Lucky Bradley - Accidentally Gay: The True Love Story When a Wife Becomes a Husband

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Digital ISBN: 9781626014954

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First Edition February 2019

Forevery couple that has to navigate the uncharted waters of transition,

andto Luckys parents, John and Mary

forthe unconditional love and acceptance that they offered.

AccidentallyGay was created as a blog when Wolsey, my then-wife, confessed to me that shewas actually a man and I couldnt deny her truth. She became a him tome, and I loved him with all my heart, and wanted to be with him. I stayed. Iknew it would be incredibly tough as I had never dated a man, and had beenperceived by the world as a cisgender, heterosexual white man. I scoured theweb for help, but I was never able to find any sources on men staying withtheir transitioning spouses.

After a few weeks of searching, I felt I needed to record myexperiences. I was hoping maybe it would help people in the future. I wouldhave been happy if anyone else had done so.

Our story had gotten out and we were interviewed by multiplemedia outlets including The Advocate, NY Magazine and some podcasts. Wehad received offers to be on television shows and to write for internationalpublications because of our essays on the blog Accidentally Gay.

This is the story of a man and his transgender husband, whoaccidentally became a homosexual couple. It is the story of what we wentthrough during Wolseys transition and how it made each of us feel. We alsodetail the help, support and sometimes opposition of our journey.

We thought wed open each chapter with a post from TheAccidentally Gay blog, then give an update on how Lucky feels today, followed byhow Wolsey feels. Each chapter will explore what we thought were significantevents regarding Wolseys transition, and how they affected Lucky up untilWolseys surgeries.

We also wanted to explain our pronoun usage for Wolsey.Pronouns are very important to transgender people. Pronouns are like smallcelebrations and affirmations in a world where transgender people arestigmatized.

Wolsey used femalepronouns before deciding to transition, and we often refer to Wolsey as shehistorically. We never meant for this, but its something that evolved earlyon. As time has gone on, that has faded more and more, but it does lead to whatwould be classically considered misgendering of Wolsey.

Make no mistake, Wolsey is absolutely a man and uses malepronouns, but during this early transition period, think of it as Wolsey givingeveryone a grace period to catch up to his reality.

Its always good practice to refer to a transgender personas their identified gender pronoun. If you are not sure what to do, just askthe transgender person you are addressing. They will guide you to what theyfeel comfortable with.

Lucky and Wolsey

HowWe Met

From the Accidentally Gay Blog: HowWe Met

Posted on July 23, 2016

Are you stalking me?Because that would be super.

Ryan Reynolds

(Wolseyand I talked, and thought it would be easier here to refer to him with femininepronouns. It helps paint the picture of what he presented as, and how Id haveinterpreted his gender back when we met. This was a long time ago, and neitherof us had any concept of what being transgender even was.)

A commonquestion I am asked is how did Wolsey and I actually meet? Was it fate? Was itsome quirky romantic comedy situation? Was it maybe perhaps a horror show? Theanswer to all of that is no, or maybe yes in parts. Overall though it waspretty straight forward, or at least that is how it seems now.

I had recently moved up to Bellingham, Washington rightbefore I turned 17. The first thing I did there was meet a group of friendswith whom I played Dungeons & Dragons. It was a household where severalfriends lived, almost a flophouse. A middle-aged single mom owned the house,and was taking rent from all the teens she allowed to move in. Most of thesekids were nearly homeless, and this was a welcome, viable option for them. Oneof the people I met there was my future husband.

Wolsey was a damn cute punk rock girl, at the time. She wasa sassy smoker, drinker and very alternative in her outlook. She had thatintensity you only see in movies. She was something between a hard-rocking JoanJett and a manic pixie dream girl. Strangely enough, even with all that, sheseemed to like me and wanted to hang out.

Over the next couple of years, she ended up dating my bestfriend, Doug. I was pretty shy and had run away from a few different girls thathad approached me with my Dungeons & Dragons books as a shield. It wasntmuch different with Wolsey when she showed interest in me.

Funny enough, Wolsey wasthe one who enjoyed playing Dungeons & Dragons with me the most. Her toughexterior was captivating as she role-played a cleric full of healing. Shereally wanted to help tell a story which was unlike all my male friends, whojust liked to kill everything they encountered in my games. Even Doug wouldgive both of us a hard time for liking the story-telling aspect of the game. Ishould have known that this was a good thing since Wolsey and I continue toplay these kinds of games 30 years later.

With Wolsey dating Doug, at the time, I was around her a lotmore. She became my best friend, while Doug drifted off into a world I didntwant to follow. I would be lying if I didnt say I had a mad crush on her for along time. We would wander off by ourselves while her boyfriend decided to hangout at home, and I just liked spending time with her. I had no expectations shewould date me. I just felt like she was a really good friend.

It was sometime duringthis time period that my parents met Wolsey. They already knew Doug, and hebrought her over, and they liked her. For a time, Wolsey lived a half a blockdown from my family and my father went over to borrow the phone regularly. Thatis when he noticed that Wolsey, who was presenting as a woman at that point,was cute, and seemed to be focused on me. This went on for a while, wheneventually my mom and dad asked how serious Wolsey and Doug were as a couple,and that they thought Wolsey would be perfect for me. I could not take thesuggestion seriously because Wolseyand Doug were my friends and dating eachother. I also just couldnt believe that she was interested in me like that.

Eventually Wolsey and Doug broke up, and Wolsey asked me tomeet her for coffee. I freaked out. I wanted to be with Wolsey, but I waspositive she didnt feel that way about me so I ditched her... at least twice.I look back now, and I cant help but think I was such an idiot. At the time, Ifelt there was no way in the world someone as cool as Wolsey would want me andthat I would just be making her uncomfortable.