Bevann Fox - Genocidal Love

Advance Praise for

genocidal love

Intimate and unflinching, Genocidal Love lays bare how residential school violence lingers in the body, eating away at lives and communities. Yet, in her vividly resilient portrayal of Myrtle, Bevann Fox tears beauty from the jaws of genocide, daring to claim love beyond settler imaginingslove that nurtures decolonial futures and makes possible a more just world. This book is an act of defiant generosity.

Sam McKegney, author of Magic Weapons and Masculindians

This is a gem of a book.Indian women need to read this, and so do settlers/newcomers. Bevann Fox offers a unique contribution to the body of Indian residential school literature. I cannot think of another recent text that ruminates on the effects of residential schools on romantic partnerships from a womans perspective.

Michelle Coupal, Canada Research Chair in Truth, Reconciliation, and Indigenous Literatures

Genocidal Love by Bevann Fox is a riveting, often difficult, brave, important book about an outspoken little girl living in a boisterous, loving family on reserve, who is sent to residential school where she is abused, humiliated, and left unable to articulate the damage done to her. As an adult she examines the long-lasting genocidal effects that linger and resonate in her life, even as she searches for a way to unlearn the lessons of self-hatred taught to her. This book reveals the trauma in calling the State and Church to account and the pain a generation of residential school survivors experienced when bringing the truth of abuse to light. It also celebrates the possibilities of healing.

Deanna Reder, Chair, Department of Indigenous Studies, Simon Fraser University

A riveting and courageous reflection of the authors abusive experience at residential school, Genocidal Love is unique in its detailed account of the often re-traumatizing effects of the legal and bureaucratic barriers of compensation programs predating the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.

Jesse Rae Archibald-Barber, editor of kisiskciwan and co-editor of Performing Turtle Island

Genocidal

Love

A Life After Residential School

bevann fox

2020 Bevann Fox

All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyrights hereon may be reproduced or used in any form or by any meansgraphic, electronic, or mechanicalwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. Any request for photocopying, recording, taping or placement in information storage and retrieval systems of any sort shall be directed in writing to Access Copyright.

Printed and bound in Canada at Imprimerie Gauvin. The text of this book is printed on 100% post-consumer recycled paper with earth-friendly vegetable-based inks.

Cover art: Hair cut off on the floor isolated on white background, by Pakawat/Adobe Stock.

Cover design: Duncan Campbell, University of Regina Press

Interior design: John van der Woude, jvdw Designs

Copy editor: Kendra Ward

Proofreader: Rhonda Kronyk

Discussion questions contributed by Michelle Coupal with the generous help of a sshrc grant.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: Genocidal love : a life after residential school / Bevann Fox.

Other titles: Abstract love

Names: Fox, Bevann, 1968 - author.

Description: Previously published under title: Abstract love.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20200238183 | Canadiana (ebook) 20200238434 | isbn 9780889777415 (softcover) | isbn 97808 89777477 (hardcover) | isbn 97808897774 ( pdf ) | isbn 9780889777453 ( epub )

Subjects: lcsh : Fox, Bevann, -Childhood and youthFiction. | lcsh : Indigenous childrenAbuse ofCanadaFiction. | csh : Native peoplesCanadaResidential schoolsFiction. | lcgft : Creative nonfiction. | lcgft : Autobiographies.

Classification: lcc ps 8611 . o a 2020 | ddc c /.dc

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

University of Regina Press, University of Regina
Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, s4s 0a2
tel: (306) 585-4758 fax: (306) 585-4699
web : www.uofrpress.ca

We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts for our publishing program. We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada. / Nous reconnaissons lappui financier du gouvernement du Canada. This publication was made possible with support from Creative Saskatchewans Book Publishing Production Grant Program.

In memory of my late grandfather, Gaston Anaskan, Nimosmipan, for his inspiration. He said, One day you will write a book. Also to my beautiful grandmother, Myrtle Anaskan, Nohkmipan.

Content Warning

This book may bring awareness and rekindle memories. Although some parts may hurt, other parts may help move you through energies unsettled within you or that may have been asleep until now. My intent is not to hurt anyone but to bring back something lost. As I read the book over and over, I cried, laughed, or felt very happy. It has helped me understand more of who I am and helped me release emotions still stored in my body.

So if you find yourself feeling angry, sad, or happy, then embrace that energy, for you are a success. Honour yourself, find some quiet time, make a cup of hot tea, and enjoy reading this book. It is a story about Myrtle, and she wants to share everything with you.

Bevann Fox

This story is based on real events. Names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Abstract Life Me

If you cant read the book then wear my abstract shirt

Feel my energy and feel the beauty

A red child living in genocidal love

Please love my freckles

This is an abstract way of life

There is no normal or consistent

There is but constant abstract

As colonialist hands touch everywhere

A seed planted in the mind already

A pattern of abstract love

Of a different life

The red child

Genocidal love

Love my freckles please

I have frecklesJust like you.

Paquahsimou Piyesiw Iskwew (Raindance Lodge ThunderBird Woman)

I. NHKOM AND NIMOSM

II. LEARN THE GOOD AND LEAVE THE BAD

III. WHERE IS HOME?

IV. NO QUICK FIX

V. THE CLAIM

VI. WHEN WILL IT END?

by Michelle Coupal

I am deeply humbled and honoured by the invitation from Bevann Fox and University of Regina Press to write this foreword to Genocidal Love. They asked me to frame and contextualize the incredible story that Bevann has written within the broader body of work that is now known as Indian Residential School literature. I think they approached me because of my scholarly expertise in Indigenous literatures. What they did not know is that my personal story shares some important similarities with the story Bevann tells about her protagonist, Myrtle.

I did not attend residential school, so the setting is different. But like Myrtle, I was held captive between grades one and three by my Uncle, a Catholic Brother, who took care of me in the basement of my family home. His three-year reign of terror was made possible by the neglect of my mother and the absence of my father. My Uncle told me that if I ever told anyone what he was doing to me, he would take me to a place where no one would find me. He had a gun, he said, that he would use to kill me if I uttered a word. So, like Myrtle, I lost my voice. I rarely spoke for three years. I was ultimately sent to a speech pathologist, who found nothing wrong with my ability to speak, except that when forced to mouth words I spoke so quietly that it was difficult to hear me. I deliberately muffled my words to make them hard to discern. To this day, I have to concentrate to articulate my words clearly. When I am having difficulty, it sounds like I have slight lispthe disarticulated cry of a child.