Dr. Dale Vicky Atkins - Sanity Savers

There is not a woman alive who cant use a bit of sanity saving. We often do too much. We think a lot about what we do, care what others think, and wonder how our actions affect everyone else in our lives. Its tiring just thinking about it.

Years ago, many years ago, I began thinking about the idea of Sanity Savers in the context of just getting through dailymake that hourlylife in healthy ways. It seemed to me that the women I met in my life and in my psychology practice were often out of balance, unaware that they were even seeking a way to find equilibrium in their lives. When they came upon a plan that worked it was temporaryit worked till their kids came home and began arguing, till their boss was fired and the office environment shifted, till they were diagnosed with cancer, till their mom became scarily forgetful, till their partner was laid off, till they could not juggle their work commitments and social life.

Is it possible to have balance in your life no matter what you are dealing with? Ive found that the answer is yes. Picture yourself on a seesaw. Theres a delicate balance as you and another shift ever so slightly this way and that. You marvel at the achievement. Then one of you sneezes or suddenly jumps off, and the momentary balance is gone. So it is with life.

When life and the people in it (including yourself) change, we tend to hang on tight to keep things familiar and safe. Not gonna happen. Instead, learning to sway from time to time, keeping center within your reach so deviations wont be as long or as difficult, is the way to go. Its all about balance. It just takes the willingness and awareness to want to stay balanced and a formula to put into place when life gets off kilter.

So I came up with five manageable but essential things every woman at any age needs in her life to maintain balance. I call them the Five Ss of Saving Your Sanity for whatever life is throwing at you.

Cant get along with your partner? Friends judging you for having a gay son? Feeling alone at the holidays? Need to split from your business partner? Received a scary health diagnosis? Dont like your son-in-law? Need time away from a spouse with a chronic illness? Feeling too old to get back in the dating game? Trying to get pregnant? Sharing custody and cannot have a civil conversation with your ex? Job getting stale? Discovering your spouse cheats? Caring for ill parents? Needing to spice up your sex life?

If any of these life situations rings a bell or if you have a few of your own that send you up and down the emotional seesaw, incorporate the Five Ss into your everyday life and see if you stay more even keeled:

• 1. SELF. Maintain a healthy body, mind, and spiritual connection.
• Ask yourself: How is my body reacting to this situation? Is this good for me and my well-being?
• 2. SUPPORT. Be with people in your life whom you care about and who care about you.
• Ask yourself: What do I need to do to get the help I need to get through this situation? Are my resources being drained or filled through interaction with this person?
• 3. SURROUNDINGS. Connect with nature and create a peaceful place for yourself.
• Ask yourself: How can my environment nurture and create calm? Am I keeping a fresh outlook by staying grounded in the natural world?
• 4. STIMULATION. Live a life with purpose, curiosity, and passion.
• Ask yourself: Am I keeping myself mentally engaged and challenged? Is life interesting and fulfilling?
• 5. SAVOR. Take time to be, have fun, and appreciate the gifts in your life.
• Ask yourself: Am I reflecting on the essence and joys of what this situation can bring? Am I doing the best I can do to be aware and appreciate whats happening today?

You will find that if you keep the Five Ss at the forefront of everything you do, you can survive anything that comes your way. Youll become more balanced and pay more attention to whats lacking and what changes can be made. You can transition more easily to what is next in your life. You can build up your resilience. You will be better equipped to move on to more stable ground rather than getting stuck in a place you dont want to be. And you can be stronger, more fulfilled, and lead a happier life.

But what happens when you are suddenly jolted by something? When the awkward double stroller smashes your toe and cell phones seem to be ringing wherever you are, you have a choice. You can either become a conduit for passing the irritation and aggravation you are experiencing on to others, or you can become aware of your reactions and make other choices. Its up to you.

Start by paying careful attention to the details of the present. Become aware of your breathing, how your body feels, and how you are moving through space. Intentionally slow down, carefully focusing on details, and take deep, full breaths to calm your thoughts, emotions, and body. Despite how simple this sounds, it really works. Scientists have established that among the many benefits of simple, slow breathing, we can influence our heart rate and lower our blood pressure. After you center yourself, keep working on the Five Ss.

Remember, living a balanced, sane life is a process, not a fixed state you can achieve and then forget about. The point is, to have and maintain a life in balance, you must be able to be flexible and adapt. As long as you live, new people and new circumstances will come in and out of your life. If you believe that balance requires keeping all the balls in the air at the same time and doing so brilliantly, you are requiring yourself to be a master juggler who never drops a ball. But everyone drops the ball sometimes. Maybe, instead, you can put a few balls down or appreciate that when they fall on their own, you may need to leave them there for a while to keep your sanity. Sometimes putting down a few balls is the wisest, healthiest thing you can do for yourself and for those around you.

Balance is something that should be on every womans list to achieve. It helps save your sanity! Sometimes youll hit areas on your life path that are particularly rough and difficult; other times they are relatively smooth and not too steep. In this book I present situations that are both serious and lightjust like life. You may feel as if you are losing your sanity when you are driving in traffic. You may also feel as if you are losing your sanity when you hear that your daughter must have emergency surgery. One event cannot be compared to the other. But you need healthy ways to maintain your sanity and balance as you walk through the hills and valleys of life.

You can use Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life in several different ways. Each day (Monday through Friday, and one for the weekend) involves a situation that can strain your sanity. These range from lighthearted to life-changing events. The readings, like life, are not in any particular order. Some days a situation may seem taken from the pages of your personal diary. Other days may present a circumstance you will never encounter. But your sister, best friend, or mother is dealing with that very issue. Despite the fact that you may never have to fire someone or raise a child on your own, the Sanity Saver could be worth ponderingor not. You decide.

You may, however, prefer to read several situations at once instead of one every day. Or rather than going in order, you may wish to select Sanity Savers that fall into one of the categories identified by the leaves at the top of each pageWell-Being, Parent, Single, Midlife, Work, Community, Partner, Family, and Friendsand read one of those each day. Then you can switch to another category. Whatever way you choose to use this book, the situations and the issues for each Sanity Saver will give you insight and guide you to maintain your balance and sanity whatever comes your way.