Les - Saving your marriage before it starts: seven questions to ask before--and after-- you marry

Praise for
SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE IT STARTS

Every engaged and newlywed couple needs to read this book by Les and Leslie. And while youre at it, dont miss out on the incredible SYMBIS Assessment. Its fantastic!

Shaunti Feldhahn, Social researcher and author of For Women Only and For Men Only

This program is incredibly practical, easy to use, and long overdue.

H. Norman Wright, Author of Before You Say I Do

Les and Leslie are the go-to couple for launching lifelong love. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is right on the money.

Dave Ramsey, Founder of Financial Peace University

You simply cant afford to miss out on all that SYMBIS has to offer. Ive personally benefited from it.

Gary Smalley, Author of The Language of Love

There are few people I know more equipped to coach couples into healthy, God-honoring intimacy than Les and Leslie.

John Ortberg, Pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian

I wish every engaged and newly married couple would use Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Its fresh, relevant, and extremely practical.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder of eHarmony

RESOURCES BY LES AND LESLIE PARROTT

3 Seconds (by Les)

The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring (and workbooks and video)

The Control Freak (by Les)

Crazy Good Sex (by Les)

Dot.com Dating

The First Drop of Rain (by Leslie)

Getting Ready for the Wedding

God Loves You Nose to Toes (childrens book by Leslie)

The Good Fight

Helping Your Struggling Teenager (by Les)

High Maintenance Relationships (by Les)

The Hour That Matters Most

I Love You More (and workbooks and video)

L.O.V.E.

The Love List

Love Talk (and workbooks and video)

Love Talk Devotional

Making Happy

Meditations on Proverbs for Couples

The Parent You Want to Be

Questions Couples Ask

Real Relationships (and workbook and video)

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (and workbooks and video)

Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts (and workbooks and video)

Seven Secrets of a Healthy Dating Relationship (by Les)

Soul Friends (by Leslie)

Trading Places (and workbooks)

You Matter More Than You Think (by Leslie)

Youre Stronger Than You Think (by Les)

Your Time-Starved Marriage (and workbooks and video)

ZONDERVAN

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Copyright 1995, 2006, 2015 by Les and Leslie Parrott

ePub Edition July 2017: ISBN 978-0-310-34629-6

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Parrott, Les.

Saving your marriage before it starts : seven questions to ask before and after you marry / Les & Leslie Parrott. Expanded and updated ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-13: 978-0-310-34628-9

1. Marriage. 2. Marriage Religious aspects Christianity. 3. Married people Psychology. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964 II. Title.

HQ734.P22 2006

646.78 dc22

2006005251

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked CEV are taken from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, www.yates2.com.

Cover design: Ranjy Thomas / Flying Rhino

Cover photography: Daniel Davis / Lightstock

Interior design: Kait Lamphere & Ryan Farmer

First printing August 2015

Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook

Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

To our SYMBIS Facilitators

Whether you are a pastor, counselor, chaplain, or marriage mentor, you shaped not only this book but the SYMBIS Assessment. Your investment in helping couples launch lifelong love as a SYMBIS Facilitator will impact generations to come.

CONTENTS

Hang my locket around your neck,
wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters cant drown love,
torrents of rain cant put it out.
S ONG OF S ONGS 8:6 7

B ELOW IS A LISTING of the exercises and self-tests you will find in the two workbooks we have designed to go along with this book (one for men and one for women). In each chapter we will point you to a specific exercise to enjoy once you have read a particular section. This list can serve as a quick reference to the location of the exercises within the book.

W E NEVER HAD PREMARITAL counseling, but we spent the first year of our married life in therapy. Once a week, we met with a counselor who helped us iron out the wrinkles we never even saw before getting married. Not that we were in serious trouble. But we had this nave idea that after our wedding our life would fall naturally into place, and a marriage preparation course or counseling never entered our minds. We had dated for six years before our nine-month engagement, and we had a lot in common (even our first names). We simply thought we would tie the proverbial knot, set up house, and as the fairy tales say, live happily ever after.

But we didnt. The first years of marriage were difficult right from the start. Literally. In the limousine ride away from the church, as both of us waved good-bye to our family and friends through the back window, I (Leslie) began to cry.

Whats wrong? Les asked.

I kept crying and didnt answer.

Are you happy or sad? Les put his arm around my shoulders and waited for a reply. When I didnt answer, he asked again, Whats going on inside you?

I dont know, I whimpered. I dont know.

Les gave me a squeeze with his arm. I knew I was hurting him, but I didnt know what to say or why I was feeling so sad.

Except for the clanging of the tin cans behind us, the ride to the airport that afternoon, June 30, 1984, was quiet. As we waited for our flight at OHare Airport, both of us felt hazy about what we had just been through. Were we really married? It didnt feel like it. We were newlyweds, but we felt more like refugees.