Cantorna - Refocusing my family: coming out, being cast out, and discovering the true love of God

I am one of millions who raised their children on Dr. James Dobsons parenting principles. I am also one of the millions of Christians who would have been counted among Dobsons army of evangelical voices speaking to our nations political powers about the decay of moral and family structure in the culture. While I long ago left the grip of manipulation, exaggerations, and hypocrisy sourced with Dobson and the Focus on the Family organization, Amber grew up in the midst of it. She gives her readers an intimate perspective of her Dobson-esque family with the imposed stress for imagined Christian perfection. Her memoir of the damage along with the struggle to survive and overcome the toxic grip of her family is worthy of reading.

Kathy Baldock, founder and executive director of Canyonwalker Connections, author of Walking the Bridgeless Canyon

Focus on the Family has had an immeasurable impact on the Christian family. This organization that has been embraced across denominational lines has long set the standard of what a Christian family ought to look like. Unfortunately, the ideologies of this organization everything from how purity culture is taught to its rejection of LGBTQ identitieshave caused untold damage to so many of its adherents. In Refocusing My Family, Amber Cantorna is able to share honestly about her own struggles of growing up within the organization. Through these pages, she lifts the covers off of harmful practices to bring much needed nuance to the Christian faith. Amber is a remarkable testament of how God was able to break the spiritual and mental chains that had kept her from being her true self. I hope and pray this book is widely read.

Danny Cortez, copastor of New Heart Community Church, Whittier, California

Ambers book, Refocusing My Family, crystallizes the unique journey of LGBTQ people who have conservative, evangelical parents and families. Her intense fight for love and life itself is on every page of this important, life-giving book. A must-read!

Susan Cottrell, author of Mom, Im Gay, founder and president of FreedHearts

Amber writes a courageous deep dive into her experience in and out of the closet. Her memoir, Refocusing My Family, will help many young people struggling to live an authentic life. Her words touch the heart and offer hope.

Gayani DeSilva, MD, author of A Psychiatrists Guide: Helping Parents Reach Their Depressed Tween

You will cry and you will cheer as Amber Cantorna shares her journey of overcoming tremendous difficulties in order to live her life authentically while still honoring her core values and beliefs. Refocusing My Family is the kind of story that has the power to change the world into a kinder, safer, more loving place for all of us to live.

Liz Dyer, founder and owner of Serendipitydodah for Moms (a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids)

Conservative, evangelical Christianity cannot come to terms with the stubborn fact that 3 to 5 percent of the human family is LGBTQ. They have cornered themselves into a place where accepting this fact is theologically impossible. Therefore, when one of their own children turns out to be a part of this sexual/gender minority, it creates an extraordinary crisis for families, churches, and, above all, for the LGBTQ person. Amber Cantorna has survived this crisis. But it was a near thing. Her story is equally tragic and inspiring. It is tragic that her physical, emotional, and spiritual survival comes at the cost of her relationship with her Focus on the Family parents. But she has made the right choice. I applaud her courage, I pray for her flourishing, and I hope that within our lifetime, stories like hers will no longer have to be told.

David Gushee, president of the Society of Christian Ethics, president-elect of the American Academy of Religion

I have spent my professional life as a storyteller. I have had the great pleasure of meeting and working with so many people from across a broad spectrum of issues and points of view. Rarely have I been as struck by a personal story as I have by Ambers. Hers is a story of redemption in a world that requires people to live in confined boxes. In our current political and social climate, her story resonates, opens eyes, and proves that Christs love is bigger than those who try to control it.

Patrick Jager, CEO of CORE Innovation Group, award-winning television producer

At once both intimate and deeply affecting, Amber Cantornas moving memoir powerfully unpacks the shame and self-loathing so often felt by those caught in the crosshairs of conservative Christianity and sexual identity. Her ultimate redemption comes when she is finally able to step beyond the confines of her Focus on the Family upbringing to find unconditional love among her new chosen family. A must read!

Daniel Karslake, director/producer of For the Bible Tells Me So and For They Know Not What They Do

The all-too-common practice of rejecting LGBTQ children from their Christian families is a religious tragedy Amber Cantorna has experienced firsthand. Yet, exiled from her family home, Amber clung to the assurance of things hoped for. Thank you, Amber, for sharing what it is like to walk the gay Christian crucible of faith toward dignity, healing, and most miraculous of alllove.

Jennifer Knapp, Dove Award winning artist, singer/ songwriter/author, founder of Inside Out Faith Foundation

In our family, we focus on two core things: being brave and being kind. After reading Refocusing My Family, it is clear to me that Amber must be the sister I never had. The sheer bravery she displaysnot just in telling this story, but first in living it outis astounding. It is matched only by the kindness she showsboth to herself and to the family that rejected her. May Ambers story do for you what it did for me: teach me that it will only be through the stories of the marginalized that the church has hope for finding the healing it so desperately needs.

Colby Martin, author of UnClobber: Rethinking Our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality

Literally millions of us trusted James Dobson and Focus on the Family to guide us in raising the ideal Christian family. Amber Cantornas book, Refocusing My Family, pulls back the curtain and reveals the real-life realities behind Focuss books, purity rings, and radio shows. I hope that todays young parents who are part of the evangelical community will allow Ambers story to guide them into a better way of parenting, so they can discover a more authentic way of being Christiansand human beings, too.

Brian D. McLaren, author of The Great Spiritual Migration

In Refocusing My Family, Amber Cantorna gives us the privilege of stepping into her remarkable story; one she tells with clarity, vulnerability, and great courage. It is a raw and unflinching walk through the treacherous minefield of being both gay and Christian in a world that tells you these things are incompatible. It is at times heartbreaking and other times overflowing with hope, as all our stories arewhich is the point. In Refocusing My Family, Amber reminds us that our desire to be known and loved is universal. Step into her story and you will surely find yours as well.

John Pavlovitz, author of A Bigger Table: Building Messy, Authentic, and Hopeful Spiritual Community

Refocusing My Family is as much a harrowing tale of one womans struggle to swim up to the surface as it is an indictment of the deadening consequences of bad religion that holds people under in the name of all things holy.

Mark Tidd, founder and copastor of Highlands Church, Denver, Colorado