Katherine - Boundaries in an overconnected world: setting limits to preserve your focus, privacy, relationships, and sanity

Now that technology has made options out of so many interpersonal boundaries, finding ones comfortable place in the wired world requires both wisdom and a good game plan. Anne Katherine provides both, proving yet again that she can see clearly ahead of the curve.

Michael Prager, professional speaker and author of

Fat Boy Thin Man

Finally a simple, wise, and realistic GPS for our adventures into cyberspace! Anne Katherines extensive experience with boundary issues with people and food is now applied to electronic media. Combining practical experience with realistic healthy choices makes this book a rare and extremely effective tool for long-term self-protection, enjoyment, and effective functioning in the new electronic world. Annes approach is so clear and practical; you will be blessed by her knowledge and expertise.

H. Theresa Wright, MS, RD, LDN, author of

Your Personal Food Plan Guide

Anne Katherine is right on time with a terrific book. We live in a world thats seeking connection, meaning, and purpose, and our technology in cyberspace is destroying our ability to connect. Katherine reveals to us the entire iceberg, while most of us can only see the tip. A must-read for anyone with a mobile device especially parents!

Mary Bellofatto, MA, LMHC, CEDS, NCC, TEP,

trauma and addictions specialist

Copyright 2013 by Anne Katherine

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The material in this book is intended for education. It is not meant to take the place of diagnosis and treatment by a qualified medical practitioner or therapist. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given or liability taken.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Katherine, Anne.

Boundaries in an overconnected world : setting limits to preserve your focus, privacy, relationships, and sanity / Anne Katherine, MA.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-60868-190-7 (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN 978-1-60868-191-4 (ebook) 1. Interpersonal communication Psychological aspects. 2. Information technology Psychological aspects. 3. Interpersonal relations. 4. Privacy, Right of. 5. Distraction (Psychology) 6. Online etiquette. I. Title.

BF637.C45K358 2013

302dc23 2013015530

First printing, September 2013
ISBN 978-1-60868-190-7
Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Books by Anne Katherine

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
Anatomy of a Food Addiction
Where to Draw the Line
When Misery Is Company
How to Make Almost Any Diet Work
Lick It! Fix Her Appetite Switch
Your Appetite Switch
Penumbra 1: Lifetimes of a Soul
Penumbra 2: A Souls Journey

BOUNDARIES IN AN OVERCONNECTED WORLD

For Frances West,

my chosen sister, and one of the best women I know

T wenty-five years ago, when I wrote Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, my computer displayed green type and no pictures, and it responded to commands that were like a secret code. It was an island separate from all other computers. It couldnt talk to any other computer in the world, nor could it listen, existing prior to publicly available digital streams or networks.

The day I planned to send the manuscript to the publisher by printing it on real paper and putting it into a mailbox I did a spell check that, capriciously, removed the formatting from the whole manuscript. I had to go through the entire thing, page by page, and restore it manually. (Praise be for todays Undo button.)

It didnt help that I was also getting married that day, and that my make her beautiful appointments were threatened by this time-eating glitch. Somehow, I got it all done including the wedding but how different the computer world is today.

Today, total strangers can enter your home electronically, depositing repulsive ads and ridiculous offers. Friends can interrupt your focus every two minutes with texts, tweets, or adorable pictures of animals. Your personal information can land in the hands of someone youd inch away from on a subway.

Boundaries in an Overconnected World will help you regain authority over your time, your focus, and your energy. It shows how to set limits on intrusions and exposure in cyberspace, with every communication device you own, and with everyone who wants to reach you through them.

This book doesnt replace my first book on the subject, Bounaries, which provides the basics of gaining autonomy in live person-to-person interactions. Nor does it replace my book Where to Draw the Line, which describes how to handle all sorts of situations an indirectly hostile mother-in-law, a holiday spoiler, food pushers, sisters who take without asking, etc. by setting specific boundaries.

Together, these three books offer a trilogy of guidance about how to set appropriate limits on earth and in space, from friends and family to strangers, and from face-to-face interactions to smartphones and laptops, so that your life is truly your own.

W e now travel through an expanded universe, moving at startling speeds and negotiating vast magnitudes of miniature bits of information. We are connected not only with nearly every other computer on the planet but also with millions of minds holding a wide range of values, perspectives, needs, and goals.

The sheer number of potential connections is so great both for information coming in and information going out that we let our minds pretend that an email sent to twenty of our closest friends will stop in those twenty computers. But if even one recipient finds something worth passing on to Hateful Hattie and if Hattie takes snippets of your missive out of context and sends it to her list so that her cousin Callous, a stranger to you, posts your words on a wall or in a chat room your comments could offend someone in Singapore within minutes. You could then be Googled, found, sworn at, criticized, and targeted with offers of hemorrhoid cream and weird sexual devices.