Kaufman - Happiness Is a Choice

More praise for
HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

We are all players in the game of life and this book shows you how to be a winner. Barry Neil Kaufmans new book champions making the choice to believe in ourselves, to have a positive attitude, to be hopeful and to seize the power of loving ourselves and others.

Lou Holtz
Head Football Coach
University of Notre Dame

For those who sincerely want to follow the supreme law of love, Barry Kaufmans book provides an unexpected blueprint to selfless living.

Father John Catoir
Director, The Christophers

Within these pages Kaufman unfolds a precious secret for attaining happiness and leading a more meaningful, joyful life. A wonderfully wise, warm and insightful book that is sure to reward those who read it with a richer, more balanced life.

Jesse Stoff, M.D.
Author of The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Barry Neil Kaufman has written a moving exploration of the healing power of compassion and caring. Happiness Is a Choice affirms the unlimited potential of the human spirit and offers hope to those who have been challenged by adversity.

Coretta Scott King
Founding President/CEO
The Martin Luther King, Jr., Center
for Nonviolent Social Change

ALSO BY BARRY NEIL KAUFMAN

Son-Rise
To Love Is to Be Happy With
Giant Steps
A Miracle to Believe In
The Book of Wows and Ughs
A Land Beyond Tears
A Sense of Warning
Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues

A Fawcett Book
Published by The Random House Publishing Group

Copyright 1991 by Barry Neil Kaufman

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 92-90383

Fawcett is a registered trademark and the Fawcett colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

www.ballantinebooks.com

eISBN: 978-0-307-78828-3

v3.1

To Samahria (Suzi):

Thirty years of love: youre the fountain, the fire and the inspiration it still begins with you.

To my children:

Bryn, Thea, Raun, Sage, Ravi and Tayoyou touch me so deeply; being your Popi has been my greatest joy and privilege.

Unhappiness is not inevitable.

Even when we are angry, judgmental and miserable, we have the best of intentions.

We have been systematically taught to use discomfort as a strategy to take care of ourselves.

We can un-teach ourselves and begin again.

Unhappiness is not an enemyjust a choice.

This book is not based on a moral imperative: no shoulds or should nots, just choices.

When we choose happiness, we choose love and inner peace.

When we choose love and inner peace, we help others on the planet choose it as well by our example.

We can live our dreams instead of just dreaming them.

We can make a difference!

We ARE the difference.

Rather than simply respond or react, I have learned to initiate and create many events in my life. I have also learned to take charge of my internal process and design my responses to the many unpredictable circumstances which greeted me along the way. In the last twenty years, I have come to view most of these opportunities as celebrations; some as struggles. I did the best I could, like all of us, and although I might choose to handle myself differently if the universe gave me a second opportunity with certain circumstances, I find myself greeting each new day with no regrets or embarrassment. The overwhelming sensation I feel is one of gratitude for those who have and continue to support my wife and me in our work with others.

Although we could never claim perfection in our pursuit of a happier lifestyle, we stretched ourselves continually and passionately to live more fully with a clear and prioritized intention. Then we were blessed again and again when those who came initially as strangers to our teaching center stayed for training, and then joined us to help reach out to others and create an amazingly open and loving extended family. This book reflects the possibilities that bubbled forth from that coming together which allowed us to design a sweet, supportive and challenging human laboratory where prioritizing the pursuit of happiness could be actualized. We wanted to demonstrate that personal exploration and personal growth could not only be easy, but could also be an exciting adventure. Thus, documented throughout these pages are the stories, struggles and triumphs of the many ordinary people who took giant steps in their own lives. Their giant steps rest on the shoulders of a very special and dedicated group of people.

A deep, resounding sense of appreciation for Steven and Gita Wertz, who dared to hold the torch of hope and possibility with my wife and me by joining us wholeheartedly in teaching happiness and love and working with children and families who had been given no hope. They helped make a dream and this book possible. Words can barely express the impact on my life and on the pages of this book by Bonnie Pfeiffer and Anne Bianchi, who have championed going for the gold and lavishly supported me with their love, friendship and tireless energy. My personal assistant, Kirsten Jones, tickled me daily with her childlike enthusiasm, her deep delight and unending love. She made direct contributions to supporting this effort with research and nitty-gritty input for which I will be forever grateful. Darlene Love (thats her real name) gave me evenings and weekends for months to assist in typing, retyping and loving each page to life. Warm thanks to Margaret Boydstun, who helped me fine-tune sentences, paragraphs and chapters so that I could better express what I wanted to share. I much appreciate her sensitivity, skill, enthusiasm and caring.

There are others who have lent their support and contributed directly and/or indirectly in the adventures and insights shared in this book: Melany Kahn and Antonette Toni Badamis love for this process turned into a whirlwind passion that spread these ideas throughout the country and inspired countless numbers of people to change their lives; Bryn Kaufman Hogan, who began this journey as a child trying to help her once-autistic brother, made her joy in what we teach a wondrous invitation for so many families, children and individuals to dare to find the best in themselves; Gary Skow held out his hand in love and mentored some of the people who appear on the pages of this book, and my gratitude to Jennifer Hanson, Gerd Winkler, Mecki Augustin, Jim Stevenson, Susan Abrams, Matt Koehler, Ginger Block, William Hogan, Bonnie Knight, Lorenzo Lydon, Laura Putts-Galinas, Ken and Janet Hudonjorgenson, Kathleen Sullivan, Ebo Teichmann, Nancy Judson, Najda Noonan, as well as Joan Crager, Laura Plunkett, Linda Weltner, Rob Johnstone, Chuck Blevins, Daniel Ladouceur and Murielle Matteau-Ladouceur, Real Choiniere and Jocelyna Dubuc, Marcia Goldman, Cordelia Shaw, Liz Dickinson, Elizabeth Shulman, Jeanne Coleman, Jane and Tom Welch, Nancy and Eric Suhadolc, Batya and Jordan Yasgur, Dorene Pontikes, Connie Packard, Jeri Pugh and a host of others who have had a most meaningful impact in reaching out and making their love tangible.