Deborah Collins Stephens et al. - This Is Not the Life I Ordered: 60 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down

This book is an object lesson in the power of friendshipand the power of perseverance. The four fearless women who wrote it share their remarkable storiesfeaturing incredible highs and heartbreaking lowsand in the process show us how to overcome the fears that limit us. It's funny, inspiring, and practicaloften all at the same time. Put the most entertaining episode of TheView in a blender with Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and you'd get This Is Not the Life I Ordered. It's a book you'll want to order a stack of, so you can share it with your girlfriends and your daughters.

Arianna Huffington, author of On Becoming Fearless

I wish I had this book thirty years ago. What a welcome source of inspiration and insight.

Linda Ellerbee, journalist, award-winning television producer,
bestselling author, breast cancer survivor, and mom

Even before you hear their stories, you feel their strength. When these four women came into my office, I knew I wanted to be a part of their mission. Readers will find themselves engulfed (in a good way) by their spirit.

Gerry Laybourne, founder of Oxygen Media

Kudos to the amazing strength of these women! This book is the needed inspiration to survive the worst luck and circumstances that catch women unexpectedly. Stories of almost unimaginable pain and tragedy: the death of loved ones, being witness to mass murder, the loss of an esteemed job after years of loyalty, and reversal of fortunes. But more importantly, these are stories of individual strength to transform shock, despair, and paralysis into... unexpected happiness.

Amy Tan, bestselling author of The Joy Luck Club

A must-read for all women and the men who love them.

Rita Moreno, actor and winner of an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy,
Tony, and the Presidential Medal of Freedom

This book captures real-life momentsfrom overwhelming hardships to triumphant outcomes. It echoes hope on every page and gives insightful inspiration to get us through life's daily challenges. I love this book and all the threads of wisdom intricately sewn through each page. Best of all it is done with girlfriendswho have been my greatest support system. After you read it, you will realize that so much of your potential is just waiting to be released.

Debbi Fields, founder of Mrs. Fields Cookies

This is the book you need when it is 2:00 a.m., and you can't sleep because things in your life are not the way you hoped they would be. It is filled with the support and wisdom you would get from your friends, and more. It contains inspiring and true stories as well as the tools to help you move to the other side of whatever obstacles might confront you. It will comfort you and give you courage.

Anne Robinson, cofounder of Windham Hill Records

These women inspire us to go for the gold in our lives. They all deserve 10s!

Kristi Yamaguchi, gold medalist figure skater

A moving book, full of hope and encouragement. I laughed and cried but always felt uplifted!

Jessica McClintock, founder and CEO of Jessica McClintock, Inc.

You'll want to buy a copy of this book for yourself and every woman you care about. The inspiring real-life stories prove that you can overcome anything life throws at you, if you put your mind to it. These refreshingly honest stories will buoy your spirits and give you the clarity and courage to make your life what you want it to be now, not someday. Read it and reap.

Sam Horn, bestselling author of Tongue Fu!

This edition first published in 2019 by Conari Press, an imprint of

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

65 Parker Street, Suite 7

Newburyport, MA 01950

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2019 by Deborah Collins Stephens, Michealene Cristini Risley, Jan Yanehiro, and Jackie Speier

Foreword copyright 2019 by Rita Moreno

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages. Previously published in 2009 by Conari Press, ISBN: 978-1-57324-413-8.

ISBN: 978-1-57324-737-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request.

Cover design by Kathryn Sky-Peck

Interior illustrations John Grimes

Interior by Deborah Dutton

Typeset in ITC Garamond, Gill Sans, and Trajan

Printed in Canada

MAR

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

This book is dedicated to brave and courageous women who light the dark for all of us.

Life is good. Life is short. May you achieve your dreams. May you also be wise enough and generous enough and kind enough to help another woman achieve hers.

THE AUTHORS

CHAPTER ONE
MANAGING MISFORTUNE

CHAPTER TWO
LEARNING TO LOVE MISTAKES

CHAPTER THREE
MAKE COURAGE AN EVERYDAY COMPANION

CHAPTER FOUR
UNDERSTANDING MONEY

CHAPTER FIVE
WHEN LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU
ORDERED, BEGIN AGAIN

CHAPTER SIX
REINVENTING YOURSELF

CHAPTER SEVEN
CARRYING WHAT CANNOT BE FIXED

CHAPTER EIGHT
FACING NAYSAYERS

CHAPTER NINE
REBOUNDING FROM MISTAKES, MISERY,
AND MAYHEM

CHAPTER TEN
DESIGNING YOUR LIFE

CHAPTER ELEVEN
LIGHT A CANDLE IN THE DARK

It takes a village for a woman to pick herself up, dust herself off, and rise. We are indebted to the village of women who shared their stories with us. Their contributions have made for a good book. More important, they have enriched our lives in ways that will stay with us forever.

Our families give us meaning in so many ways that to go into detail would require that we write another book! To our children, Aaron and Lily Stephens; Christopher, Austin, and Dillon Risley; Jackson and Stephanie Sierra; Jaclyn, Jenna (Robinson), and J. B. Zimmerman; Meredith (Flynn) and Christopher Evesthank you for being the loves of our lives!

To Greg Brandenburgh, our editor at Conari Press, thank you for your support and sense of humor. If the publishing doesn't work out, we're convinced that stand-up comedy can become your next act!

Finally, John Grimes (www.grimescartoons.com), the funniest man we know, you read every word of our manuscript and delivered illustrations that make women laugh every time!

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. It is necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from.

MAYA ANGELOU, AMERICAN POET (19282014)

What started around a kitchen table with nothing more than the goal of re-inventing ourselves has resulted in a community of women who still contact us with their stories. We thank you. We feel privileged to write a book that gives hope, inspiration, encouragement, and lessons for all womenanywhere, anytime, at any age. Hope remains a strategyalways.

This edition enters a world that feels like a runaway train and, on many days, a complete train wreck! In 2008, our paperback edition came roaring into a world where headlines screamed that we had entered the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Truly, it was a time that few of us saw coming and none of us ordered. Yet, survive we did.