Atta - I Am Nobodys Nigger

I Am Nobodys Nigger Dean Atta is a writer and performance poet. He has been commissioned to write poems for the Damilola Taylor Trust, Keats House Museum, National Portrait Gallery, Tate Britain and Tate Modern. Dean won the 2012 London Poetry Award and was named as one of the most influential LGBT people by the Independent on Sunday Pink List 2012. He is an ambassador for the Spirit of London Awards for Achievement through the Arts. He lives in London. Rappers, when you use the word nigger, remember Thats one of the last words Stephen Lawrence heard So dont tell me its a reclaimed word I am nobodys nigger So please, let my ancestors rest in peace Not turn in their graves in Jamaican plantations Or the watery graves of the slave trade Thrown overboard into middle passage Just for insurance claims They were chained up on a boat As many as they could manage and stay afloat Stripped of dignity and all hope Awaiting their masters and European names But the sick and the injured were dead weight to toss And Lloyds of London would cover that cost I am nobodys nigger So you can tell Weezy and Drake That they made a mistake I am nobodys nigger now So you can tell Kanye and Jigga I am not a nigger... in Paris Im not a nigger in London Im not a nigger in New York Im not a nigger in Kingston Im not a nigger in Accra Or a nigger with attitude in Compton Cos I dont wanna be called yo nigga How were you raised on Public Enemy And still became your own worst enemy? You killed hip-hop and resurrected headless zombies That cant think for themselves or see where theyre going Or quench the blood lust because theres no blood flowing In their hearts, just in the streets They dont give a damn as long as they eating Their hearts aint beating, theyre cold as ice (bling) Cos they would put money over everything Money over self-respect or self-esteem Or empowering the youth to follow their dreams Stacking paper cos its greater than love it seems Call me nigger cos youre scared of what brother means To know that we share something unspeakable To know that as high as we rise we are not seen as equal To know that racism is institutional thinking And that nigger is the last word you heard before a lynching. My people are many and few Subdivisions of me and you Substantial people sometimes called subhuman Negroes, faggots and all the youts dem Dont think your rights came overnight So many people had to fight To gain anything like equality We aint there yet but were gonna be Institutions instigate internal indignation We, brought up and betrayed by this nation Isms and schisms of my Babylon home Have held this king back from his throne But you can fight the system from within Yes you can befriend sinners and still not sin See me, I went to university Not even the first in my family Im from a long line of scholars Trace me back to Greece and Africa Through Cyprus and Jamaica I dont write to be pretentious But my vocab and vision leave you defenceless Trying hard to avoid the clichs But everything worth sayings been said these days Im ironic and yet Im so on it So if you wanna test me, let me hear your phonics Im not a battle emcee; Im a community defender Young, black and gay, you best remember. There is a revolution awaiting warriors I recognise many righteous soldiers I will fight with you or alone Like the king I am reclaim my throne Me nah wait for your recognition Me jus fire upon you with verbal ammunition Me, One, I speak for myself And nobody else Every one of you has a voice To speak or not, it is your choice But silence is not golden Silence is the truth stolen And stealing of the truth Is exactly what dem do to the youts Miseducation relative deprivation Mislead young minds motivation Dealers, hustlers living bullet time Their lives could end in the space of a rhyme They get all the attention While the good them get no mention Young boys growing up with no direction No protection on his erection Sowing his seeds But not fulfilling their needs Young girls left to raise children alone No job and kicked out of home On the benefit system Where you fill in forms and no one listens Please listen up when I speak How many homeless you seen this week? Begging for change I said begging for change Dont just be a sympathiser See through the mist, be a realiser See what has been done To brother, sister, daughter, son The revolution a go come The revolution begins with one But one is much stronger If he listens to those whove lived longer Listen to the wisdom of the elders Dem want fi tell you if you want to know Whens the last time you saw your grandma or grandfather Its time to go With an open mind and loving soul As a community, as a whole Theres so much to be told You think dem lost it cos dem got old No, dem just stopped sharing Cos you done stopped caring If you are now prepared to hear Revolution may begin this year Go forth with what you have been told Tell young girl shes worth more than gold Tell young boy what a mans about The truth nah whisper, the truth does shout We are the revolution We are the solution We hold the key And it begins with you and me We are the revolution We are the solution We hold the key And it begins with unity. Were living in a fatherless nation Where dads up and leave without hesitation The seeds are sown but the house aint a home Because the kids are left feeling alone He is the void in my heart He is the reason I cry He is the wellspring of my pain I used to wish he would die He is the one who cheated me He is the one who refused me He is the one who rejected me How could he want to lose me? He is always in my thoughts I think he not who he should be He is nothing to me Yet without him I never would be When faced with my eventual confrontation He made his final declaration Though Id played out this scenario a million times before Im still left with this wound, scabbed over but still sore See, I could not ask for any more of a conclusive response I had hoped to hear sorry but it was not uttered once A cold and calculated ruthless reply Is what I got after years of asking why This call was inevitable he had time to prepare some lies Im glad he could not see the tears fall from my eyes As telecommunicated words impaled me one by one He can imagine he was talking to a mature, grown-up son Breaking an abandoned boy who prayed he would come Back to fulfil a vital role in this boys life and no longer run Away from the most important job a man could ever boast Does world no longer know what matters most? To give life is natural; to take life is wrong To nurture life that you create is what should be done He does not believe in what people say he should be He lives and dies by his mistakes except his biggest me It makes it worse when Im told Im just like he In arrogance and creativity we have an affinity Sharing something is better than having nothing at all Still there are times when I wish he would visit or call Watching the door til he comes home Waiting for he to call me on the phone Anticipating he will rescue me from feeling alone Watching he leave me for the last time Waiting for he like in a dole-cheque line Anticipating approval from he will be mine Watching the space where he never stood Its like waiting for bad to convert to good Anticipating that he one day could Come back, though I doubt he ever should The absence of he caused me so much pain I could not bear to share his surname I refuse to be the legacy of he Im what I managed to be, in spite of he There are others like he and others like me So lets not allow a looping history Fathers, be there for your creations Help rebuild the fatherless nations. This is not supposed to be therapy I go to therapy on Wednesdays Being on stage is my getaway Or hitting the dancefloor on a Saturday I try to stay home on Sundays Cos if Im lucky my mum makes Sunday lunch Roast chicken and potatoes, rice and peas And, Mummy? Dont forget the plantain! Yes, I know, she spoils me Im supposed to be happy Because most would be if they were this lucky Im supposed to be the one living his dreams The one that they envy and aspire be like Im supposed to inspire but I cry out Im supposed to give hope but Im so full of doubt Im supposed to know exactly what Im doing And precisely where Im going Because I am a leader... right? Im supposed to have the answer Or at least ask the right questions Im supposed to be cruising in the fast lane But I feel so pedestrian He gave me this notebook to write in Im not supposed to tell anyone But fuck what Im supposed to do Ive always done what Im supposed to I was supposed to get my GCSEs, A Levels and a degree Check one, check two and, yes, check three A whole bunch of Bs and Cs and a 2:1 in my degree English and Philosophy What else was I equipped to be but some kind of writer Well Im pretty good with kids, I coulda been a teacher But even my favourite at school, Mr Rattigan, told me Never...! Ever...! Become a teacher. right? Im supposed to have the answer Or at least ask the right questions Im supposed to be cruising in the fast lane But I feel so pedestrian He gave me this notebook to write in Im not supposed to tell anyone But fuck what Im supposed to do Ive always done what Im supposed to I was supposed to get my GCSEs, A Levels and a degree Check one, check two and, yes, check three A whole bunch of Bs and Cs and a 2:1 in my degree English and Philosophy What else was I equipped to be but some kind of writer Well Im pretty good with kids, I coulda been a teacher But even my favourite at school, Mr Rattigan, told me Never...! Ever...! Become a teacher.