Chapman - The 5 love languages: singles edition

2004, 2009, 2014, 2017 by
GARY D. CHAPMAN

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982, 1992 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

2017 edition edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse
Interior design: Smartt Guys design
Cover design: Faceout Studios
Cover photo: Boone Rodriguez (boonerodriguez.com)
Author photo: P. S. Photography

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Chapman, Gary D.
The 5 love languages singles edition / by Gary Chapman.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-8024-1140-2
1. Single peopleReligious life. 2. LoveReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4596.S5C46 2004
248.84dc22
2004006514

ISBN: 978-0-8024-1481-6

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To the many singles who have shared with me their relationship struggles and joys. May this book bring more joy and less struggle.

M any strands of influence have intertwined to produce this book. First, I was greatly influenced by those singles who read my original 5 Love Languages book for married couples and encouraged me to write a sequel for singles. Without their encouragement I would never have begun the journey.

The second strand of influence was the scores of singles who shared with me their encounters with love, or the lack of love, which shaped their lives. Their stories keep this book from being an academic treatise. I have wept and danced with them, and I hope the reader will experience both the pain and the excitement of love. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals, but their stories are true.

The words and paragraphs were keyboarded by Tricia Kube and Martha Jones. Tricia has been my administrative assistant for more than twenty years, and Martha has been my valuable part-time assistant. Kay Tatum was the computer guru who pulled all the technical strands together and wove the individual chapters into a manuscript. Without the help of these three dedicated ladies, the words of this book would still be rolling around in my head.

Shannon Warden has served as my research assistant. She spent numerous hours interviewing singles and helping me weave their stories into the fabric of the love-language mosaic. She also produced the love language profile found in the conclusion of the book. I deeply appreciate her contribution.

The Northfield Publishing team has done their usual job of encouraging me in the project. Randall Payleitner and Jim Vincent assisted me greatly in their editorial suggestions. Thanks to Bailey Utecht for her research updates. Greg Thornton and Bill Thrasher believed in the project from the beginning and encouraged me to take the five love languages message to singles. The entire publishing team is committed to helping singles have loving relationships. Their personal interest in the book has motivated me to keep weaving the strands.

In releasing this new edition, I want to thank Betsey Newenhuyse for her editorial expertise and Connor Sterchi for supplying the appendix dealing with online dating. Each of them has enhanced this updated edition.

As always, my wife, Karolyn, has been supportive of this project. She has worked with me through the years as we have sought to develop friendships with singles. Our lives have been greatly enriched from these relationships. It is our hope that this book will encourage singles to pursue love above all else, knowing that to pursue love is to pursue God.

W hen I wrote The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, I never dreamed its message would spark such a response. Total sales are now more than 10 million copies. Each year the book has sold more copies than the year before. The 5 Love Languages has been translated into fifty foreign languages around the world.

I have been asked on many occasions to explain its phenomenal success. The only answer I have is that its message focuses on our deepest emotional need: the need to feel loved. For married couples, it provides the insights and practical tools for keeping emotional love alive in a marriage. Thousands of couples have indicated that the idea of the five love languages brought new life to their marriage.

Because the book was written specifically to married couples, I did not anticipate that numerous single adults would also read it. I often encounter single adults like Jill, who said, I know you wrote The 5 Love Languages for married couples, but I want you to know that it has greatly helped me in all of my relationships. I meet singles like Nathan, a senior in college, who told me, I never understood my roommate until I read your book. Youve got to write a version of The 5 Love Languages for single adults. And so, my motivation for writing this edition comes from the many, many single adults who have expressed these same needs and desires.

Though my writing and counseling have focused primarily on marriage and family, I continually find myself right in the middle of a culture alive with single adults. Years ago, I started a single-adult ministry in the church that I attend and where I have served as a counselor for many years. For nine years I immersed myself in the joys and struggles of single adults. We did all kinds of fun stuff together, living life alongside one another. Some of the small groups were focused more on growth for people who were doing well and we had support groups for those who were going through more difficult times. It was during these times of growth and support that I was able to spend hundreds of hours in individual counseling with single adults who faced an array of emotional and relational issues. That ministry is still a thriving part of our church family today.

Married or single, young or old, every human has the emotional need to feel loved. When this need is met, we move out to reach our potential for God and our potential for good in the world. However, when we feel unloved, we struggle just to survive. I am deeply convinced that the truths in this book will enable single adults to learn the skills that lead to loving and being loved.