and Hana Alemu Williams.
Requiescat in pace, precious little ones.

I am ready to die for Jesus. I am nine years old.

I clutch my little white Bible to my chest and step up on a plastic milk crate. Once again Im ready to prove that Im not ashamed of the gospel. If I can preach on this street corner and withstand the heckling of sinners, Ill show everyone Im ready to be a martyr for the Lord.

I swallow hard and try to smile. I tell myself that God speaks through the mouths of babies. And Im not a baby. Im nine.

Praise the Lord! I shout. Nobody looks at me. Praise the Lord! I shout again.

Nothing.

This flummoxes me. Ive preached all over the United States with my parentsto tourists at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, gay-rights activists in San Francisco, and college students in Midwest university townsbut this Rhode Island crowd is the toughest. Maybe Dad is right: maybe the most hardhearted sinners are East Coast Catholic liberals.

There is a bookstore nearby, and I redirect my sermon to the Brown University students walking toward it. I want to share with you the glorious message of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Street-preaching tip: shout the name of Jesus, and people will look at you.

Suddenly, eyes are on me. I try to smile againAlways look pleasant! Mom saysbut the East Coast humidity sits heavy on my shoulders like a hot, wet blanket. I feel smothered.

I glance at Dad, and he gives me a boisterous thumbs-up. He says theres no greater honor than being persecuted for my faith. I want somebody to heckle me. Nothing would make my dad happier.

I open my Bible to the bookmarked spot and hold it open in front of me. I pretend to read the words aloud even though I know them from memory. In my family, preaching is a competitive sport. Before I was reading, I could rattle off the books of the Bible. By age five I could preach a three-point gospel message in one minute. Damnation to salvation in sixty seconds flat.