Boothman - How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less

by Nicholas Boothman

WORKMAN PUBLISHING NEW YORK

Copyright 2004, 2009 by Nicholas Boothman

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproducedmechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopyingwithout written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

This work was originally published in hardcover in 2004 as How to Make Someone Love You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.

eISBN 9780761175124

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We are each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another.
Luciano de Crescenzo

Dedication

Its one thing to write about something, its another to live it. Thats why I dedicate this book to Wendy, for her sage collaboration, and to our grown-up children, Joanna, Thomas, Sandy, Kate, and Pippa, for opening my eyes to more aspects of love, romance, and broken hearts than most Hollywood screenwriters could ever imagine!

This is a simple book about a complicated subject. It could never have come into being without the cooperation of the thousands of people who let me pry into their personal worlds and discover how, specifically, love unfolded for themI thank you all for your generosity.

I am indebted to Lori Moffatt, Laura Schaefer, and Nicholas Gianone for their generous professional advice; and to Leigh Bateman, Dawn Bedford, George Billard, Sarah King, Laura Silverman, Carolyn Van Humbeck, John Walker, and Scott Wilder for their hands-on experience. I am deeply grateful to Martha Flach Wilkie and Lori Speed, for their creative input and support.

My gratitude goes to Kim Small, Suzie Bolotin, Cassie Murdoch, Beth Levy, Janet Vicario, Barbara Peragine, Pat Upton, Paul Hanson, Jenny Mandel, David Schiller, Peter and Carolan Workman, and all the lovely souls at Workman Publishingthe classiest group you could ever meetfor their support, sincerity, and sense of humor.

Finally, my deep respect goes to my editor, Margot Herrera, for catching yet another thousand thoughts in flight and letting them wing their way into these pages.

Nicholas Boothman, author of How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, learned how to establish instant rapport with strangers while working as a fashion and advertising photographer. A licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, he is a consultant to individuals, groups, and corporations who want to learn the communication skills needed to connect with others. He lives outside of Toronto.

part 1
GET READY

The first steps toward falling in love are knowing yourself and finding the person who will complete you.

the architecture of love love by chance love by design theres someone for everyone

the principle of completion key feelingsthe forever component matched opposites know yourself first mutual enthusiasm

the art of socializing the two key rules socializing action plan excuses, excuses theres no rejection, only selection

the players targeting the right sites creating a captivating profile the pros and cons e-mail dos and donts the meeting

part 2
GET SET

Fine-tune your people skills so that when you meet your matched opposite, you are ready to connect.

its all about attitude actions speak louder than words standing tall, feeling terrific poise, pace, and posture the seven keys to dressing well

using body language to build trust eye contact, a smile, and an open stance engineering introductions introducing yourself free information

for the brave, the direct approach soft questions and influential suggestions the indirect approach asking for a date

part 3
GO!

Put it all togethermove from connection to intimacy to love in 90 minutes or less.

good questions and attentive listening looking for me too triggers getting in synchmatching and mirroring hunting for common ground

promise-withdraw the principle of scarcity opening lines public, social, and private flirting sexual innuendo sensory preferences

sharing yourself through self-disclosure low-, medium-, and high-risk revelations conversational road map incidental touching knowing when to put on the brakes

letting go, having faith you dont have to say I love you right away the importance of romance putting it all together

Can you really kindle the flames of love in 90 minutes or less? It sounds crazy and shallowor does it? When I published my first book, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, people thought it was crazy and shallow too, until they learned that we actually decide whether or not we like people in the first two seconds of seeing them. By the time 90 seconds have passed, you can be well on your way to turning a first impression into a lasting relationship, be it for friendship, business, or romance. Whether they are aware of it or not, so-called socially gifted peopleyou know, those people who can just walk into a room full of strangers and strike up a compelling conversation with anyonesend out signals with their bodies and speak in ways that make other people immediately like, trust, and feel comfortable with them. Once you know what they do and how they do it, you can create that kind of first impression too.

In friendship and business, this precious 90 seconds can have you off to a flying start. Given the right circumstances, with both of you sending certain signals and talking in a certain way at the right time, it can also be a prelude to love, taking you from attraction to connection to intimacy to commitment. For a small percentage of couples, these events unfold almost instantaneously, causing them to fall in love at first sight. Most couples intuitively sense the process but have to fumble their way through by trial and error beforeweeks, months, or sometimes even years laterthey finally click. But the process doesnt have to be so protractedand you dont have to leave it to chance.

In order to write this book, I analyzed almost two thousand romantic relationshipsfrom couples who fell in love at first sight to those who were friends for years before becoming romantically involved. I spoke to couples whod been together for 50 years and teenagers whod been passionately in love for a few months. I interviewed past and present partners of the same men and women to discover what they got wrong the first time, what they learned from their experiences, and how they got it right with their new partners. I talked with people who had lost partners to illness or accidents, and had believed they could never love again until circumstance brought new love into their lives. I gave seminars and workshops to test the ideas in this book, and as a consequence got invited to weddings. I have known and worked with desperately insecure and physically disadvantaged folk who, miracle of miracles, found enduring romance beyond their wildest dreams even after they had given up all hope. This latter group reinforced something I have always known: There is someone for everyone and they often find each other when they least expect it.