Melissa Orlov - The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD

Copyright 2014 Melissa Orlov and Nancie Kohlenberger, LMFT

All rights reserved.

No part of this book, except those portions specifically noted, may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means now known or to be invented, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher, except for brief quotations. Requests for permission or further information should be addressed to the publisher.

Book Design and Layout: Babs Kall, Kall Graphics

Melissa Orlovs photo by Steve Robb

Nancie Kohlenbergers photo by Pamela Novillo

Specialty Press, Inc.

300 Northwest 70th Avenue, Suite 102

Plantation, Florida 33317

(954) 792-8100 (800) 233-9273

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Orlov, Melissa.

The couples guide to thriving with ADHD / Melissa Orlov, Nancie Kohlenberger, LMFT.

pages cm

Summary: More and more often, adults are realizing that the reason they are struggling so much in their relationship is that they are impacted by previously undiagnosed adult ADHD. The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD gives concrete answers and strategies to those suffering from adult ADHD that couples can immediately use to improve their relationships. This book addresses questions from both ADHD and non-ADHD partners and provides straightforward advice arranged in a way that makes it easy to find the specific answers couples seek. It covers topics that include diagnosing adult ADHD, how to begin bringing about changes, communication techniques, dealing with anger and frustration, and rebuilding intimacy in a relationship. Part reference manual and part cheerleader, this is the go-to book for couples struggling with ADHD who want to actively work to improve their relationships-- Provided by publisher.

ISBN 978-1-937761-10-3 (paperback)

1. Attention-deficit disorder in adults. 2. Couples-Psychology. I. Kohlenberger, Nancie, 1953- II. Title.

RC394.A85O76 2014

616.8589--dc23

2014004079

Praise for The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD

A book destined to save marriages in trouble and awaken those in repose. Orlov has been there and done that, which, along with her naturalists eye and ear for the telling detail, makes this manual a rich and friendly foray into the wilds of ADHD. No need any longer for white knuckles; Orlov and Kohlenberger show you how to create a smooth ride in turbulent air.

Edward Hallowell, M.D., of The Hallowell Centers
in Sudbury, MA, New York and San Francisco

Hands down the best book for couples dealing with ADHD. No other book comes even close to providing a balance of the positives, negatives and all that is between: Thrive provides both inspiration and concrete strategies for couples learning to find joy again after years of struggling with ADHD. I love this book!

Bryan Hutchinson, Author of 7 Crucial Tips for
Parents and Teachers of Children with ADHD

As in Ms. Orlovs ground-breaking first book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Orlov and Nancie Kohlenberger here provide extremely helpful insights, practical advice, and sage wisdom for couples in which one or both partners have ADHD. This new book, The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD, focuses on the hot spots which typically engender distress, such as those related to communication, dealing with anger, and navigating chores and tasks at home. Written in a compassionate, understanding tone, as though they were speaking directly to the couple, the aim of this book is not to help couples merely cope with ADHD but to thrive, re-igniting the spark of love and romance that brought them together in the first place.

Mary Solanto, Ph.D., Associate Professor,
Director, ADHD Center, Icahn School of Medicine
at Mount Sinai. Author of Cognitive-Behavioral
Therapy for Adult ADHD: Targeting Executive
Dysfunction

This book is a must-read for couples who want a healthy, loving relationship. Written for both the reader with ADD/ADHD and without, The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD does an excellent job of explaining the intricate ways ADHD can affect couples.

Easy to read, the authors offer an insightful look at the most common hot-spots (both obvious and subtle) that couples need to recognize and work through, in order to maintain and strengthen their relationship.

The book does more than provide a better understanding of ADHD and its effect on couples. It digs deeper, to offer invaluable, practical tips and techniques for dealing with those issues. This is a guidebook to a happier, healthier relationship. It will help reduce stress and bring back the affection and romance that often gets lost in the struggles of ADHD.

Harold Meyer, Coach & Executive Director,
The A.D.D. Resource Center
Chair, CHADD of New York City

A wonderful guide to the unique ways that ADHD can impact relationships. Partners will learn that they are not alone in their struggles, and what it takes to adapt and enjoy life with each other to the fullest. The authors have created a frank, practical and bravely personal guide that will help many.

Craig Surman M.D., Scientific Coordinator,
Adult ADHD Research Program, Massachusetts
General Hospital; Assistant Professor of
Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School; Co-author of
FAST MINDS: How to Thrive if You Have ADHD

As a late-diagnosed woman with ADHD, I can attest to the hopelessness engendered by a lifetime of inexplicable failure and heartbreak. The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD offers hope when all seems lost. It achieves what Hollywood-inspired visions of romance cannot: a practical roadmap to relationship recovery that is truly sustainable and offers a real-life happy ending.

Authors Orlov and Kohlenberger, armed with their collective professional and personal experience with ADHD in marriage, are not offering a fairytale in The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD. Without shying away from the negative impact of ADHD symptoms, they offer something much more valuable: a script away from blame and back to a partnership with the chance of a real-life happily-ever-after.

Zo Kessler, B.A., B.Ed., Author of ADHD
According to Zoe - The Real Deal on Relationships,
Finding Your Focus & Finding Your Keys

Practical, accessible, compassionate, and a pleasure to read a must-have book for any couple living with the challenges and rewards of ADHD. It offers strategies to regain a positive and long-lasting loving relationship. The perfect life companion for couples and coaches who deal with ADHD on a daily basis.

Nancy Ratey, ED.M., MCC, BCC Author,
The Disorganized Mind

Compassionate, concise, and insightful, The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD is filled with a-ha moments, and is a must-read for consumers and mental health professionals alike. Melissa Orlov continues to impress me as an authoritative voice on ADHD in couples.

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT,
Founder of GoodTherapy.org

In The Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD, Orlov and Kohlenberger not only tackle the obvious challenges that ADHD-impacted couples face, like communication and control issues, but they also delve into difficulties that are just as common but often unaddressed, such as the chronic anger that either partner may feel, as well as the parent/child dynamic that many couples find themselves trapped in. Through personal experience, expert knowledge, and kind-hearted compassion, Melissa and Nancie provide ADHD-impacted couples with a thorough understanding of why they are experiencing certain challenges in their relationship, and what they can do to overcome these challenges. Their methods are multi-layered and offer help for all couples from those who are just beginning their work to those who just need to make a few improvements, and even to those whose partners are not yet ready to make changes.