Briggs Stephen - Nanny Oggs Cookbook

BY THE SAME AUTHOR:

The JoyeofSnacks (banned) Mother Oggs Tales for Tiny Folk (withdrawn)

INCLUDING RECIPES, ITEMS of

Antiquarian Lore, Improving Observations of Life, Good Advice for Young People on the Threshold of the Adventure That is Marriage, Notes on Etiquette & Many Other Helpful Observations that will Not Offend the Most Delicate Sensibilities.

CORGI BOOKS

NANNY OGG'S COOKBOOK A CORGI BOOK: O 552 14673 O

Originally published in Great Britain by Doubleday, ; a division of Transworld Publishers

PRINTING HISTORY

Doubleday edition published 1999 Corgi edition published 2OO1

3579108642

Copyright Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs 1999

Illustrations Paul Kidby Recipes Tina Hannan and Stephen Briggs

The right of Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Condition of Sale

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold,

hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published

and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Typeset 11 on 15pt Class Garamond by Julia Lloyd.

Corgi Books are published by Transworld Publishers,

61-63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA,

a division of The Random House Group Ltd,

in Australia by Random House Australia (Pty) Ltd,

20 Alfred Street, Milsons Point, Sydney, NSW 2061, Australia,

in New Zealand by Random House New Zealand Ltd,

18 Poland Road, Glenfield, Auckland 10, New Zealand

and in South Africa by Random House (Pty) Ltd, Endulini, 5a Jubilee Road, Parktown 2193, South Africa.

Printed by Mackays of Chatham pic, Chatham, Kent.

CONTENTS

Preface by the Author ......

A Note from the Editors .....

Nanny Ogg's Philosophy of Cookery .

The Recipes incorporating Dwarf Cookery

17

On Etiquette ..............

NOTES ABOUT Other SpeciesRules of PrecedenceModes of AddressEtiquette at the TableSmokingSome Notes on GardeningBirthsCourtship-BallsThe Language of FlowersMarriageDeathRoyal Occasions-Etiquette in the Bedroom

Afterword

1/5

P R E FA C E

by

THE AUTHOR

NOT A DAY goes past but I'm glad I was born in Lancre. I know every inch of the place and every one of the people an' I look out over its mountains, hills, woods and valleys and I think: 'That young couple have been in that spinney rather a long time, I shall have to have a word with her mam.'

But a lot of the old ways I knew when I was a girl are passin' now. There's six oil lamps in the kingdom to my knowledge, and up at the castle they put in one of them privies that cleans 'emselves, so instead of having to dig out the pit every week my lad Shawn, who does all the jobs up there apart from kinging, now merely has to fill up the 200-gallon tank on top of the tower. That is Progress for you. Of course it all ends up in the river so what you gains in convenience you loses in compost.

All this means that these are changin' times, and that's when people go around bewildered and full of uncertainty and they turn to me, because I am agrande dame, or 'big woman' as we would say here, and ask me the questions that is puzzling them, viz., if you are givin' a dinner party, what are the issues of etiquette involved in seatin' the man who makes a living putting weasels down his

trousers at fairs, and who is therefore quite respected in these parts, next to the daughter of a man who once mugged the second son of an earl? Which is the kind of knotty problem a society hostess has to face every day, and it takes Experience not only to get it right but also to make sure there's a really soft cushion on the weasel juggler's chair, since the poor man suffers for his Art.

They ask me things like: what is the right way to address a duke? An' once again I have to point out that it is a matter of fine details, such as, if there's a gate needs holdin' open and it looks like half a dollar might be forthcoming, it's 'G'day, your gracious-ness,' whereas if you've just set fire to his ancestral piles and the mob is breakin' the windows it is more suitable to address him as 'you bloated lying blutocat!' It is all a matter of finesse.

People are coming to me all the time to ask things like, what kind of wedding anniversary d'you call it after ten years, or, is it lucky to plant beans on a Thursday. Of course, it is nat'ral for people to ask witches this sort of thing on account of us bein' the suppositories of tradition, but the younger girls I see around don't seem very keen on picking this sort of thing up, them being far too keen on candles and lucky crystals and so on. I reckon if a crystal's so lucky, how come it's ended up as a bit of rock? I don't trust all this occult, you never know who had it last.

Anyway, there's a lot more writin' around these days than there was when I was young and I thought, I will write down some of those little hints and tips which can smooth the lumpy bits on the pathway that is life. I've gone heavy on the recipes, because so much in life revolves around food. In fact good manners started to happen as soon as all the mammoths were killed off and there was no piece of food big enough for everyone to eat at the same time. A good meal is good manners.

GOgg

A N O T E

fromTHE EDITORS

GYTHA 'NANNY' OGG, the author of these works, is a renowned practitioner of that combination of practical psychology, common sense and occult engineering known as witchcraft.