Amye Archer - If I Dont Make It, I Love You

Copyright 2019 by Amye Archer and Loren Kleinman

Copyright 2019 Foreword by Fred Guttenberg

Copyright 2019 Introduction by Roger S. Friedman, PhD

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Daniel Brount

Cover photo by Getty Images

ISBN: 978-1-5107-4649-7

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-4650-3

Printed in China

Were all survivors. Even those not at the school that day.
We all had to find a way to heal.

ALICIA GRAVES was the former editor in chief at Umpqua Community Colleges (UCC) student-run newspaper, The Mainstream . She was working on a class paper when the shooting at UCC took place at Snyder Hall.

Complete digital archive for If I Dont Make It, I Love You available at www.ifidontmakeitthebook.com .
Archive includes additional images and essays not
represented in the book, including a corresponding
discussion guide for educators.

CONTENTS

New River Community College at the New River Valley Mall /
Christiansburg, VirginiaApril 12, 2013

Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (Virginia Tech)/
Blacksburg, VirginiaApril 16, 2007

North Valley Jewish Community Center /
Granada Hills, CaliforniaAugust 10, 1999

Bard College at Simons Rock /
Great Barrington, MassachusettsDecember 14, 1992

THE FINAL SECONDS

by Fred Guttenberg

MY DAUGHTER, JAIME, was killed at Marjory Stoneman Douglas (MSD) High School in Parkland, Florida, on February 14, 2018. What I remember of that day was the typical morning chaos: the kids bustling past my wife and me, a rushed breakfast, the dogs barking, trying to get ready for work myself. Still running late. But its what I cant remember about that morning that haunts me. Did I tell my kids I loved them as they ran out the door? Did I stop to tell Jaime I loved her? Jesse, my son? It wasnt supposed to be the last time. I sent two kids to school that day; only one of them came home.

The day after Jaimes murder I attended a vigil in Parkland. I spoke at the mayors request. While I didnt prepare, I had a lot I needed to say. I told the crowd at the vigil I felt broken. But I realized I wasnt alone in my brokenness. I realized that people would help me heal. Its the greatness of people that gives me the strength and inspiration to move forward.

Jaime was the strongest person I knew, and she fought for her life until the last second. She ran down the hall from an active shooter until a single gunshot ended her life. I dont know if she died instantly or if she suffered, but I think about her final seconds every second of my life.

Grief doesnt get easier. Even with time. Im reminded every holiday, on Mothers Day, Fathers Day, birthdays, and through the echo of dance recitals that Jaime isnt here. But Ive learned so much about myself since her death. Im strong and resilient. And I learned the same is true for those affected by gun violence. Ive seen communities come together before Congress fighting for change. Ive seen networks of survivors comforting one another through grief. Ive heard parents, siblings, and friends of the murdered share their stories over and over again. Ive watched this current generation march to end gun violence. My lifes purpose and mission now is to fight to reduce gun violence in our country. To prevent this from happening to another parents child.

In this collection of stories, you will meet people like me: parents grieving their child. You will meet students who just made it, friends who survived, teachers who acted, and the families and communities who supported them. One thread holds these stories together: resilience. Since Jaimes death, I have been welcomed into and surrounded by a community whose strength I could never have imagined. The resilience of this community can never be broken. We will continue to fight. We are parents. We are sons and daughters. We are students. We are teachers. We are friends. We are the change. And these are our stories.

Fred and Jaime Guttenberg. To donate in Jaimes memory,
please visit orangeribbonsforjaime.org.

INTRODUCTION

by Roger S. Friedman, PhD

IN THE FIFTY-TWO years since a sniper calmly took the elevator to the top of the University of Texas Library Tower in Austin in 1966, shot and killed fourteen people, and wounded thirty-one others, more than seventy mass shootings have occurred on Americas school grounds and university campuses. This new form of public human disaster has resulted in hundreds of deaths, many more wounded and countless traumatized surviving family members, first responders, police officers, and witnesses. The frequency of such tragedies has increased since 1996, with twenty-nine multi-victim shootings occurring in just the past fifteen years. You dont have to be a combat veteran to be exposed to violent trauma in America. Hardly. We have learned a dreadful lesson this past half century, that trauma can occur in formerly safe and even sacred public spaces, and any of us, including our friends, neighbors, and our kids, can be victims.

If I Dont Make it, I Love You pulls together, for the first time, the voices of several generations of survivors from twenty-one school shootings beginning with Santa Fe High School in Santa Fe, Texas on May 18, 2018 and concluding with August 1, 1966 at the University of Texas, at Austin. The book includes first-person narratives from Columbine High School, Sandy Hook Elementary School, Virginia Tech University, Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, and from lesser reported tragedies at New River Community College, Thurston High, and Bard College at Simons Rock, among others. There are over eighty contributors, including students who have escaped shootings in their own schools, parents who have lost children, children who have lost parents, teachers who have lost students, writers and journalists covering these events, gun violence advocates, and doctors offering medical treatment. These original narratives, some describing experiences just weeks after shootings and some reflecting after decades, provide vivid personal documentation of how trauma affects child and adult survivorsand how human beings, over generations, find ways to lead their lives in the face of haunting traumatic memories and troubling real-time reminders. These brave storytellers describe in great detail the steps forward and backward that occurred in their varied journeys of recovery and the range of strategies theyve used to cope with making meaning of the trauma theyve experienced.