Dungy Lauren - Uncommon Marriage: Learning about Lasting Love and Overcoming Lifes Obstacles Together

As we pulled into the school parking lot, I tried to let the moment sink in.

Our twelve-year-old son, Jordan, didnt pause to think about the significance of this day, however. As he glanced at his new school, nestled in a scenic woods setting, he was anxious for me to park so that we could walk back to the sixth grade pod and join the other students waiting on the back porch.

Bye, Mom, he said before quickly giving me a kiss and taking off. As he disappeared around the corner, he yelled, Love you!

Jordan was ready for the start of sixth grade at Learning Gate Community School, itching to head inside for the latest adventure. He wasnt thinking about the doctors prognosis that he might not live long enough to reach middle school. He wasnt counting the surgeries more than thirty total that hed had since he was an infant. He wasnt fretting over the speech delay that still sometimes made finding just the right word difficult. Instead, he was eager to join the group of jumping and jostling classmates who were waiting for the bell to ring.

As Tony and I talked about Jordans first day later on, we agreed that enrolling him in a mainstream classroom was an answer to twelve years of prayer. Who knew what more lay ahead for him?

Because of Tonys career in professional football, some aspects of our lives have been visible to the public. Yet its largely the moments like this one small but full of significance to us that have defined our marriage. We believe its because of our unwavering commitment to support each other and to live out certain principles that we have enjoyed a marriage spanning more than three decades an uncommon feat in this day and age.

When Tony was coaching, we felt that one of our responsibilities was to model a strong and loving marriage to our players and staff. Now we feel ready to do that on a wider scale. Thats not to say that we have it all figured out. We dont feel like experts, and the examples and principles weve tried to follow havent resulted in a neat, tidy formula. In fact, we dont think that marriage can be captured through a formula or a to do list.

Relationships are challenging, especially because the miracle of two becoming one is such a mystery given each spouses different personalities, desires, and passions. Some days, it seems like marriage is as much about hanging on for dear life, or just trying not to make things worse.

Before we tell our own story, we have to acknowledge that the longevity of our marriage is due, in no small part, to the examples our own parents gave us. Their examples were similar in important ways, like looking to the Bible for answers, but so different in the way those values were expressed in their daily lives. That has meant, at times, we have had to work through the different examples and resulting expectations that we brought into marriage.

So often in life and in marriage, weve discovered, there isnt a clear path. After all, as the apostle James wrote, How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? (James 4:14). Instead, we walk forward, hand-in-hand, and make a path.

Looking back, we can see where weve come from and the ways in which the Lord has been present, even in those moments when we didnt know just where we were headed ourselves:

• when an anticipated career advancement didnt pan out
• when our expectations, formed as we were growing up in two very different families, clashed
• when I first moved hundreds of miles from my family
• when Tonys job demanded long workdays and extended stretches of time on the road
• when I felt blindsided by a major decision Tony made
• when our kids received extra scrutiny because of who their dad was
• when a middle-of-the night phone call plunged us unexpectedly into the fog of grief
• when we felt called to expand our family through adoption... many times.

We could go on and on. The point is this: we are convinced that there is power in story. We hope that something in our story will connect with something in yours.

Maybe youll uncover a specific takeaway for you or your spouse. Maybe something weve experienced will be a warning to you Id better not do that! Maybe youll better understand what happens when a biblical principle is lived out or isnt. Maybe youll simply experience renewed hope at the thought, If they can make it work, so can we.

Whether you are looking at the bleak remnants of a marriage that once seemed so promising, or at the fruit of a great marriage that has flourished, we hope the Lord will use this book to help and encourage you. If you feel that your marriage has hit rock bottom and youre not sure you can live another month, let alone another year, with your spouse, we strongly encourage you to get professional assistance as well. Some issues grow and fester over time, and you may need a pastor or other professional counselor to help you navigate them.