Pfeiffer John - The Slackers guide to U.S. history: the bare minimum on discovering America, the Boston Tea Party, the California gold rush, and lots of other stuff dead white guys did

The following passage is for illustrative purposes only. It is in no way a reflection of the authors' philosophy on American history. In fact, the purpose of this paragraph is to emphasize what is wrong with the current crop of books published about U.S. history. If for any reason while reading this illustrative paragraph, you suffer from shortness of breath, sweaty palms, or an overwhelming desire to seek out the worm at the bottom of a tequila bottle, calmly stop reading and proceed to the next paragraph. Please note: The following paragraph has been borrowed in its entirety from Edward Channing. Mr. Channing is a Harvard history professor and the author of A Short History of the United States . What follows is from the first paragraph of the preface of his book. Again, proceed with caution!

The study of the history of one's own country is a serious matter, and should be entered upon by the text-book writer, by the teacher, and by the pupil in a serious spirit, even to a greater extent than the study of language or of arithmetic. It is a text-book pure and simple, and should be used as a text-book, to be studied diligently by the pupil and expounded carefully by the teacher.

Wow. Is it any wonder no one is getting a hard-on for history at Harvard?

Unfortunately, this is the type of philosophy that is embedded in nearly every book ever published about American history. As a result, it is not only the students of Harvard who can't seem to get it stiff for history, but also the rest of the country. People who write about history tend to take the subject matter and themselves way too seriously.

The stuffy history professor with a half dozen initials after his name who is popping double stacks of Viagra between lectures is not qualified to write a book like this. The slacker generation has been tuning out these talking heads for years. They have sat in lecture halls with their fellow collegiate comrades trying to decide whether it's Dr. Talking Head, MLS soccer, or a preseason WNBA game that has the greater power to suck your soul dry. Unfortunately, for most, the conclusion was Dr. Talking Head.

Syllabus

Please read through the following syllabus at your convenience. There is no need to rush through the material, as this course is not designed for overachievers. There will be no extra credit for students who exceed expectations. The performance expectations for this course have been set very low. Please make no effort to impress us with high test scores and well-written essays. Any student who is willing to screw up the bell curve for the rest of the class by scoring outrageously high marks will be promptly dismissed from this course, as this behavior is considered unacceptable.