Bombardieri - The baby decision: how to make the most important choice of your life

Bombardieri is magic. In this book, she takes you by the hand into the depths of the scary and sometimes overwhelming baby decision and step by step, she helps you find clarity. The Baby Decision is a must read for everyone of child-bearing age.

Mara Altman, Author of Thanks for Coming, Baby Steps, and Bearded Lady

The intelligence and generosity of Bombardieris perspectives are a gift to all women and men; she deeply honors individuality while reminding us of the compassion that is all of our potential.

Bina Venkataraman, writer and climate policy expert

I am so excited about The Baby Decision. Being thirty-one, my peers are beginning to struggle with this question in a big way. When I read about the distinction between growth and safety needs, a light bulb went off over my head. You broke that down so clearly and so quickly. This is such an important book!

Katie OReilly, Journalist, memoirist, contributor to atlantic.com, BuzzFeed, and Bitch

The Baby Decision is an indispensable guide to greater awareness and freedom for anyone wrestling with one of lifes most important decisions. Bombardieri provides a lens that illuminates the architecture of healthy decision-making. Brimming with humanity and respect, informed by research and infused with clinical wisdom, this book is a gem.

Stephanie Morgan, MSW, Psy.D. Psychologist, Private Practice. Co-author, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy, and Compassion and Wisdom in Psychotherapy.

A perfect guidebook for any person making the life changing decision to have a child, or be childfree. Merle Bombardieri offers cogent, insightful, practical, and always deeply kind suggestions to help her readers make their own best decision with clarity, courage, and peace.

Deborah Rozelle, Psy.D., clinical psychologist, trauma and adoption expert; co-editor and author of Mindfulness-Oriented Interventions for Trauma: Integrating Contemplative Practices

This book is an invaluable tool for anyone making this enormous life decision... In clear and compassionate prose, The Baby Decision guides productive thought and discussion. Most important, it makes two things clear: first, its OK to feel uncertain and conflicted. And second, you CAN come to a decision and move forward.

Jenna Russell, Boston Globe reporter, co-author New York Times Bestseller, Last Lion, and Long Mile Home

Intelligent, sensitive, and exceptionally useful support to all in the process of the conscious decision making about transition to parenthood or childfree living. A tremendous contribution!

Janet Surrey, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Meditation Teacher specializing in Diversity, Mothering, Adoption, and Substance Abuse. Her latest book is The Buddhas Wife: The Path of Awakening Together

Bombardieri is a master at teasing apart the details of the decision-making process. Her thoughtful and thorough exploration of each facet of the decision-making processamong the array of parenting options, is an invaluable resource for those contemplating parenthood, and professionals who help them work through the process.

Carol Sheingold, MSW, LICSWadoption professional and bio-adoptive parent.

This book offers an accessible, doable, and empathic approach for any person struggling with the baby decision.

Phyllis B. Fitzpatrick, LICSW, Private Practice, Former Adoption Social Worker

This is the essential guide for any person or couple considering parenthood.

Kayla Sheets, Genetic Counselor, Founder of Vibrant Gene

I think the millions of young women turning the decision over in their heads could profit by reading it.... Full of sentences youll chew over and savor. Best book on the subject.

Ann Ulmschneider, Childfree Advocate

Imaginative and sensitive... Millions could profit from reading this book.

Caroline Bird, pioneering feminist economist and author of The Two-Paycheck Marriage and Born Female

This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the publication. It is sold with the understanding that the author and the publisher are not engaged in rendering medical, health, or any other kind of personal professional services in the book. The reader should consult his or her medical, health, or other competent professionals before adopting any of the suggestions in this book or drawing inferences from it.

The author and publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

Copyright 2016 by Merle A. Bombardieri

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Published by
Orchard View Press
Stow, MA 01775
www.orchardviewpress.com
Author Contact:
www.thebabydecision.com
Follow us on Twitter: @thebabydecision
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/thebabydecision

Printed in the United States
First Printing, 2016

Paperback ISBN 978-0-9975007-0-7
ePub ISBN 978-0-9975007-3-8
Kindle ISBN 978-0-9975007-2-1

Edited by Andi Cumbo-Floyd
www.andilit.com
Cover and interior design by Barbara Aronica-Buck
www.bookdesigner.com

To Rocco

The only right is what is after my constitution;
the only wrong is what is against it.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

Laura and Michael Rose have everything they could possibly want, or do they? Shes thirty-two, a successful physical therapist who also paints. Hes thirty-five, an environmental engineer and avid hiker. After eight years of marriage, Laura and Michael enjoy each other more than ever. They seem to have the perfect balance of independence and relatedness. Apart, she does yoga; he plays guitar. Together, they meditate, hike, and hang out with friends. They ski in Vermont and snorkel in the Bahamas. What more could they possibly want?

Possibly, they want a baby. But they dont know. And the question is driving them crazy.

Why cant we decide? asks Michael. Are we neurotic? Selfish? Immature? Why dont we just chuck Lauras pills and let nature take its course? Maybe things were better in the old days when contraceptives werent around. Sometimes I almost wish an accident would take us off the hook.

To make matters worse, says Laura, were not even consistent in our conflict. It isnt as if one of us wants a baby and the other doesnt. One minute Ill say to Michael, Im just chicken. Lets throw away the pills, and hell say, But what about your work? Will you still be able to paint? A few minutes later, Michael will say, Im nuts about kids. I want to be a father. Then I ask, But what about our relationship?