Harris-Hendriks Jean - When Father Kills Mother
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Children bereaved by the death of one parent at the hands of the other, almost always the father, in effect lose both parents, and are often forgotten in the midst of such dramatic situations.
Reflecting the increased interest in child protection and child law systems, this second edition of When Father Kills Mother brings to public knowledge, in amplified form, information about the effects of psychological trauma and bereavement on children. By combining knowledge about bereavement with that of post-traumatic stress disorder, the book remains informative and essential reading for all those involved in the field, both professionally and personally.
Jean Harris-Hendriks is Honorary Consultant to the Traumatic Stress Clinic, Camden and Islington Community Health Services NHS Trust, London, and Honorary Senior Lecturer, Royal Free Hospital and University College Medical Schools, London. Dora Black is Honorary Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, lately, Director, Traumatic Stress Clinic, Camden and Islington Community Health Services NHS Trust, London, Honorary Consultant to the Royal Free Hospital, Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children and the Tavistock Clinic, and Honorary Senior Lecturer, Royal Free Hospital and University College Medical Schools, London. Tony Kaplan is Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist in the Enfield Child Guidance Service, and Honorary Consultant and Senior Lecturer, Traumatic Stress Clinic, Camden and Islington Community Health Services NHS Trust, London.
and grief
Dora Black and Tony Kaplan
First edition published in 1993
Second edition first published 2000 by Routledge
11 New Fetter Lane, London EC4P 4EE
Simultaneously published in the USA and Canada
by Taylor & Francis Inc
325 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia PA 19106
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group
This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2001.
1993, 2000 Jean Harris-Hendriks, Dora Black and Tony Kaplan
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book has been requested
ISBN 0-415-19627-2 (hbk)
ISBN 0-415-19628-0 (pbk)
ISBN 0-203-13862-7 Master e-book ISBN
ISBN 0-203-17662-6 (Glassbook Format)
To our parents
Each child bereaved by family violence has a story which is unique, yet these stories have common patterns too. We wish to bring alive these tragedies, so personal yet so universal, in ways which will alert all those who read them to the common themes of loss, trauma and dislocation.
What we have done, therefore, is to create and illustrate new stories, none of which is based on an individual child but which all cast light upon the common tragedy. The recurrent dilemmas faced by parents, carers, other relations and the professionals are illustrated in the same way.
We have chosen first names for the children in each story, adding invented surnames where there is need to refer to a parent or other relative. Any resemblance to real-life family names or circumstances is coincidental.
We are grateful for advice, consultation and help with the creation of clinical stories to: Gordana Batinica, Judith Bevan, Anita Colloms, Andy Cotgrove, Ricky Emanuel, Steven Isaacs, Deborah Lee, Annette Mendelsohn, Joanne Morris-Smith, Margarita Wood and Linda Zirinsky; to Bob Blizard and Amanda King for statistical advice; and to Ann Shearer for helping us to make the book more readable.
Our grateful thanks are due to Christine Fuller, Stephanie Hamer, Sandra Kalabza, Fred Morris and Catherine White for their work on preparation of the manuscript.
Michael Grosvenor-Meyer advised on the Introduction; Martin Newman collaborated in the revision of Chapters 1 and 2; Judith Bevan and Annette Mendelsohn with the revisions of Chapters 5 and 8. Kirsten Huitfeld contributed to the stories in ; Philippa Hyman, Jill Knox, Lisa Strickland-Clark and Tracy Thorns contributed to Study II, Chapter 12.
Esther Levy and Donna Shears have given permission for their stories to be included in .
We thank Diana Hendriks for sub-editing and preparing the manuscript for this edition.
We also acknowledge permission to quote from the following sources:
Chapter 1 Isaac Rosenberg (1937) Collected Works, edited by G. Bottomley and G.W. Harding (eds), Chatto & Windus, London.
Chapter 2 Donald Atkinson (1991) A sleep of drowned fathers. Permission of the author. Peterloo Poets, Cornwall.
Chapter 3 A.L. Hendriks (1987) The feathers. Permission of the authors estate.
Chapter 4 Roland John (1992) Celebrants. Permission of the author. Headland Press, Merseyside and Spacex Literature, Devon.
Chapter 5 Peter Dale (1992) The Old Path. Permission of the author. Hippopotamus Press, Somerset.
Chapter 6 John Cotton (1992) Clearing the house. Permission of the author. Headland Press, Merseyside.
Chapter 8 Alan Harris (1992) Trapdoor. Permission of the authors estate. Headland Press, Merseyside.
Chapter 9 Robert Louis Stevenson (1912) Poems. Chatto & Windus, London.
Chapter 10 R. Gabriele S. Silten (1991) High tower crumbling. Permission of the author. Fithian Press, California.
Chapter 13 William Wordsworth. To a child: written in her album (1835) Wordsworth:Poetical Works (1904). Oxford University Press, Oxford.
The first court report first appeared in Child Psychiatry and the Law, edited by D. Black, S. Wolkind and J. Harris-Hendriks, 2nd edition, 1991 and is reprinted by permission of the publishers, Gaskell Press and The Royal College of Psychiatrists.
How we came to the work
Are you sure you want to see it? I can only draw sad faces
(Harry, aged 6, when asked to draw what he saw when his mother was shot by father who later killed himself)
Jealousy, passion, hatred and anger are intense human emotions which fascinate us all. Our literary heritage abounds with accounts, both true and fictional, of such feelings between kindred which result in tragedy, beginning with the story of Cain and Abel, continuing with the richness of Greek myths, Nordic tales of the gods, Shakespeares plays and contemporary novels and operas. We can identify with the adults whose passions may lead them to kill, or be killed by, those they love most. But what happens to the children often the innocent witnesses of adult passion and inevitable victims?
Over the years, because of our interest in children who had lost a parent through death, we found ourselves being asked to help with more and more complex problems, the most difficult of which related to children where one parent had killed the other. Realising that we had a unique group of children, we searched for guidance from other workers. What had our colleagues written about these children? The worlds scientific literature contained little to help us, so we turned to the worlds story-tellers for help.
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