Selena Rezvani & Lois P. Frankel - Pushback

More Praise for Pushback

Pushback performs the service of arming women with the single most compelling career advancement strategy at their disposal: negotiating skills. Rezvani's day-to-day bargaining tactics are simple to apply, yet intensely effective and stunningly powerful.

Linda C. Babcock , Ph.D., James Mellon Walton Professor of Economics, Carnegie Mellon University; coauthor, Women Don't Ask

Any woman who has ever swallowed hard and accepted less than she should at work will benefit from this book. Selena provides a template for negotiating gracefully and powerfully for what you want, need, and deserve.

Sally Helgesen , author, The Female Vision and The Female Advantage

You must read Selena's new book, Pushback . In an age of intellectual capital where value added is so often subjective, it is absolutely vital for women leaders to highlight their contributions and ask for what they want, and this dynamite book will teach you how to find your own voice and style for effectively self-advocating.

Manisha Thakor , coauthor, On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl's Guide to Personal Finance

Pushback is a compelling playbook for taking charge. Selena Rezvani nails the personal toolsfrom negotiating persuasively to thinking strategicallyfor the leadership of which all managers are capable and on which all firms depend.

Michael Useem , professor of management, director of the Leadership Center, Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania

Copyright 2012 by Selena Rezvani. All rights reserved.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rezvani, Selena.

Pushback : how smart women askand stand upfor what they want / Selena Rezvani ; Foreword by Lois P. Frankel. First edition.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-118-10490-3 (hardback)

1. Assertiveness (Psychology) 2. Leadership in women. 3. Women executives. I. Title.

BF575.A85R498 2012

658.4'09082dc23

2011052577

For my mom

Foreword

Smart women ask; nice girls just don't get it. The first part of this phrase is part of the subtitle of this book, and the second part is the title of my most recent book, coauthored with Carol Frohlinger. Put them together into one sentence and it tells you a lot about women, negotiating, and the ways in which we sabotage our own best efforts when it comes to getting what is most important to us. Behaving according to the rules you were taught in childhood was appropriate for nice little girls but will never enable you to achieve your adult goals. Nice is necessary for success in any endeavor; it's simply not sufficient.

Case in point. Although I've never met Selena Rezvani, I admired her gumption when she wrote to inquire if I might be willing to provide a foreword for her book. She walked the talk. She asked! And let that be the first of many lessons as you read on. Nice girls just don't get it because they don't ask. Mired in old messages and stereotypes, they long for morewhether that's more respect, money, love, or you name itbut they're hesitant to ask for fear of being labeled too needy, greedy, off-base, insensitive, or a host of other adjectives that are far from the truth. Make no mistake about it. The opposite of a nice girl is not someone who is self-centered, egotistical, or worseshe's a smart woman.

So why do we allow the names we're called when we're assertive, when we ask, and when we stand up for ourselves to wound and immobilize us? Because we live in what Anne Wilson Schaef calls the white male system. By definition a system is designed to perpetuate itself. Think political system, family system, or ecological system. The name-calling, put-downs, and negative innuendo that result when you advocate for yourself are no more than the system trying to keep you where it thinks you belong. And you know what? Each time you acquiesce to these messages the system has succeeded.

In the form of rock-solid research and advice, Pushback offers help in overcoming counterproductive social messages and self-talk. It provides practical strategies that will help you challenge norms and illuminate possibilities you may have never before considered. From negotiating an alternative work arrangement, lobbying for flexibility, or asking for a job that doesn't yet exist, this book delivers news you can immediately use. As a consultant, executive coach, and recovering nice girl, I know how difficult personal change can be. If you knew better, you'd do better. Whether you're the freshest face in your organization or a freshly appointed senior vice president Pushback provides you with knowledge and tools to amplify your success.

As I often tell my clients, no one will ever take better care of you than you will take care of yourself. Not your boss, your partner, your parents, or your friends. As well-meaning and supportive as they may be, when it comes right down to it, no one knows better than you what's right for you. It's a matter of clearing the path to knowing what you do want and don't want, trusting your instincts, and preparing yourself for life's challenges. The power of Pushback will help you in all three arenasand more. You're a smart woman. Now, act like it.