Burtka David - Raising my rainbow: adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son

Lori Duron, a writer of extraordinary generosity, has given us a guide to parenthood both gentle and revolutionary. Raising My Rainbow is a valuable resource not only for parents of gender-nonconforming children, but for readers everywhere who seek the courage to stand up for the ones they love. Fierce, wise, and illuminating.

Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of Shes Not There and Stuck in the Middle with You

Because of Loris courage, there is now an answer when searching for how to parent a child who is gender fluid, gender nonconforming, transgender, gay, or whatever label you use. This book is a wonderfully authentic read that will bring depth, joy, and understanding to parents, extended families, and anyone seeking to learn how parents can and do love gender-creative children. To acceptance!

Cheryl Kilodavis, author of My Princess Boy

[A]n optimistic and delightful memoir Durons call for compassion should be heeded by educators, caregivers, and neighborsan open heart, a desire to listen and learn, and a willingness to accommodate go a long way in doing well by someone who differs from your expectations.

Publishers Weekly, starred review

A powerful book at the right time.

Andy Cohen, author of Most Talkative

It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a gender-creative parent to create a gender-creative child. Lori Duron is just one of those parents, and Raising My Rainbow is a must-read for the entire village. Beautifully written, humorous, and deeply open and self-reflective, this book, the first of its kind, gives us a window into a mothers joys, pain, and courage raising a child who goes against the binary gender grain of our society. This is not only an outstanding book, it is a big step forward in making it a better world for all of us.

Diane Ehrensaft, author of Gender Born, Gender Made

I fell in love with this. Lori Duron has written a very important book, and as an author she is extremely generous in sharing the story of her family and in particular her own journey which made her realize that her job regarding her son is to not change him but to love him. Duron and her husband and older son beautifully rise to every challenge C.J.s gender creativity presents to them. As a reader, I felt privileged to witness their journey.

Lesla Newman, author of The Boy Who Cried Fabulous, Heather Has Two Mommies, and October Mourning

Lori Duron has painted an exquisite picture of the complex journey that is raising a gender-diverse child. In chronicling her familys transformation from confusion to fear, to acceptance, and ultimately to fierce pride, she has provided an unwavering celebration of her childs gender self-determination. Not just a book for families with gender-nonconforming children, Raising My Rainbow is a wonderful resource for all parents committed to honoring children for who they are.

Joel Baum, director of Education and Training, Gender Spectrum

Laugh-out-loud funny, tug-at-the-heartstrings moving, and thoroughly thought provoking, Raising My Rainbow is a must-read for anyone who has ever worried that their childor a child that they knowmight be perceived as different from or other than.

Jody M. Huckaby, executive director of PFLAG National

The names and identifying characteristics of many of the people mentioned in this book have been changed to protect their privacy.

Copyright 2013 by Lori Duron

All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Broadway Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com

BROADWAY BOOKS and its logo, B\D\W\Y,
are trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Duron, Lori.
Raising my rainbow : adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son /
Lori Duron.
1. Parents of gays. 2. Child rearing. 3. Child psychology. I. Title.
HQ759.9145 .D87 2013
306.874dc23 2012042444

eISBN: 978-0-7704-3771-8

Cover design by Lynn Buckley
Cover photograph: Mike Flippo
Author photograph: Rebecca Dever

v3.1

For Matt

And for C.M., C.J., and M.L.

We first found out about Raising My Rainbow while discussing our twins and their development with some friends. It was the type of conversation that new parents have all the time. Mostly, these discussions revolve around retelling stories of our toddlers silly antics, showing off their latest and very nuanced finger-painting accomplishments (we cant help but be proud), or if were really lucky, unveiling some new development in stroller-folding technology that is guaranteed to free up more trunk space for our double diaper bags. Why are strollers so big?

But, in truth, we scour these seemingly breezy conversations for any sign of parenting expertise we may have missed. Its our way of soothing the nagging fear that some critical information on child rearing has been overlooked, despite our reading a myriad of books on child raising, scrolling the Internet for product recalls till 2:00 a.m., grilling our parents for the wisdom of the ages, and seeking the advice of doctors at the slightest sniffle. Like many, we are parents who want answers for everything.

So, we began reading the Raising My Rainbow blog. Mostly out of curiosity at first. After all, neither of our children had demonstrated any signs of wanting to push gender boundaries. In fact, quite the opposite was true. Harper loves dresses and hairstyles. Gideon wants to take everything apart to see how it works. Our kids seemed comfortable in this regard and, except that none of Gideons cars have wheels on them, we were too. So, we decided to accept our living room as a miniature auto body shop and moved on.

But we kept reading the blog (and later the book youre sure to pick up and wont be able to put down). We were struck by the stories about C.J. As far as we know, Raising My Rainbow is the first book published by a parent of a gender nonconforming child. We became enthralled by the challenges he and his parents face, which are so different than ours. We admired their bravery for striking out into uncharted territory and wondered if maybe it was the bravery of little C.J. that gives them that strength. After all, theres something inherently powerful and beautiful about a childs natural unobstructed instincts for play and creativity. We see it in our own children every day. But it also takes a lot of consideration to know how to best balance a childs instincts with the need to guide and protect them. Its our role as parents. We were fascinated with the daring balance C.J.s family chose to strike and empathized with their fear of not knowing what the outcome of their parenting choices would be.

But, beyond being fascinated with this family and awed by their level of communication and trust, that nagging blip was still there on our baby radar, searching for that missing kernel of knowledge. What was the takeaway for us?

Then it hit us. Despite how unique this books story is, in it we found a commonality that all families share. We all want whats best for our children. We are all desperate to make the right decisions for them, often in the face of a lot of very serious unknowns. We may not all agree with each others choices, but in the end, we share one thing: we would give anything, absolutely anything, to see them grow up happy and healthy.