Hughes - Open heart, open mind

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Simon & Schuster Canada

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This book is published independently by the author and publisher. It has no connection to, affiliation with, or endorsement by any of the entities, including corporate, sporting, or individual, or any of their products, which the book may depict or refer to.

Chapter 15 of Open Heart, Open Mind includes re-worked material by Clara Hughes first published in On Top of the World in Canadian Cyclist magazine in 2003, with kind permission of CanadianCyclist.com.

Copyright 2015 by Clara Hughes

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This Simon & Schuster Canada edition September 2015

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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Hughes, Clara, author

Open heart, open mind / Clara Hughes.

Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN 978-1-4767-5698-1 (bound).ISBN 978-1-4767-5700-1 (ebook)

1. Hughes, Clara. 2. Women Olympic athletesCanadaBiography. 3. Olympic athletesCanadaBiography. 4. Women speed skatersCanadaBiography. 5. Speed skatersCanadaBiography. 6. Women cyclistsCanadaBiography. 7. CyclistsCanadaBiography. 8. Depressed personsCanadaBiography.

I. Title.

GV697.H84A3 2015 796.092 C2015-903844-8 C2015-903845-6

Interior design by Akasha Archer

Front Cover Photograph Timothy Archibald;

Back Cover Photographs Getty Images

Cover Design: PGB

ISBN 978-1-4767-5698-1

ISBN 978-1-4767-5700-1 (ebook)

This book is written for anyone who has struggled or is struggling. And it is written for all those connected to the struggle. It was written with the hope that knowing something of my lifes journey, whats really behind my public smile, might inspire others to embark on their own liberating paths.

It started with my being asked to be the flag-bearer. I was sure I had the capacity to carry our flag and still perform. My first race was thirty-six hours after the march into BC Place, but I wasnt concerned. Without hesitation, I accepted. The Vancouver Winter Games in 2010 were my fifth games. I thought Id been through it all but competing at home took the stress to a new level. I was propelled from the hermetic existence of training and became, for a few days, the single focus of the biggest sporting event in Canadian history.

Richmond City Hall became Olympic central for the press conference. The secrecy surrounding the identity of the flag-bearer ended there on January 29, 2010. I stood at the top of an ornate staircase that wound down to a sea of newspaper reporters, TV media crews, politicians, Olympic officials, teammates, and citizens. I felt an elation equalling my best athletic moments. For the first time in my life, I felt that bliss without having to skate or ride myself through a world of pain.

The press conference turned my elation to despair. All my confidence and excitement was shattered as soon as I entered the obligatory media scrum. Reporters asked about the flag-bearer curse, the cost of venues, and protests on the streets. Anchor Wendy Mesley jokingly introduced me as a hard-drinking... troublemaker on CBCs The National .

I had no idea that after agreeing to carry my countrys flag Id be expected to be an expert on all things Olympic, but I tried to answer all the controversial questions as well as I could.

I left the press conference in a state of shock. Id made a mistake and a big one at that. There was no way out, and I knew it. My fifth Olympic Games had begun.

I sat alone in the apartment thatd been provided as part of our home-team advantage. My husband, Peter, set it up and made sure I had everything I needed to succeed, but I knew none of this would help with how I was feeling. I opened my laptop to write my coach an e-mail, thinking shed have some solid advice. Thats when I saw an e-mail from my good friend Tewanee Joseph.

Tewanee was the CEO of the Four Host First Nations (FHFN), made up of the Lilwat, Musqueam, Squamish, and Tsleil-Waututh First Nations. Every Olympic moment would take place on their territorial land. Id met him a few years earlier when looking for a connection to the Olympics deeper than sport. Id sent him a note asking for his help in connecting me with the First Nations youth. I wanted to share the Olympics with them and, in turn, feel a connection to their beautiful land.

His e-mail was an invitation to a brushing-off ceremony. While all my competitors moved deeper into bubbles that isolated them from everything but sport, Peter, a few of my closest support staff, and I travelled to find out exactly what this ceremony was.

Tewanees home was on the small patch of Squamish First Nations Reserve on Vancouvers North Shore. We walked into the warmth of the house, greeted by an abundance of food and smiles. All offered warm hugs; all were eager to make us welcome. After having been more or less institutionalized through a program of elite training, not to mention the pressure I put on myself, I was relieved to relax and forget my responsibilities.

These feelings strengthened when Tewanees wife, Rae-Ann, gave me a silver hummingbird pendant her son had picked out for me. She told me it would give me wings to fly. I wore it the entire Games.

The brushing-off ceremony was conducted amid candles, singing, and chanting, with kids laughing and playing in the background. An elder addressed us in his native language. His gestures and soothing voice, like the tones of Mother Nature, made me feel he was telling the story of the earth, wind, sun, and rain. I sat smiling with the others, taking in the energy and the calmness of his voice, and feeling completely within the moment.

Another elder addressed each of us in turn, opening our hearts to the energy of the flame and brushing away negativity. He told us, I cannot heal you of your pain. Only you can heal yourself with your open heart and your open mind.

At one point, Tewanees thirteen-year-old daughter stood in the middle of the room, crying. Though my friends and I didnt know what was happening, we listened respectfully as the elders told her, Thank you for sharing your beautiful tears with us. Let them flow.

Since I knew I carried a pool of raw feelings and unshed tears inside of me, I was grateful to see such despair welcomed as powerful and good.

One of the elders spoke to me in English: You can only attract success for yourself if you want every single one of your competitors to be good and strong. When you wish good things for others, this comes back to you. The strength to be kind is not often asked for, but this is perhaps the most important strength to have.